Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Recap of 2008

Lame way to do this but its the format that stuck to my head @ 2.30am after i returned from a drinking session with some friends

January
Full of hope in the new year to have a new scope of work and hopefully be involved in a big project.

February
Not a really good CNY, perhaps that is the beginning of my bad luck for the year

March
The project doesn't seem to be doing so well anymore BUT another project arise and more hope arises
Leaked information about promotion candidates whereby yours truly is expected to be one of those to be promoted

April
Officially received promotion letter on April Fool's Day which was backdated to January.
Received retrospective pay increment and dumped all into paying credit card debts.

May
News of a 'higher power ' (aka Management) are taking matters into their own hands for the project which im involved in and is the complete opposite of what was evaluated by the User and Technical Team

June
Closing of the FY for my company and the project is really something which i have no eyes to see anymore.

July
Decision made by Management on the project is firm and there goes my hope, job hunting begins again.
Have to used a stupid system to clock in what i do, i don't even fucking have a project, how am i supposed to record down what i do???

August
Again not a really happy birthday + a bitter goodbye

September
Speculation and sadness about how much would be announced by the Management on bonus payout. Lowest in all my 5 years in the company.

October
Company stock prices halved compared to its prices in January. Sayonara to the remaining options given to me by the company which will expire in June 2009.

November
Several drinking sessions which did its job of whisking away my mind from my miserable life.
Missed several relative's weddings on purpose to not want to explain of my singleness.

December
An array of weddings, 2 of which have already blocked my calender since last year :p Frankly speaking, i wouldn't miss it for the world!
Went to both and it was a BANG! Congratulations and may you have happiness forever together!

Summary :

1) Alcohol does not really KO me, it just FUCKING mess up my body clock. KO-ed to sleep at 2-3am only to wake up at 5-7am and never able to continue sleep.

2) Made many superb friends via online games, went to 1 of their wedding dinner but missed out on being a fun heng dai :(

3) First taste of being 5 digits for credit card debts. It was all down to my own stupidity, very expensive lesson learned.

4) One cannot drink away sadness/loneliness, one cannot afford to buy companionship long enough to get through the night BUT one is very lucky to have many good friends.

5) Least sleep time in a year.

6) Most alcohol consumed in a year ever.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Interesting signs at a place i had lunch ...


What the sign says :
Raju Restaurant
* Please pay when food is served
* No pets allowed
* No outside food
* No direct selling
* Mind your language
* Sit at your own risk --> @_@|||



What the sign says :

We have no quarrel with competitors who charge less
After all they know what their food is worth

Well, its not overly expensive if you know what to avoid when eating at Indian type restaurants :)

Friday, December 19, 2008

Goodbye my preciousssssssssssss......................

After years of being with me, i have to say goodbye to my precioussssssssss. Why are they preciousssssssssss? Its not really the monetary value amount they carry but more to their serial number. Notes carrying serial numbers with repetition of "8"s are of particular interest for me to collect them. Just as The-One-Ring was precioussssssssssss to Gollum and its other owners, its with a heavy heart and very unwilling feeling to be apart from them.


Where are they going? To my account for about a few days and show up as an increase of balance to my current account. That amount will then begone from my account :(

What is it for? For hope, hope that i can resolve 1 of the items in my wishlist but it seems unlikely to be resolved by the timeline which i set T_T

Goodbye my preciousssssssssssss......................

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Not so special anymore =(

A contact added me using my spanking new Live ID and the following was what happened :

[10:05] Sun: hello
[10:06] Sun: not need to work ha
[10:06] Sun: HAHA
[10:06] Lawsh: work also can on IM one mar
[10:06] Lawsh: may i know who is this?
[10:06] Sun: U NT MEH
[10:07] Lawsh: yes i am
[10:07] Sun: I
[10:07] Sun: U STAY AT SEREMBAN?
[10:07] Lawsh: i stay in LK
[10:07] Lawsh: KL i mean
[10:08] Sun: UR HOMETOWN FROM PAHANG?
[10:08] Lawsh: i was born in johor
[10:09] Sun: OIC.. THEN I HV ADD WRONG CONTACT. SORRY
[10:09] Sun: I TOT U R MY BROTHER
[10:09] Lawsh: haha
[10:09] Sun: BECAUSE I JZ ADD HIM
[10:09] Sun: HE OSO LE
[10:09] Sun: HE ASK ME TO ADD HIM
[10:09] Lawsh: my name is too
[10:10] Lawsh: exactly same spelling
[10:10] Lawsh: that is new for me
[10:10] Sun: TAT Y
[10:10] Sun: SORRY
[10:10] Lawsh: its ok, nice to meet you
[10:11] Sun: SAME TO ME..
[10:11] Sun: BYE
First of all typing in all caps is rude.
Secondly, just said nice to meet you then bye bye liao

Oh well, what a way to find out that there is someone who have exactly the same name as me.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Glasses

I can't live with them and i can't live without them.

Without them i can see beyond 10m clearly, something i dearly miss. Having 20/20 vision for more than 20 years, i really could not adapt to having my vision reduced to just a few meters. Not only am i limited to that, i have to look through 2 pieces of small lenses 2 inch by 1 inch.

Strangely though my diagnosis by the optician was just around 75-100 of short-sightedness and astigmatism. So this really does not explain why my vision have deteriorated so much T_T

Even with glasses i still need to get to a very close distance to clearly read road signs, was my sight's diagnosis wrong? This have bothered my driving quite a fair bit as i lost my confidence in driving properly.

Sigh im really not used this. Ever since i worn the glasses, i feel that my range of clear sight is reduced even more. Perhaps this is why people who wear glasses will almost never have their power reduced or reversed back to the way it was.

I used to be very proud to have perfect vision and can see so many things so clearly. I could spot something far away and proudly exclaim that i found it while everyone else (who wore glasses) were looking high and low for it.

The weight of the glasses are already leaving its mark on my nose :( Too bad im not a fan of contact lenses, the idea of having my fingers wriggling and touching my eyeballs gives me the chill.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

I am ..........................

I am Alone and sometimes do feel very lonely

I am Bored as there are many things which i cannot do

I am Curious, sometimes too much that gets me into alot of shit

I am Delusional on many things as i currently can only dissect things from my point of view

I am Emotional and therefore sometimes found in an emo state

I am Friendly but oddly i don't have much friends

I am Grateful to have met many wonderful people in my life so far, of course there are also many nasty people whom i have now chosen to avoid

I am Honest but is hated for it

I am Indecisive and therefore im in the mess that i am now

I am Jealous of many other people, what they have and what they can do, especially what i don't have and/or cannot do

I am Knowledgeable but is translated to be a bad thing by many.

I am Lazy and its a known fact

I am Melancholic but not overly depressed

I am Nasty when the need arises

I am Overweight according to the BMI scale and my doctors ask me to drop weight

I am Patient but i claim myself to be short-fused

I am Quiet but too bad for me, its a bad trait too

I am Restless because i have not solved many of my problems yet to see a brighter light at the end of the tunnel

I am Stupid because i really feel that way

I am Truthful but its hurts people too much that im considering quitting

I am Understanding but not very well understood

I am Visible but feels invisible most of the time

I am Weird in many ways

I am Xhausted because there are many problems banging on my head when i need to sleep and yes i cheated on this one.

I am Yellow-minded but so is every normal man

I am Zany but almost always with the wrong timing.

Note : There are 26 "."s naturally to comply with the content of this post.

Friday, November 28, 2008

What-Bug-Me Tag

The rules

  • List out 6 things that bug or annoy you.

  • Tag another 8 persons to do this.

  • Strictly no tagging back!


The list:

1) People who asks your opinion on things which they want to buy BUT in actual fact they have already made up their mind on which one they already want. So you end up looking like a bloody idiot with your valued and well thought opinion is treated like garbage chucked out even before it left your mind. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO OTHER'S OPINION THEN DON'T FUCKING ASK FOR THEM!!!


2) Queue cutters especially when i had been at the end of the line from the beginning. Be it while im driving or buying something or lining up to get freebies :p


3) People who displays their high end gears and then complaining that they are broke and can't afford even higher end gears, all the while flashing that fancy high end gear in front of my goddamn eyes.


4) To be asked the same questions over and over and over again by different people. If i don't wanna answer then there is a fucking reason why i haven't do so. All shall be revealed in due time.


5) When you are in a rush to get somewhere, you will meet hurdles upon hurdles upon hurdles to reach there on time. Whatever that you do not wish to encounter will fucking happen just when you wished with all your might that it would not =_=


6) To be ignored or boycotted for reasons unknown.


