Yeah, what he said...

Just...

Sucks to be an option and never a priority

This morning I read an article about a topic which I was introduced more than 10 years ago but never fully understood until I was really affected by it but not able to realize it still. It was with the help of an unlikely friend who was caring enough to act upon a news. This friend didn't need to spend time to reach out and pull me out of my darkness but I am glad my friend did it and I was able to stand up again although it still might cause a little unrest every time I think about those times.

Anyhows, all the main points touched upon were like hitting a nail squarely on its head. He said that when you are just an option:

• It hurts worse than anything
• It's the most embarrassing feeling in the world
• It makes you question your self worth
• Your future and your life have been completely altered, and it’s scary
• It makes you question your perception of the world, of life and of your personal reality
• It pisses you off and, in a way, motivates you
• It makes you realize you need to slow down, retrace your steps, regroup and redirect

It was like a revelation. All his writings echoed what was buried deep in me but strangely for me, I am not able to express it. In a way it was liberating that I was not alone. It is insanely ironic that I already know this since I was introduced to it more than 10 years ago LOL!

I feel that guys are sometimes poor souls that have to suffer in silence but have to put up a strong face each and every day. You know you have to stand up and move forward but it is like the signals to move never made it to your feet to move. You so want to move but unable to.

Sometimes you do things exactly the opposite of what your mind is telling you. Crazy as it sounds but what you want is to actually just get the response which you already know. Seriously, how dumb can you be???  Makes me wonder how many times do I have to tell myself to stop?

Maybe I'll start by putting some distance. Maybe I'll get another drink...