Halfway done or 50% uncompleted?

Out of the 10 items i set out to do late 2008 to be completed by end of 2009, i have just managed to accomplish half of them. Some borne out of necessity, some you just need to throw money at. I would say that what were left are not as important as those which i have completed, so in a way i am satisfied enough eventhough on paper it is just halfway done.

Finish renovate house
This is very straightforward, basically its close to a do or die mission. We were practically forced out of our old home by the owner. Although the completion date of this was WAY slower than that which i had hoped but we are all glad that we are now living in a place of our own. In the process of accomplishing this, i have actually got another task shot down. Hitting 2 birds with 1 stone was great as that was what i had hoped to achieve when i started this.

Free from credit card debt
With the funds from the above item, i was able to channel some into clearing my debts. The unwanted distraction in my already bleak finance. Carrying a 5 figure debt from various sources was hurting me painfully every month. So i consolidated all of my problems into a 6 figure debt with a smaller interest rate. Longer repayment BUT got many things done with the funds. A gamble that paid off i suppose, i was in the red before this but now i have some breathing room every time i get my paycheck :)

Ipod Classic 120GB
A dream gadget which i had hoped to be able to afford but it was not meant to be :( Saw a superb offer but i did not dare to spend "unwisely" on personal entertainment. And with my chances of getting it from lucky draws from those events which i occasionally attended previously cut down to just courses, i don't think i will be able to achieve this at all.

New Digicam
After seeing my third Canon Powershot series camera failing me, i vowed to NEVER buy a Canon anymore. I did some research and got some advice from friends and i was pointed to 1 direction brand ie Panasonic. With a new brand in mind, i searched for a suitable model and found a model which was in the region of my budget. The target model which i wanted was actually going to be obsolete and i was directed to get its replacement model which i did and am satisfied with it although i have found some flaws with th design of the camera. There are of course ways to compensate for that.

New Handphone
Things like to be in trend i suppose, my handphone was showing signs that it was not going to last for too long, going the same path of my digicam =_= It was also a trend to get touchscreen phones. The most popular of which would be the Nokia 5800 which unfortunately was owned by 3 of my lunch partners by the time i had enough money to go get it. So i had to search for a different phone which was still within my budget and have all the requirements for my phone "upgrade". After much advise and process of elimination, i got a HTC Touch 3G, RM100 cheaper than Nokia 5800 XD

New Videocam
My philosophy on this matter is that a digicam is meant for photos and videocams are meant for videos. So eventhough the manufacturers claim that each can do the job of the other at acceptable quality but i just don't buy that DESPITE the fact that there was a music video shot with a DSLR with "superb" video quality. Like i said, if each can do the other's job fine then why still make 2 types gadgets? This was then deemed surplus by me as i could not justify on the number of usage i could get out of it in 1 year, so i gave this one up quite early on.

Repair ALL my car problems
I have some money saved up for another usage so this would have to be postponed to hopefully before CNY. I would like to see my car in good condition again come CNY 2010 :) that is after i have used the money for its intended purpose and hopefully its before CNY.

Say Goodbye
SIGH ... This have been a huge headache all year round. It was actually made harder when i found out that what i knew was actually 100% wrong ... Now i really don't get women. @_@

To weigh <= 75kg
Goddamit, i was so damned close. I was less than 80kg in the first half of 2009 but then i got back up to over 80kg. It is actually totally bizarre as i EVERYONE that i know claimed that i looked thinner but it sure as hell do no explain why i am gaining weight again!!! GRRRR ... so frustrating.

Wake up from fantasy dreamland
This was a tough one. Although i claim to be only half awake by April but i was completely thrown off my bed and dream in December. It was never meant to be at all, i was told. I suppose i cannot not give up given the fact that i am trailing behind counted with light years.

So that was basically 2009 for me, 2010 does not look so good just before it arrived, 2 colleagues of mine left the company and the SHIT left behind will be taken up by your's truly. Its shit because its full of shit to begin with and it ended as a bigger pile of shit which was brought up to the attention of higher Management.