7) Nobody ................ oops, list is not long enough to list out more what-bug-me things :(


Chain mails always end with me, so i guess im a killer for these kinda things. For those who are interested to rant out your list, please do so :)

Friday, November 21, 2008

I should be in Ipoh now BUT ..............................

SIGH............................................................................

I would really love to meet the leng lui friends of a leng lui of which a friend of mine is going to marry. The sister is very HOT too :(

I would really love to get drunk with a bunch of friends while having a great fun night with this going-to-be-not-so-bachelor friend :(

I would really love to go on a road trip with friends and chat up with nonsense while catching up on things during the period we did not go out for yamcha or dinner or lunch session.

I would really love to be part of a crazy team of heng dais to go raid the bride's house not to mention try to tackle some of the ji muis. :(

I would really love to get some great food lead by Ipoh locals namely the grandfather of the bride who was going to treat the heng dais. :(

SIGH............................................................................

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Im not as schizophrenic as i thought i am

The other day when i went to the clinic and there was a long queue, i picked up an info book about schizophrenia, going through the symptoms mentioned in the book, there are some direct hits. Depression, talking to self (voices in head), always feeling of wanting to be alone, imagining alot of crazy things (good and bad), some form of Déjà vu and others. Result of a simple self diagnosis as per below.




You Are 40% Paranoid Schizophrenic



You're pretty grounded, though you have your occasional paranoid moments.

Just make sure to ignore those voices in your head!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Always on the wrong side of the fence

There have been many occasions where the verdict upon my head was the complete opposite of what i wanted to achieve. Sometimes i feel that im really rooted to the wrong side of the fence where everything which i do is wrong in society's eyes.

Why am so heartless to make my son have 1 parent only?
1) I really do not have a choice and to shoulder 2 person's role in my 2 shoulders are really taxing.
2) I have tried many ways to not let this happen but there really is no light at the end of the tunnel for the situation and anyways this tunnel is narrow that you can only move forward, there is just enough space for you pass though in a straight line at the moment.

Why don't you change job so that you can earn more?
1) Its not like i have not been trying, the salary offered are same or lower than my current one.
2) Perhaps you can really say that im pampered by the benefits from the bank, a hospital bill reminded of what i may have to fork out. So if i get a similar paying job without the benefits then its actually a downward move rather than lateral.

Why your driving so aggressive one?
1) Everyone have their own way of driving. You like people cutting your queue, your own fucking problem. I hate people cutting my queue ESPECIALLY when i have been following the queue from the end of it.
2) I don't really like to drive slow, that is why i got a manual car where i am more in control of what speed and pickup i want.
3) I signalled to turn and you should too especially at the Tesco and Telekom junction! Those who don't, gets a mlm from me.

Why you talk so direct one?
1) I believe i have always been like that, hence not winning me too many friends.
2) What is wrong about being truthful?

Why are you so strict with your son?
1) That was the way i was brought up and i find it to be effective and good
2) I have seen too many cases of pampering/spoiling until the children are useless. Yes, from my point of view they are entirely useless but for the people who are pampering/spoiling the children, they are angels. So in their minds, they should preach the same to other parents and the rest must follow, sounds very religious no?
3) Pampering/Spoiling parents who let their children run amok inside and/or outside the house is their own fucking problem, when the children get hurt, don't come crying to me with regrets. I never understand them, allowing/condoning the children play dangerously is accepted but preventing your children from getting hurt due to dangerous play methods is WRONG?!

Knowledge is power, NOT!
1) The factual things you learned/know are not liked.
2) Note to self : MUST shut the fuck up when others are talking about things which you are interested in so that they can talk untrue bull crap.

From boss : Please give me your opinion on .
1) I think all working people would know what is about to happen next, so just shut the fuck up so you don't get fucked up.
2) If whatever the fuck which are coming out of your mouth are not in line with the boss' thoughts then you better shut the fuck up.

At work.
1) Just mind your own fucking business, other units' work are theirs, you must not interfere even when its to help them.
2) If you don't report to the same boss, then you don't talk to each other unless you are friends.

Wah good lar you, get to buy cheap house by taking over your father's home loan.
1) He is over 60 already, he should not be working anymore to pay the loan.
2) Nobody else in my family is able to take on this loan, actually when i takeover, i will only manage to squeeze by only as well.
3) I want to live in a double storey-house, i wish to climb stairs and have more space in my room.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Why Why Why???

"Why" questions are very hard to answer IMHO. =_= but i have been getting alot of them recently.

Why do you look so tired?
Because i am seriously tired. I don't get enough sleep at night. Partially due to my son sleeping late and i usually only able to get some shut eyes after he is asleep. I occasionally wake up in the middle of night not due to nightmares but i would just wake up. Perhaps its because i am now more alone, not so warm and not so strong. Actually after the 5am gathering session, i did not get back to 80% until one day i could not take it anymore that i had to resort to a bottle of Brand's chicken essence to boost me back to >80%. Even on non working days i will not be able to sleep later than 9am.

Why do you look so stressed, why don't you take a leave from work?
There are many types of stress, i don't have any work stress to be honest since i have almost no workload. I do however have a very big worry which most people would face during these troubled times, financial woes. My calculator is giving out smoke already due to my many calculations, the thing which i dislike most to take into consideration, "IF" this/that were to happen then this/that would happen. Sigh..........

Why do you seem unhappy?
For those know of my recent predicament, this is already self explanatory. For those who don't know then just take the above woe as my answer.

Why are you fat, become like middle aged man liao?
Seriously i would like to know what to do as well, i don't eat much, my portion of the food is sometimes as little as those supposedly dieting girls. Who wants to go swimming? I am in need of a partner.

Why do you not drive to work?
Let's see, to fill up petrol a week vs fill up petrol per month? Hmmmmmm................... Easy choice if you ask me. Also i do not have to raise my blood pressure when stuck in jam. My bp is normal again, i don't want to be abnormal again.

Why so serious?
I had been serious almost all my life, i learned to open more up when i went to college. Without the comfort and protection of home, i found that there were alot of things i have to learn to be in society. The many kinds of people who have very different attitude, mentality, and etc.

Why do you not want to convince her to come back?
If you are the captain of the ship, a crew member who wants to go on to a different direction, would you turn your ship to scoop this crew member and sail her direction?

Monday, November 03, 2008

光良品冠 - 胡思乱想

Most japanese anime have good stories and include some interesting love dramas (yes, as you may have expected i just finished an anime series), most of the time not as dramatic as Hong Kong drama series but enough to make one think.

What should be expressed, cannot be expressed.
No matter how much you would really want to profess your feelings towards the other, you must not because like the 2 sides of a coin, there may be 2 very different outcomes. One can only dream for the best outcome but in real life, things do not turn out just like the way you wanted/dreamed/planned it. So you are left in an agonizing situation, to do or not to it? Being a not so positive person, i chose the latter, as i fear for the worst outcome. Which would hurt me more, to suffer in silence or to suffer another huge blow?

The song below, somewhat summarizes my confusion for the moment.

胡思乱想又过了一夜
思念的疑问并没有解决
我又胡乱想过了一夜
情感的东西 是否需要感觉
也许我不知道
我是真不明了
人对情感的渴求
是否那麽重要
也许我不知道
你那儿最好
让我情牵忘也忘不了
也许我不知道
你真的那麽好
我的思念你又明了多少
我胡思乱想
胡思乱想又过了一夜
思念的疑问并没有解决
我又胡乱想过了一夜
情感的东西 是否需要感觉
也许我不知道
我是真不明了
人对情感的渴求
是否那麽重要
也许我不知道
你那儿最好
让我情牵忘也忘不了
也许我不知道
你真的那麽好
我的思念你又明了多少
也许我不知道
你那儿最好
让我情牵忘也忘不了
也许我不知道
你真的那麽好
我的思念你又明了多少
也许我不知道
你那儿最好
让我情牵忘也忘不了
也许我不知道
你真的那麽好
我的思念你又明了多少
我胡思乱想
本歌词由网友十一郎提供

Note : As mentioned in an earlier post, i seemed to have lost my direction, however i do not have anymore feelings for her but am i forlorn until my mind is messed up with what i want or need?

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Terrorists win!!!

To be honest, i have not really enjoyed that phrase for a couple of years already. My gang of friends were all retired sort to speak from visiting cybercafes to play LAN games. Well i just had a very enjoyable session on Sunday night, an old friend out of the blue asked me out to watch football with him despite knowing that we are archrivals in terms of which teams we support.

My friend's team won in the match and another one said that his friends were waiting for him at a nearby cybercafe to play LAN games and he asked us to join him. Looking at each other where our eyes glowed in the manner that this would be like the good-old-times.

RM5 for a 3 hour session was really insane because we started playing at 12am :p I was so damn dizzy because i was not used to play FPS (first person shooters) for quite some time already coupled together with a very "kow" Neslo while watching the match. At first it took me quite some time to get used to the controls again and had to relearn almost everything. I got a little better as i got used to playing again, more confident then i started to play with more expensive guns, namely the AWP (sniper rifle). Rusty again at first but not too long after that i managed to get 2 or more frags per round.

Not used to just sitting back and wait for a rush, i prefer to rush be it with an MP5 or a shotgun. Really caught the opponent off guard and got 3 frags or so before i was killed. Winning the round or not was not really on my mind, just to blast away at people. Great fun to get the kill but have to sit out the round if you are the first to die :p

We had so much fun catching up on old times that we chatted away until just before sunrise, 5am to be exact. I didn't manage to get much sleep and finally dragged my ass off the bed at around 9am and played my online games.

*Hoping for more good old times if the situation allows* *wink wink*

Sunday, October 26, 2008

韩晶 - 没有你的日子我真的好孤单

A good friend of mine sent me this song. Although initially i did not have the lyrics (to understand the meaning), but listening to the rhythm already got me hooked pretty similar to 周杰倫 - 稻香 which also had a nice tune. If you would want to have this song, i can email it to you :)

走一个人走
走的累了心却碎了
爱一个人爱
爱的哭了哭的倦了
路上行人在穿梭
伤了心的人究竟有几个
耳旁的恋人都在唱歌
可我的爱到底剩下什么
没有你的日子我真的好孤单
所有的心碎全与我相伴
没有你的城市我真的好茫然
所有的快乐都与我无关
没有你的日子我真的好孤单
思念的痛还在心里纠缠
没有你的城市我真的好迷乱
爱与不爱都已经太晚
回头太难
路上行人在穿梭
伤了心的人究竟有几个
耳旁的恋人都在唱歌
可我的爱到底剩下什么
没有你的日子我真的好孤单
所有的心碎全与我相伴
没有你的城市我真的好茫然
所有的快乐都与我无关
没有你的日子我真的好孤单
思念的痛还在心里纠缠
没有你的城市我真的好迷乱
爱与不爱都已经太晚
回头太难
没有你的日子我真的好孤单
所有的心碎全与我相伴
没有你的城市我真的好茫然
所有的快乐都与我无关
没有你的日子我真的好孤单
思念的痛还在心里纠缠
没有你的城市我真的好迷乱
爱与不爱都已经太晚
回头太难
回头太难
Note : This song does not reflect my current feelings towards my recent predicament.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

OrO???

Am i confused or Am i thinking too much?

Wishful thinking or Just daydreaming?

The mind controls the heard or the Heart controls the mind?

Forget about it or Unforgettable?

Unwilling to let go or Unwilling to move on?

Filled with hope or Full of regrets?

Tears of joy or Tears of sadness?

Want to believe or Believe in what?

Want to play or Want to be played?

Cleverly stupid or Stupidly clever?

Naiveness or Pretending to be blur?

"OROoOoOoOoOoOoO ...............................", Himura Kenshin.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Why you so calculative/stingy one???

I get asked that question many many times per week. Do i choose to live so or am i brought up this way? This question is very hard to answer, you may look at it from a few different stand points.

I am Hokkien, GENERALLY, Hokkiens are known to be kiamsiap (stingy in Hokkien). I was born into a family with no spoon in my mouth unlike some who have silver or even golden spoon. So i do not have the luxury of using RM300 bags to use a school bag. To own a cupboard full of Polo Ralph Laurens, DKNY, Quiksilver, Billabong, Nike etc etc etc. I believe when i was in secondary school only i had BUM Equipment shirt for CNY. I was over the moon with that shirt and believe it or not i still have that shirt in my cupboard though i may not be able to fit it as comfortably as when i initially got it. Later on, i remember getting my first imitation Quiksilver shirt which i was again over the moon with. I also received a BUM Equipment shirt for my birthday from my then girlfriend, i would say that its one of the best gift i have ever received at around that age.

Unlike my peers who go to school with pocket money, i was given none at all. I would bring a cream bread for recess. This was until i an incident whereby i needed to call home for some incident. From then on, i would have a small amount of pocket money mainly for emergency cases where i need call home, not really for buying more food.

When shopping for clothes, i really cannot comprehend why some people are very willing to pay for clothes which in my opinion are very much over-priced. If you want to argue the point that they are comfortable, soft and stylish, then i would say that i would be able to get several pieces of comfortable, soft and stylish clothings which do not carry mainstream brands. Business shirts which are sold at RM100 a piece would be snapped up because its supposed to be wrinkle-free, where in fact i have seen many which claimed to be wrinkle-free are not so wrinkle-free-able when tried out. So to me they are roughly the same value of not so "branded" shirts which i can get for a fraction of the price. The trick i suppose for not getting a too wrinkled shirt (and able to wear without ironing) is during the washing and drying under the sun process. Learn that and you will get a couple of extra shirts instead of buying high-priced shirts which DO NOT WORK as claimed!

I got to know and became good friends with several online friends via games namely in Facebook. When playing those games there will be some form of monetary transfer taxes, item tradings, etc etc etc. I would be calculative on what are the losses against the gains. 10% taxes when transferring gold, items to be bought at cheaper prices to get more profit gains when re-sold, or in some cases, using real life money to buy things in those games. And i quote from some of them, "Its only 50c when converted back to RM", "Its only 10% tax mar, pay it lar", "Haiyar, nvm lar cheap cheap only what 10% tax" etc etc etc. Since i do not invest real money into those games, so i have to improvise and be more prudent in my spending despite it just being an online game.

Contrary to popular belief that being a big MNC, my supposed salary would be so great and grand that i can spend lavishly. But the fact of the matter is, I only have RM400 (a small fraction of my salary) or so to spend for myself, that is inclusive of my LRT travel, in fact, that amount is lesser than what i give to my mother. Strange for a person who is supposed to be prudent in his spendings, i actually have a 5 figure credit card debt, right? These are actually reminiscense of what i thought i was doing to the best of my ability to support my family. Not to worry, i have come up with plan which can shoot a few birds with just 1 stone, hopefully all these will be resolved soon.

*Imminent rise of petrol price tomorrow (of course that was during the upward trend of crude oil prices)* and many of my friends would ask me, "How much can you save? RM10? And what would that buy you???". Hmm RM10, on lucky times, i can get 2-3 days lunch, not so lucky, 1 lunch and its gone. What does that mean? I get to stretch my RM400 just a little further, just a little more breathing space every time i check my wallet.

"HOW CAN YOU TELL ME YOU ONLY CARRY RM50 TO GO SHOPPING??? Do you know everyone that i know will always have RM200 in their wallet?", someone whom i shop with many many times and would ask me that almost every time. Let's see, if i were to carry RM400 with me, there will most likely be a tendency to spend it for some not so useful things and if that is done, how much is left for me to spend for food and travel to work? This may be a crazy way for me to curb spending BUT i find it to be very effective. Of course there are times when i would hit a snag when i must really fork out more than RM50, for times like these, one would have to be thick faced enough to borrow and return the next day. Sometimes you have got to do what you have to do, everyone have different mentalities, ways of thinking, for me, i feel like this is a good option though it may seem idiotic/insane to many. Other people's mouth is on their face, their brain in their head, it is NOT controlled by you so how are you going to control what they want to say or think? That may not sound right to many people, but its a fact, forcing them to say things that please you do not mean they agree with you inside their brain.

How i envy my friends and colleagues who can afford so many things. DSLRs, frequent overseas trips, more than 2 handphones, PDAs, nice cars, sports rims, MP3 CD players in their cars and other gadgets which can me drool all over the place. During lunch, i would be asked by my colleagues, "Law, you tak makan ke? Diet?", i would usually just answer with a nod and smile. =)

There is only 1 way from here, forward, rain or shine.

Was i shaped to be calculative as my surroundings do not have the resources for me to be lavish OR was it my choice due to my own financial situation? I really can't tell for sure anymore. @_@

Friday, October 10, 2008

First cut is the deepest by Cheryl Crow

My colleague have been playing this song over and over again yesterday and suddenly the question was raised to whomever who decides to answer, i was quickest to answer that it was true, in fact, i think every cut is deep if you wager your heart in a relationship. Then another colleague said that she would like to listen to my story.