My very own HTC Touch 3G

After weeks of comparing, consideration and searching, i finally bought a HTC Touch 3G. Though not a completely new phone but it does have ample warranty left versus the price i paid :) Most would say that i got a bargain. It was within my set budget and the warranty left appealed to me so that's why its in my hands now XD

Though its not a so-called high end phone but its a whole lot different from my previous phones and sometimes i struggled to find or do what i wanted to. Since my colleague have 2 HTC 3G (1 for himself, the other for his "wife"), so being the n00b that i am, i requested help from him to get my phone up to speed with the good softwares and/or settings. But since everyone have their own preferences, i did my own customization after his efforts.

First hurdle was the contact list XD On my first day, i struggle to get past the first few contacts to find the person i wanted to call ... Would be very frustrating if it were an urgent or emergency. But hey im still finding my way around with this new phone.

The main reason that i got this phone was for the GPS, being clueless of locations especially those in PJ, it would be of great help to have some guidance if i did not do my research on the place i wanted to go. It can sometimes be such a hassle to ask others and what makes things worse is that i have not much info on the landmarks there and would be fully dependent on the person i ask for those clues to find the place.

With most of my friends owning a high tech gadget cum phone, i would like to join the group as well albeit not being too knowledgeable in this field. Well this is something which can be picked up so not much worries there.

I think i will need quite some time before i am able to fully grasp what i can or cannot do with this new phone :) For the time being, i am totally dependent on the people who own these kind of gadgets to guide me XD

Number 19

Another wishlist item is crossed out. Though its just a 95% success, i think i can't bring it any further as we have already moved in. Finally after so many years and around 500k in total (from everyone), we got our own house. With everyone scrapping the bottom of all their available savings, we got it done.

Since everyone is practically broke, we have to make due with what we have. After so many years cropped up in a little house filled with so many stuff up to our necks. We all have to be contented to have some extra flexing space but with no furniture. "Beggars can't be choosers".

Even after emptying my supposed future funds ie giving up the best interest rate in the country, i don't think the house will be complete as we have wanted it to be. Tough choices will have to be made and even more sacrifices to try to complete the dream move.

Project cost overruns are hard to curb, many unforeseen issues will arise and slaps you in the face leaving you almost scared stupid especially for those who are inexperienced. The budget was 100k but final bill is more than 120k, if not for a last ditch effort, i don't really see where 20k would magically appear to settle the issue.

I got to admit, i really don't know how some people can stand to move houses so many times. I was fucking exhausted. Basically i moved my own stuff only, not even touching the living room things @_@ My motor functions were next to useless as i could not lift my arms beyond my head, i can't clinch my fist, i had to drag my feet up the steps.

When you are just about to give praise to a service, they go back to being not worthy of being praised. On the same day (about 2 hours) that i applied for a new land line, the contractor who is supposed to do the job called saying that he wants to go and do it, i got the shock of my life from this super fast efficiency. Sadly though, the internet service was utterly disappointing but hell what else is new? I think i'll just retract the praise that i gave them a few days back.

Im still adjusting to life here but deep down, im glad this is finally done after so many years of wait. It would have taken MUCH longer if not for the separation. We all sacrificed something for a bigger picture, a gain that would benefit most BUT at the expense of those who must be sacrificed and someone who is yet to understand.

Note : Special thanks to my cousin, WJ and my friend, Ian for helping us in the move on 15/8/2009. Hontonyi arigato!

Say Goodbye - Step 2

Sat down together last Saturday to explain/discuss/deliberate with the lawyer. As always, the talk about divorce should be the last resort ... blah blah blah. But hey, that fella was like my lecturers or my ex boss, keeps on yapping and refuse to let me say my piece. Also like my ex boss is that, no matter what other people say, he still thinks that his way is best way and that is the only way of seeing things. OK fine, another thick head to deal with, sheesh.