I hope the people involved in my stories won't come and kill me later on because these are my opinion and from my point of view.

Cut 1 :
Almost all her friends would call her T, i have the privilege to call her J, the same used by her family members :) Although it started out strange but i reckon i was pretty lousy, considering the fact that its really my first time to be in this deep. She is really fun and great to be with, i jumped at the opportunity to be with her at an out of school library where we were supposed to study (i hate to study actually :p ), but when we got there the library was closed and we chatted for quite some time waiting for it to be open. Things were ok i suppose considering im a newbie to this. My studies, contrary to popular belief might decrease has actually improved and that year i got 3rd in the class (she got 4th btw), my highest standing in all my years of studies :p Pathetic ain't it? The next year is a big exam which determines our tertiary education path, she told me that she would prefer to focus on study and see what the future holds after the exam. I wish to do well too so mutual agreed its for the better. From unverified rumours, i think she had 2 more relationships before the exam, though heartbroken to hear but the fact of the matter was the exam was more important. My results were ............. how do i put it, i was 1 point away from requiring to meet with the headmaster it was informed to me by the teacher in charge. I think i was seeing stars at that point of time before she handed to me the result slip. I was 1 point away from being a very good student by the standard which they have set. Many many nights go by where i would think, what if i had done this or that, what would have happened if we had stayed together etc. Crazy as it may sound, but i have been through the suicidal phase. Cutting your wrists without immersing in hot water is painfully hot, knocking your head against the wall does not remove your headache and could leave a mark, death by electrocution via wall plug is hard because your reflex would save you, i have acrophobia so jumping off buildings is gonna take alot of effort.

Cut 2 :
J (not the same J as above) was in a torrid relationship with her then boyfriend. My roommate was interested with her roommate and i was to her. So we sort of ganged up to tackle them :p I loved talking/listening to her, but i was also very much taken aback by her maturity level. Even when she was a young girl, she showed maturity way beyond any normal kid would show BUT that was not the reason why i fell for her. Im sure almost everyone have in heart a dream girl/guy, i would rate her >90% my dream girl. From external beauty (not really a killer body) to internal beauty (great attitude and brains), i was already thinking how to propose to her already :p Never in my wildest dream i thought i would really meet someone who have those qualities.

Perhaps unlike most other people, i did not try to ruin their already shaky relationship because believe it or not, the boyfriend was someone i know, someone from a course which i took but stopped halfway before going to college. She ended that relationship at the end of the first semester IIRC. We did not really begin our relationship in the open, only managing to hold hands when studying in a dark corner of the library, on the express bus which we take to get back home during semester breaks but never in the open. I was told it was not fair for me to be seen as a spannar who disrupted her relationship with her boyfriend. Sheepishly i went along with the idea, because all i wanted was to be with my dream girl. I believed i was happy with this underground love for something like a year when suddenly i began getting the cold shoulder, we have had ups and downs before but it was VERY different. My whole dream world crumbled before my eyes and there was NOTHING i could do at all T_T . I really did cry for many many nights, wetting my pillow, crying myself to sleep, asking why why why, WTF is going??? @_@ Knocking my head against the wall does not clear my very fuzzy thoughts. Same shitty excuse was used saying that studying overrules relationship, but again i was getting MUCH better results when i was with her :( . Same like cut 1, she have got into many other relationships before we finally got our degree.

It was not until last year (about 7 years later), that i got to find out the real reason behind our break up. Fear of third party rumours =X The funny thing was it was again for my sake, something which was supposed to be good for me but i have no idea of??? I was going like !(#*&%_!@(#*&%{+!@)(&%()@$*&%+!(#*&%_@(*$^&+!(&*%_*@!$%&_+)(!&*_(&*%_$@#!*&)%. Fucking hell, i know myself better or you know me better??? Would you give up your dream girl for fear of rumour mongers??? I'd just show "mlm mlm" to them!!! Sigh .........

Cut 3 :
Tired of good girls, i thought i'd give a bad girl a try. C was not your angelic girly which makes many guys weak in the knees but there are qualities which makes her stand out from among good and bad girls. This is even a more topsy turvy relationship. Perhaps she was over-pampered by her ex-s or im the lamest guy she has ever met. But surprisingly despite all that, we still somehow managed to be together. I would say of the 3 cuts, i have put the most effort, time and energy to make things work. I really loved her but to her it seems to be never enough. I am always compared to so and so, you are not romantic enough, not able to read her 'simple' mind, not able to buy her this and that, not able to like so and so, etc etc etc .......

We broke up with her giving me the strangest reason i have ever heard in my entire life. It is something which can be cured but refused to admit or accept treatment, though will not cause death but its not really something which cannot be resolved. Bah whatever, FUCK OFF!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The lyrics are as per below if you are interested :
I would have given you all of my heart
but there's someone who's torn it apart
and she's taking almost all that I've got
but if you want, I'll try to love again
baby I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
'cause when it comes to being lucky she's cursed
when it comes to lovin' me she's worst
but when it comes to being loved she's first
that's how I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest

I still want you by my side
just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
cause I'm sure gonna give you a try
and if you want, I'll try to love again
but baby, I'll try to love again, but I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest

'Cause when it comes to being lucky she's cursed
when it comes to lovin' me she's worst
but when it comes to being loved she's first
that's how I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest

Monday, October 06, 2008

Ahhhhhhhh Vacation

Vacation - a period of suspension of work, study, or other activity, usually used for rest, recreation, or travel; recess or holiday:

Suspension of work --> Checked!
Recreation --> Checked!
Travel --> Hell yeah Checked!
Rest --> HELL NO!!! :(

The reason i changed my blog title from "The boring life of Dai Fei" to "The stories of baggy eyed and stiff shouldered lawsh" was to reflect what is going on with me. And a well needed vacation was all that was in my mind when i was feeling burned out from work. Made up plans for the whole week of holidays.

Got a hold of cheap accommodation at Cameron for a 3d2n stay. Went up and came back feeling more tired than before i was on this supposed vacation. Although i would say i had fun but the travel took a toll on me. I drove most of the journey on the flatlands ie highway so rest was not an option. When swerving left and right up the mountain, a couple of the passengers lost their stomach content. Although not too cold at our destination but some are just not able to get accustomed to the surroundings. No prizes there as to why the vacation have not worked too well for me. Believe it or not, instead of just being burned out, im now sun burned @_@"

Went on a couple more of 1-day trips to have more fun with my son. I had fun too but no surprises again that not much rest was garnered. I suppose it was worth more than any rest to spend quality time with my son :)

Hmmm, how do i get some real rest?

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Is it written in the stars?

Ironic to think back that there were many many tell tale signs of what is to be. Despite it supposedly being carved into your palm, you choose to deny or ignore that which cannot be changed.

I was told many years ago that relationship will not be a fruitful one by an old palmist. When i asked about how many children i was going to have, he was VERY reluctant to reveal. To me i was just thinking that he is giving me a free reading what can i expect? I can't be asking for my whole life's journey be told without paying right?

I have given her many gifts, some of which are 'supposedly' unbreakable but they broke o_O. So could these be signs of what was to be? One can only argue that you will find what you want to find if you seek it.

An earlier break up when the relationship started revealed how different 2 people look at a relationship. Relationship however is a 2-way thing, so work have to be put into so that things will move. I learned that and worked hard to improve and took a lot of heat from many parties on what should or should not be happening. I believe that everyone have their own ways of doing things, so i took comments and try to improve on what im 'supposed' to be bad at. Perhaps at the tail end, the 2 of us seem to be more of a 1-way street laid next to each other portraying a 2-way street.

Maybe chemicals messed up our brain and clouded our judgement to be together and stay stuck together for whatever reasons. And now that have run out, so have the reasons to be staying together. Its an outcome which saddens the people who tried to microscope and dissect and treat. Perhaps what is to be is to be and its really written in the stars or carved into one's palm, there is no escaping what that had been set.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

They say that ..................... (continued)

when you are lonely, your mind will play tricks on you. Perhaps its not playing tricks, when you are awake, your brain is supposed to do something. If you have nothing for it to do then it starts to have fun and gives you images/thoughts of perhaps some unworldly things.

there is no second chance in life. I wonder why the heck there are so many prisoners then? Just have them all dead for the wrongdoings no matter the offense was heavy or light. IMHO if a person really wants to try to correct what he/she have done, at least listen to whether the person genuinely have the intention to do so.

one should look before one leaps. 'Look' can be done from several angles, if you only have your own views then there will never be wrong according to your own set of rules/view. 'Leaps' should only be done when the 'look' is firm and correct/acceptable.

some decisions in life will come back and haunt you. Nobody is perfect, so of course there will be wrongdoings. I have had many many decisions come back and haunt me, some are genuinely my fault so i accept them. Some which are more serious, perhaps are done with consideration of several factors/people. Despite a good intention, the outcome may not turn out to be as expected hence the haunting.

things will never be same again. I believe this depends VERY much on your amount of experience. If you have seen much of the world then there is nothing much to surprise you with.

men should not cry. I believe there was a medical article which said about your eyes requiring some washing from time to time and tears are natural washers.

good people die younger/faster OR good deeds are repaid with bad consequences. So i really find this to be true as there have been many good people who are now gone from this world. Its not to say that bad people will have eternal life but im just saying that maybe we should re-look at life and not being such a good person after all.

钱不是万能, 但没有钱是万万不能. For those who don't understand, "Money cannot solve everything BUT without money, everything cannot be solved". Ironic but very true, many may deny the fact BUT the fact of the matter is, everything revolves around money.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Yet another missed song

Heh, old songs that i used to love are now telling my stories.

知道你不是真的爱我 by 动力火车

从你渐渐地沉默发现你想要离开我
慢慢消失的温柔谁能够承受
为你伤悲为你泪流日子不好过又如何
还有什么可以保留什么都没有
喔~~知道你不是真的爱我
喔~~最爱的时后你却要走
多苦我都会承受最怕你什么都不说
几个伤口几次痛谁付出较多
为你伤悲为你泪流日子不好过又如何
还有什么可以保留什么都没有
喔~~知道你不是真的爱我
喔~~最爱的时候你却要走
喔~~知道你不会永远爱我
喔~~我来的时候你已远走
怪我自己纵容你太自由
爱情里失守却不能多说
对我来说这结果太刺痛
你真的要走我还能说什么

Anybody remembers Mr Neo?

For those who studied in SMKBTR would know him especially the Science stream classes as he taught us Additional Mathematics. Known to be quite a strict man, he is like any good teacher trying to do his best to get the best out of us.

I bumped into him taking the LRT last Thursday. He was bringing his daughter to the government dentist just opposite my office. Using his benefits as an ex-government servant very well :)

He asked me which batch i was from as he has been a teacher for so many years. I told him and also naming a few of my friends who were more popular and smart to spur on his memory.

After knowing which year i finished school at BTR, he told me that he moved on to Sentul to become headmaster there the next year. He just retired 3 years ago, meaning to say he was headmaster for 5 years.

Our conversations were few and far in between literally speaking as we were seperated by other commuters. We both alighted at BTR station and now he drives a SLK (small little kancil) which is an upgrade to his very old Honda kap.

He still looks very much like he was when he was teaching us 10 years ago. His hair neatly combed with his grey hair here and there. Put on a little weight IMO but again like i said, he still looks very much like in the old days.

Monday, September 08, 2008

My first ever HDD died T_T

I remember i bought my 20GB HDD at either PC Fair or MicroFest where i went along with my friends hunting for cheap CDRs to burn games or animes. I used my CNY angpau money which totalled about Rm200+. Because my PC died for quite some time so i took out my this HDD so i could use my those external IDE connector to access it via my office laptop, BUT sadly it died on me when i wanted to copy some songs which i wanted to listen to in office, the dreaded "tak tak tak" sound was heard and my Mp3 folder was empty. In this HDD there are more than 10GB of my favourite songs, my entire song collection, mixture of English, Chinese, Japanese, Malay and other languages songs. If anyone every copied any songs from me, now is the time i wish they liked my collection and still have it with them so that i can copy back what i have lost.

The song which i wanted to hear most now can only be streamed which is not a good thing as the admins in my office now are trying to keep tabs on which IP is utilizing high bandwidth so streaming is bad. The song is called 分手吧 by 张震岳.

写一封没有地址的信
想寄到你的心里
告诉你渐渐变淡的爱
你是否曾经注意
过去的美丽日子已经不再
我还在傻傻地找寻
也许你想要说但说不出口
我知道你想说
分手吧 我们分手吧
不要在骗我说你还爱著我
你我的梦
彼此的不同
就算是当作一时糊涂爱错
分手吧 我们分手吧
不要在骗我说你还爱著我
你我的梦
彼此的不同
就算是当作一时糊涂爱错
分手吧

写一封没有地址的信
想寄到你的心里
告诉你渐渐变淡的爱
你是否曾经注意
过去的美丽日子已经不再
我还在傻傻地找寻
也许你想要说但说不出口
我知道你想说
分手吧 我们分手吧
不要在骗我说你还爱著我
你我的梦
彼此的不同
就算是当作一时糊涂爱错
分手吧 我们分手吧
不要在骗我说你还爱著我
你我的梦
彼此的不同
就算是当作一时糊涂爱错
分手吧

分手吧 我们分手吧
不要在骗我说你还爱著我
你我的梦
彼此的不同
就算是当作一时糊涂爱错
分手吧 我们分手吧
不要在骗我说你还爱著我
你我的梦
彼此的不同
就算是当作一时糊涂爱错
分手吧
>90% of the words used in this song describes how im feeling now.

T_T *Tears rolls down my cheeks*

Friday, September 05, 2008

Alone since 23/8/2008

To the outside world, the unthinkable had happened. For the people involved, perhaps you can call it that the volcano finally erupted. The tension and patience could not be held back anymore and therefore had to be released. Accumulation of problems on top of each other which could not be resolved resulted in this incident. Every effort which can be thought of by me have been tried to be done but sadly to no avail.

Yes, everyone would agree that its a great pity and waste to throw in the towels after so much effort have been put into it. Everybody would love to help but let me ask you, how do you want to help if you do not know what is the problem? Even if you know the problem, there must be co-operation from the people involved to try to resolve it.

Who is the selfish one i have not a scale to measure against. What is left now is a big headache as to how to make others understand that like many things in this world, what is seen is not the real thing.

Though i do not sleep as late as i used to 12+, but i wake up every morning, feeling that i have not had a proper rest. This could be due to several causes. Im having dreams almost throughout the night, good and bad ones. I don't get much dreams before this which is good as your brain do not need to generate those images and keep on working when you are supposed to get rest. When i do wake up, i check on my son, making sure he is not too out of position from his sleeping area on the bed, try to pull covers over him so that he won't get cold. He is not afraid of the cold as he is a 'hot' type of person, even in airconditioned rooms he would reject being covered with blankets.

My panda eyes are so aparent, it reminds me of looking at an old friend of mine when we were in school, his eye bags were always there and dark, wanna take a guess? Not only that, my mind is blank despite looking like im troubled by deep thoughts.

2 paragraphs of the chorus from Nobody Knows by The Tony Rich Project

I pretended I'm glad you went away
These four walls closin' more every day
And I'm dying inside
And nobody knows it but me
Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
And I'm crying inside
And nobody knows it but me

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' about
The love that we had
And I'm missin' you
And nobody knows it but me

Monday, August 18, 2008

They say that .....................

when you get older, you get wiser. You will look at things differently and your thinking will be more mature as you have experienced ups and downs as you progress to your decline. But then again, its like a science question, you now know more about something but with that knowledge you actually find out that you don't know a whole lot more things. So isn't it ironic that you are actually not getting wiser perhaps you are even getting more stupid?

when bad luck is upon you, more bad luck will follow suit. Many a time, when you thought you have reached a very low point in life, you get beaten down even more be it real luck or some happenings in life. I know, i have advised others that, "What don't kill you makes you stronger" but im at a stage of bleeding out 6/7 liters of my blood. I have been half dead many times during my short life, but at this moment in time, im sinking faster than a tonne of gold into the Mariana Trench.

when you are trapped in the deepest darkest situation, there will somehow be a light to guide you out of whatever deep pile of shit you are in. Perhaps for those who failed they are forever trapped in their deepest darkest pit and totally loses it from the real world. Swimming in the darkness with no sense of direction or purpose.

when the going get tough, the tough does something. I wonder what would the tough do if he was a lump of jello?

when you think negatively, you will get more negatives. If there is not glimmer of light to guide you or a wall which you can lean on or even a floor for you to fall on to, of course since you are not McGuyver you won't have a swiss army knife nor Zippo in hand to help you out.

there are people even worse off than you. If everyone is unique then that person is in a unique pile of deep shit catered for him.

(in Chinese) people to people comparison will result in death. Peer pressure does get to someone especially if you are not able to compete.

there is a God. Perhaps i have been watching too much House M.D, but God is so similar to blind faith whereby nobody knows for sure that there is a Heaven or Hell for you to go to after your so called crossing over or Judgement Day or other terminologies that you want to use.

good deeds will repaid with many fold of better things to the doer. So if the reverse is true then a bad deed should also get many fold of worse things to the doer, BUT then how do i find that more baddies are still alive and kicking while the good guys are falling faster than you can say "Merry Christmas".

sorry is useless. What is done is done and the word is just a formality whether you mean it or not. All is said to be forgiven but the thorn is forever latched in the heart, the scar will never heal and will always bleed out when bullets are required to be fired.

there are so many things in life so always try to stop and smell the roses else you will miss everything as they fly past you.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Swimming in melancholy

At first i wanted to post something about my experiences during my college days after many many flashbacks from my long chat with my first sem roommate cum classmate but it does not reflect what is really going on now to me. Melancholy is a word which i came across when flipping through a dictionary during my many many boring days in college. It is said that bad things comes cascading down but the reverse is rarely the case. Bad luck follows you when you don't need it the most.

Note for non-chinese educated readers : If you would want to be able to understand the chinese words going to be used and you are using Firefox, install this extension so that you will be able to" read" the chinese words.

The relation of my roommate vs my melancholy is that he brought a CD Walkman with him to college and i often borrow it to listen to chinese songs (which was quite foreign for me then). The likes of Power Station and Zhang Zhen Yue were his favourites and due to lack of choices, i too began to like their songs. Zhang Zhen Yue's songs were mostly simple (in terms of chinese phrases used) and the music was fun though the lyrics may not be. One of my favourite song by Zhang Zhen Yue was introduced to you all here. As for Power Station, my favourite is still 那就这样吧.

It is very odd even to myself why i like sad songs so much. One of my bad bad habit which i always admit was picked up from a song by Jordan Chan. 没那种命 had alot of sighing in it and during my times of sadness this song was played over and over again until my then roommate would puke and even for him to be able to remember the lyrics. Sorry my dear old friend, im sure you understand how i felt during those troubled times and thank you for being there and also to put up to my ever loud big sighs. I loved many of Jordan's song because his songs uses very simple words which coincided with his own down times to express his sadness in his songs at that time.

Another song which was not so famous but brought a very deep meaning for me was by Leo Ku titled 木纳.
我在你家楼下
喊你喊到声音越来越哑
想笑就笑想哭你就哭吧
到我怀里把我当成是他
女人喜欢男人很会说话
偏偏我的个性不多话
情话甜得太肉麻谎话真的很复杂
所以听不清楚不如作罢
你说我太木纳
承诺短得只有一句话
谈恋爱的文化我学习得很差
你问得我难以招架
我怪我太木纳
安慰总是说得坑坑巴巴
不擅长的笑话我尽量在表达
就算别人笑我太傻
我在你家楼下
喊你喊到声音越来越哑
想笑就笑想哭你就哭吧
到我怀里把我当成是他
女人喜欢男人很会说话
偏偏我的个性不多话
情话甜得很肉麻谎话真的很复杂
所以说不清楚不如作罢
你说我太木纳
承诺短得只有一句话
谈恋爱的文化我学习得很差
你问得我难以招架
我怪我太木纳
安慰总是说得坑坑巴巴
不擅长的笑话我尽量在表达
就算别人笑我太傻
你说我太木纳
承诺短得只有一句话
谈恋爱的文化我学习得很差
你问得我难以招架
我怪我太木纳
安慰总是说得坑坑巴巴
不擅长的笑话我尽量在表达
就算别人笑我太傻
太木纳
Edit : How can i miss out this song, it got me pass many many days during my sadness over my love on another girl. 赵传 - 爱要怎么说出口

教我怎么能不难过
你劝我灭了心中的火
我还能够怎么说怎么说都是错
你对我说离开就会解脱
试着自己去生活试着找寻自我
别再为爱蹉跎
何必为爱蹉跎

只是爱要怎么说出口
爱要怎么说出口
我的心里好难受
如果能将你拥有我会忍住不让眼泪流
第一次握你的手指间传来你的温柔
每一次深情眼光的背后
谁知道会有多少愁多少愁

教我怎么能不难过
你劝我灭了心中的火
我还能怎么做怎么做都是错
如果要我把心对你解剖
只要改变这结果
我会说我愿意做我受够了寂寞
Of course being a non-chinese educated person, i will understand more english songs where words i can search up easily if i do not know the meaning. If a chinese word is not understood you will have to approach a person who is patient enough to withstand your utterly stupid questions as to what the word means and/or how to use it.

One english song's chorus which really describe what im going through would be Nobody Knows by The Tony Rich Project. Its personal enough for me not willing to share but depressing enough to not able to hide it. Its just like a saying which i have not used for a VERY long time, "I have lost my smile".

Many of the songs which i listened to could (still) bring tears to my eyes. Im actually quite down and out for many weeks already. I thank my friends who took notice of my strange status updates in Facebook to help lift me up from my gloominess.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Don't FUCKING ask me about these anymore.

Q = Question.
SA = Sarcastic answer
RA = Real answer

Q : "Hey lawsh, when do you want to move in to your new house?"

SA : "Oh hey, i just i want to do a case study on how the forest can reclaim Cheras at my new house, you know just like how the forests reclaimed Angkor Wat."

RA : "I don't fucking have the money to continue the renovation works. And by the way its not owned by me. I can only manage to get through the month every month but i still carry debts, so how to take on more debts when you are already negative?"

Q : "Do you still live at your old house?"

SA : "Oh yeah, been renting for almost 2 decades already, very kam ching"

RA : "I would very much love to have a place of my own be it even by rental BUT i can't fucking afford it all. It is really hard for me to explain why i don't have enough money, im not a spendthrift person in fact i would honestly admit that im fucking stingy."

Q : "So how is your house searching going on?"

SA : "Im spoiled by choices"

RA : "I have found several decent and of course after years of defiance not to look at non-landed properties, i had to give in as i do not have enough means to be able to look at the numbers required monthly."

Q : "So when are you going to have a second baby? 3-4 years gap is a good time already"

SA : "I am so damned happy to have sex everyday that i don't want to stop it for 9 months due to the pregnancy"

RA : "If you know the size of my house/room then you will know that there is not enough room for me to expand my family. This coupled together with my negative monthly income goes hand in hand with why i can't afford another one now. I too would LOVE to have more children, my original intention is to have 4 in total, 2 boys and 2 girls given the choice."

Q : "You still with M******? Why not try other places?"

SA : "M****** is so damned good with its super benefits that i refuse to leave, i can kick back and relax but still enjoy all those shit"

RA : "I have been job hunting since this post. Its not like i did not get any offers at all, i did get one about December last year. Its salary offer and benefits are fair enough BUT some more realistic calculation methods were introduced to me and it is not much of an improvement (around 5% annually, a good increase should be in the region of 20-30%) to my current job. To add a twist to this story, i received a promotion letter on 1st April backdating my promotion to January 08. So by staying i still got the salary being offered by that company and retain the benefits which i am entitled to now. Another offer did come in by a famous consulting firm but it was more towards programming which i do not prefer and hence being a stupid fucking idiot honest person i went and told the HR that given the choice i would not take it up, BUT in reality if i really took up a job which i could not handle then it may be worst given the fact that it has taken me more than 2 years to receive just 2 offers."

Q : "Long time no see you, you look fat"

SA : "I don't have to worry already, my stocks are wholly owned by my wife already"

RA : "To be honest with you, i eat much lesser than i did before marriage. Why am i still expanding sideways? I have no fucking idea, i don't exercise much before and after marriage, so not much difference in that sense. I take half portion of rice after my marriage especially at night. I dislike fatty meats because they make me puke, i eat a whole lot more veggies nowadays, a lesson learnt far too late as i have already suffered the consequences of pimples and acne outbreaks."

Q : "Are you balding?"

SA : "9 out of 10 bald men are rich men, i may be joining the 9's club"

RA : "Its genetics, i have not have much hair since my schooling days. The 'M' sign on my forehead only makes it more apparent. Perhaps too much Maggi could have contributed to it as well."

Q : "Why do you always act like you are cool?"

SA : "Did you know that you use less muscle by frowning than to smile? It means that you won't get wrinkles as fast"

RA : "To be honest, i did not know that by NOT smiling, its cool @_@!. Im not built to smile, if you ask me to smile to take a photo, my lips would end up like a straight line only. Unless im really happy, you won't get a real smile out of me. I do LOL alot real life but its mostly sarcastic."

Note : more may be added if i can think of more

Thursday, July 17, 2008

FF7 : Crisis Core for the PSP

For those who have played Final Fantasy 7 would be somewhat interested to try anything which is related to it. I am no different. No, i do not own a PSP, it belongs to my sister's boyfriend.

The game bears a lot resemblance to the original FF7 BUT it is much more linear which the developers tried to cover up with its sidequests called "Missions" in the game. There are many scenes and items which will bear great significance to loyal FF7 players.

I loved the materia system in this game which is relatively simple unless you want to freakish and merge them to become the highest level possible just for the sake of completing the game.

Its different from the original game whereby every battle will be real time and not time-based turns. I suppose they just want to move on faster and also to make the game more exciting for the newer generation of players.

It took me over 23 hours to finish the game, in real life time it took me about 2-3 weeks. The original game took me almost 50 hours to complete (48+ if not mistaken).

The game does explain more about some stories in FF7, you get to see many familiar characters and in a way somewhat reveals their history. That is the whole aim of this 10th anniversary game.

Monday, June 30, 2008

J (another sad story from her)

Sorry Yong, i do not intend to copy your inspiration for posting but i have been holding back on this post idea for quite some time already ever since i got the news from her (the girl in that post) about her break up AGAIN.

Not that i want to claim to be an expert in relationship predictions but i guess i was right about this guy as well. It NEVER seemed right from the very start but she seems to be not able to make the right decisions when it comes to relationships though all seem to have a good start.

Let's not condemn her further instead pummel the idiot guy who made a super crazy decision from my point of view. The decision to not wed the girl of his dreams, which i believe would not happen to him again. What was the conflict? Religion vs love. Being filial and religious is one thing but to pass on the chance of a lifetime from a very understanding and willing companion, i really have no word to describe. Perhaps you can accuse me of being too biased or regard her too highly but being a person who had been very close to her and was once in the guy's shoe, i could not help but to think that way.

If religion is so important why not become a monk/pastor/priest or whatever title that associates you closer to God. I love to quote from a cartoon series where a supposed monk exclaimed, "If you want to be closer to God, why don't you just go and die!". That is the most logical statement i have ever heard about religion.

If you want to talk about being filial, this girl have been through it all and of course taught me many things about being filial either via her own personal experience stories or heart felt advices. So there is actually no problem on this matter.

If you want to talk about income capability, then the 2 of them working and with her independent family in an above average status will not require her to contribute monetary wise. Heck her father even bought her a house when she was still single, in fact all her siblings also have a house to their name.

Too bad i have not seen her online for quite some time already, else there will be a lengthy chat again. This blind fly does seek my advice but like most people who consult me, they do not want to listen to my heed and more often than not end up realizing the prediction i casted upon them.

She really does deserves a break from all these not so good lucks. I hope she will have some good news the next time we chat again.

p/s : For those who are wondering what does J mean? Its her her initial without giving away too much detail.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Bamboo9

After a VERY long time of not hanging out with my friends, i could finally regain some freedom and let loose a much needed break. I think its been well over a year since i been to any drinking session, don't even mention about beer or liquor, even yamcha also most of the time could not make it.

I had a great time during this session despite being very drunk at the end of it. Here are the pictures as proof. Happy birthday my dear friends!

The birthday boys + organizer (the self proclaimed sexytary)

More pics with the birthday boys

What a happy bunch

Your's truly with a new hairstyled wifey

The leng lui-s

Some makeshift birthday cakes from a similar named shop (Bamboo9 Deli)

The "hmm" gang?

Your's truly with Aunty Chee totally wasted

Note : Pics ripped from Sexytary's facebook.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Periods

The kind of periods that i want to talk about are no doubt about female periods. Not in the sense that its a monthly repetition kind of thing but more of the effects on the person and the people around them.

Some girls will claim that they will have bad stomachaches until it really disrupts their life, some claims to have no ill effects and etc. So what the hell is really happening? For those who show signs physically, of course one will get the plain fact to avoid any issues with them. For those who claim that they suffer no ill effects, to me still show some signs of change in their attitude.

The change in attitude can be seen or heard when they flip out, out of a sudden when in normal times they would be more calm in resolving some issues. A normal touch also can set them off. In some cases, you just want to care for them, sigh.

Are there anymore signs which one should look out for? Ladies give the guys a hand, please.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

CHAMP10NS and Kings of EUROP3!

Yeah yeah, i know its a bit late BUT as the saying goes, "Better late than never". No more song sharing this year as Multiply have shut down the music sharing portion. If you are a true fan you would have all those songs by now :)

Breaking my superstitious beliefs for the last 2 games of the season, i watched them tentatively from beginning till end. Nail biter chances and misses, my fingernails are testament that i was really tensed up watching the games.

Our win on the last game of EPL season coupled with Chelsea's draw was nothing compared to my experience of watching the UEFA Champions League final. I rarely get up in the early mornings of 3am to watch football anymore these days due to work but i thought to myself this game is a must watch. It was described by another fan that, "Its more exciting than my wedding, but don't tell my wife about it".


If it was not in the middle of the night i believe my voices screaming in agony would be heard by my surrouding neighbours as Tevez then Carrick's efforts were double saved by Cech's super reflexes. Giggs as always preferred his left foot more than his right could have sealed the game without going to penalties, if only he did another wonder goal, like the one he scored against ARSEnal with his right foot then he would have a statue erected right there and then.

After watching RvN's missed penalty against ARSEnal some seasons back, i always felt that i would jinx the taker by watching it so from then on i NEVER watched another live penalty kick. We got more accurate scoring more than 95% of the penalties and i glad i missed all of them, a small effort for my team to win :)

During the time of the 14 penalties i could have walked up to 1km from my living room to the kitchen as i was restless and keep on praying to the football gods for my guys NOT to miss and for Van der Sar to save Chelsea players' efforts. Ronaldo missed and my heart sank, i never imagined that Terry would be taking the 5th penalty for Chelsea and i was praying like i have never prayed before (well i really don't pray as i don't believe in any kind religion). He missed and i kept on praying all the time away from the TV and even the sounds of the TV (i would normally switch channels to completely miss the penalty and then watch the playback later). I was in the kitchen and Anelka stepped up, i prayed even harder with my eyes closed for VDS to save it and then a roar erupted from the TV, i ran to the living room and HELL YEAH we have won it!!!

If it was not for Terry's miss, Chelsea would have won it but the ghosts of Munich Air Disaster team tripped him and prevented the penalty from being converted. We are now the Kings of EUROP3!!!



Let the champagnes flow and the parades begin, it was 6am i definately can't go to work in my zombie like state. My boss understood my position and let me off :p

Glory Glory Man United
Glory Glory Man United
Glory Glory Man United
As the Reds Go Marching On! On! On!


Once a DEVIL always a DEVIL

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

My first step in the Mac World ^_^

I am not known to be lucky person when it comes to lucky draws BUT yesterday was somewhat different. For the first time in my life i won something which i hoped i would win via lucky draws. Though it was not the Ipod which i would really LOVE but i consider it as my first step into the elite world of Mac owners :p

Behold my lucky Ipod Shuffle. The thing about lucky draws are that you can't select colors but shucks, i was lucky enough to be picked so color is a second matter :)


Nice angle on the box


Front view


Content of the box minus the Shuffle


The total package =D


Time to charge the Shuffle and to fire it up ^_^

Edit /Update :


Your's truly accepting his lucky gift ^_^

Monday, May 12, 2008

Them dumbz, seriously.

The issue of Malaysians not willing to stay or work for Malaysia is not new. It did not started when the newspapers started to report that graduates are unwilling to return to Malaysia after completing their studies overseas. Or the cases of brilliant young minds leaving the country.

Case 1 : Olivia Lum (YES SHE IS NOT A SINGAPOREAN BY BIRTH)
For those who watched TV on weekends could have watched her story in of those documentaries that talks about great Malaysian Chinese who made significant contributions. If my poor memory serves me correctly, she was born in Taiping and was one of the few lucky females who get to study in Universiti Malaya during the 70s. She received her diploma and got what many old folks would call an iron bowl job, though the title is actually a clerk in KL. Due to her ambition and dream perhaps, she wanted to start up her own company which would bring benefits to the community, can't remember what was her original plan though. At that time, females are not highly regarded in a male dominated field and thus realizing her potential limited by such chauvinist views, she moved south and opened her company called HyFlux, a water treatment company. Her company invested in a revolutionary technique in water treatment and won a bid to treat water in a certain part of Singapore (which my memory again failed to register). Due to her low cost and effectiveness of the technique, her company flourished.

Case 2 : Graduate Doctors who studied overseas.
It was recently revealed that graduates may bypass the government hospital internship by spending more years overseas and return roughly 10 years (6 years of studies and 4 years of 'accompanying' spouse) to work as higher ranked (thus higher paid) and bypassing the mandatory internship in government hospitals when compared to local graduates. So why return when Benjamins or QEs are worth much more than Ringgits?

Case 3 : Straight A students of different color
This case happens every year though now that the media is getting more and more critical about this situation, there seems to be no shortage of it. It has always been the case of unfairness which is an open secret. Straight A students of incorrect color WILL lose to another student who achieved straight Bs to enter universities and/or choice course. They made the newspapers cover to be the best student in Malaysia BUT could not even get the course which they applied for which in my opinion is a no contest and should be accepted IF NOT offered seats by the universities themselves. Recently i believe being the correct color may not escape the same fate of being rejected as well, funny how the wheel turns, no?

Case 4 : How much do you think a Malaysian youth is worth for Malaysia?
According to a Chinese newspaper report which my mother shared with me, 40k. Yes, they are worth just 40k and 5k extra was given from other parties who took pity on youths who went for the mandatory (with unknown and more often than not lousy selection criteria) National Service. If my child was selected i would rather pay a doctor 5k to write an indefinite exemption letter to this so called bullshit NS. Youths who wish to go on these NS are not allowed to as they were not selected and those who do not wish or have complications are not allowed to escape this potentially 'death sentence'. I wonder what would happen if a famous Datuk's child passed away due to some mishaps during the NS?

So with just 4 cases which filled my head at the time of writing, one should be able to make their own judgement on this trivial question asked by the government.

Friday, April 25, 2008

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Actually i had something to blog but after 2 paragraphs, i scrapped it as again i seem to have thought up another topic which may not be so useful to blurt out. At least its off my chest after typing it out. So instead i went and do this test which i believe i had done before some time ago.





The Keys to Your Heart



You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.



In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.



You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.



You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.



Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.



Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.



You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.



In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.



Seems to be quite descriptive of me. What do you think?

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Super Sunday Weekend the big 4 clash!

If you are not a football fan, i think its about time for you to stop reading. For those who are not you would know that the games were Manchester United vs Liverpool and Chelsea vs Arsenal.

What im trying to get at with this post is NOT about the results nor the antics which happened on the pitch. I went shopping at the new wing of Sunway Pyramid and so many people wore the jersey of their supported teams. To my surprise there are quite a number of female fans, not that i disapprove of this, of course.

Now to the interesting part, which i noticed not only in 1 or 2 couples but many. I will take 1 couple as example, the bf was wearing Liverpool jersey and the gf was wearing Manchester United jersey. I had a smile on my face from ear to ear to see a fellow female supporter *2 thumbs up*. I was wondering (this was before the game was played), if they are really HUGE supporters of their chosen team, and the game turned out NOT to be a draw, what would happen?

Thoughts went through my mind :
If Liverpool had won, the gf might say, "No sex for you for 1 month" LOLz.
If Manchester United won, the bf might say, "Im gonna score against you tonight" another ROFL.

Well, i might never know the outcome of that and i really felt an urge to give my friend a holler as she is a Manchester United supporter and her fiance supports Liverpool, i would like to know what would happen between them?

What do you guys think, drop me your thoughts :p

Monday, March 17, 2008

My car self upgraded! o_0!!!

Yesterday while driving home, my car sounded more and more like those sports car or some might put it as lala driving a those souped up (sound only) Wiras etc, or like a 5 tonne lorry struggling to climb a hill.

I really don't fucking know how those SOBs can stand those fucking noise of vroom vroom vroom!!! Fuck, i was in the car for only 45 minutes, i had a headache when i reached home and my ears were like the time when i came out of discos, lost hearing for quite some time before able to hear properly again.

While in the car i jokingly asked my wife whether she silently souped up our car with some turbocharger or some sports car engine mounted into our car. Well i would kill her if she did that coz the same amount of money could be used to do something MUCH better.

In the end, what made the noise was the exhaust pipe. What is missing is the small pipe coming out of the muffler. I have never seen or heard of such a kind of problem to car o_0.

Sigh what it all translates to in the end is that i have to fork out money to fix it coz i don't wanna maintain my current status as a lala. How much would this cost me? T_T

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Krabi Trip Day 2

Another busy day as the gang have put on a tight schedule to do the island hopping trip. According to them and the travel agency, our 1 day trip if for other visitors would be broken up into 2 days. Anyhows, me and my wife woke up early to have breakfast and perhaps take some pictures. Breakfast was not fancy, the usual stuff you can find in almost any hotels nowadays, fried meehoon, sausages, eggs and bread. I don't remember seeing any coffee though.

As we stayed out the previous night until more than 1am, many looked like zombies and would prefer NOT to have their pictures taken so i took some sceneries and the hotel pictures. After changing, we gathered at the lobby where some of the guys are still having their breakfast and since we did not know that bread would be provided when we go snorkelling we decided to bring some of our own bread from the hotel's breakfast. We packed 2 bags full.

The van came to pick us up and brought us to town to board the boat as the tides there are higher at that time. The island hopping was nothing fancy, similar to what we can get when go to places like Redang, Perhentian or the like. The only difference would be the crowd on the beaches, i would say that more than 90% are westerners. Only saw 1 topless lady sunbathing and at that a middle aged woman. So again nothing fancy :p

At one of the islands, we get to visit a tsunami evacuation site. It was about a 5-10 minutes walk into the jungle and was about a few meters higher than the sea level, along the way, you can see the signs showing how high the previous tsunami water level was. The site is actually a rocky cliff where there are many jagged edges, i was thinking if the waters were to pound the people who were fleeing against the wall of the cliff then they would have cuts all over.

We had lunch and the food served was MUCH better than any of the restaurants that we visited other than the pizza of course :p. Perhaps its because we were all hungry, there was a green curry dish which i really do think pwns the rest of the dishes i had over the course of this trip.

Chicken island can easily be recognized by a shape of 2 islands where the smaller island looks like a small head popping out of the sea from its "body" (the other bigger island). We landed at its head and proceeded to walk over to its body. The walk takes about 20-30 minutes as we would be walking in knee high water levels at the middle portion of the walk over to the "body" island. The highlight of it was the fact that you can cross islands easily as there is nothing on this island.

The fishes during snorkelling were hungry as always when it comes to bread. I got 2 bite marks to show for =_=. The boatmen threw some leftover fruits including a piece of pineapple to attract the fishes to the surface. So photographers take note, pack some pineapples from the hotel along with bread to attract the fishes if you wanna take pictures.

The boatmen brought us to an island which some sort of a lagoon which they claim that Pirate of the Caribbean was filmed there. The water was very murky as there is almost no circulation of water in or out of the lagoon. We passed at the chance to take a dip there.

Like i mentioned to my friends earlier to skip the island hopping trip if possible because we finished all the planned islands with 2 extra hours to kill, so the boatmen brought us to an extra island where the waters was deeper and lifejacket becomes a must as there are strong undercurrents.

We landed in front of hotel's beach as its high tide there now at about 5-6pm. Everyone was exhausted. Final night dinner and we ordered all seafood with the usual dishes like pineapple fired rice and tomyams.

One of the girls know that there is a Tesco nearby and would like to go there and get something items like Lay's chips which i agree is something like half price that of Malaysia's. Remember i mentioned "nearby"? Tesco Lotus (perhaps something like Tesco Extra) was actually 25km from town and closes at 10pm. When we finished dinner it was already about 8.30pm. No time to lose but communication to get a tuk-tuk there was TOUGH! The driver gave us a superb price or so we thought, about 20-30 minutes later we arrived at Tesco. Upon reaching the price changed and our jaws dropped!!! He doubled the initial price and we both could not understand each other and had a big argument. Its so damned hard to find an English speaking Thai there. After frantic search for help, we got a nice Thai girl to help do some translation and found out that he was actually charging for a round trip.

So we did our shopping and i had a stomachache after paying for the goods. I went to the toilet and found that its operational hours is the same as the shopping complex??? 10pm closed. OMG, luckily i was having a bad stomachache else i would have had to take dump at the roadside.
I was so freaking tired that i skipped the clubbing session which the rest of the gang went until something like 2am.

Day 3 is just to pack up and head back home. Reached KL Sentral at about 5pm, GREAT just in time for traffic jam.
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