An age old question was thrown up into the air, "Who would you save when all your close relatives are drowning when the boat they were on sank?". Your spouse, your parents and your child(ren). My answer to this like i have always answered it was that i don't save anyone at all. He immediately turned to me and exclaimed that im wrong, you should save the youngest person first to the eldest. Medically and statistically, i would agree BUT im not looking from that angle. You may be able to save youngest person BUT that person may end up like Del Spooner in I, Robot and question your logics on Why was he/she saved instead of the rest? Why are the others not important? Why would you deprive me of the other people whom i love? Why Why Why??? As famous chinese quote would put it, "Both sides of the palm are also meat", both choices are neither wrong nor right but they will hurt just as much. Even my choice is a coward one, a selfish one, to most maybe cruel or illogical even. I have no answer to the above questions, everyone is equally important and if your justification is that young ones still have a long way to go and old folks have gone through the good and bad then i cannot agree with it. Statistically again, anybody may die in the next minute for whatever reasons, so i cannot agree with his justification. As deliberated here, there is no right or wrong answers, only implications of what might be from your choice(s).

What is most important to you as a parent? Definately the child's welfare. If there is a choice would you want the child to live in a not so clean place but having better people to teach it or have it live in a clean place but people who may have bad influences (smoking, gambling, illiterate). Ideally of course you want the best but in reality is that that it is not as doable. As a matter of fact, im trying to implement some changes which hopefully would make things better.

Would you want to change your "better" life now to revert back to a half dead situation? What i foresee is that from debt free i would most likely be plunged into big negativity which i never really did recovered from the first 4 years. From at least 4 happy person to maybe none which are truly happy? I don't know, i really really don't know, are these really choices? Another point to consider maybe would be the heart is no longer feeling the same feelings it had many years ago.

I have 1 week to make up my mind. From what i have analyzed, current situation is better than it would be if changes were to be made for the the "supposed better". As number 5 of Shortcircuit would put, "Innnnnput, need more input!".

Till then, Take That - Love Ain't Here Anymore

Baby don't you want me to go
So honey, why don't you beg me to stay
For love, and talk the way we used to talk
Till we both know what weve lost
Never say the words we did before
Till it was over

Love ain't here anymore
Love ain't here anymore
Its gone away, to a town called yesterday
Love ain't here anymore

Listen, oh listen, I don't wanna let go
So maybe we can change the way we feel
For love, and open up the way we did before
Now is the right time
And Im sure you'd never say the words you did before
Until you knew it was over

Love ain't here anymore
Love ain't here anymore
Its gone away, to a town called yesterday
Love ain't here anymore

And when I find a place for me to keep my sweet love
Then I will leave it there forever more, yeah
And when I find someone to share I'll never give up
I will hold you and believe that this life leads to more

Love ain't here anymore
Love ain't here anymore
Its gone away, to a town called yesterday
Love ain't here anymore

Panasonic Lumix TZ7 ^_^

My order for the newly released Lumix TZ7 finally reached my possession yesterday. I have been doing alot of research to find a good camera and had earlier set my sight on TZ15 or FZ28 but since this is gonna be a family camera so i had to opt for the PnS (Point and Shoot) type ie TZ15 eventhough both are around the same price.

I purposely went to Sunway Pyramid for the Panasonic fair. Delighted that i may finally get the camera which i have aimed for so long but was disappointed to learn that TZ15 is being phased out and the replacement model is not yet released in Malaysia, ie the TZ7. The new model like all new things is of course more expensive than its older model so it became a bit out of reach :(

Asking around in LYN, i got a quote which was much cheaper than the RRP (recommended retail price) and remembered that i have a friend who have a Panasonic dealer friend, so i decided to get a quote from him as well just to compare or see if he can give a better one. Luck as it may seem is by my side and he was able to give me the same price BUT with all the free gifts which were given at the fair ^_^

Can't take the camera's pic with itself so i had to grab this from Panasonic's website :p

The box with its full content =D

Everything in the package, cloth bag included :p

Manual + CDs, Warranty card, the extra 4GB SDHC Memory Card :p Battery Protector, TV Cable and Plastic Lumix Landyard

6GB Memory Card (standard package), Lumix SDHC Card Holder

Battery Charger, 2 hours of charging for 2 hours of use =_=

The Synthetic Leather Case

With Panasonic's iA technology, i now have no more troubles having to flip from normal mode to macro mode. Though this may be a new standard for all brands of PnS, but this is the first time i really test it out. I can see my palm clearly at less than 5cm away :p Superb optical zoom (12x) will not be useful if there is no stabilizer technology, so i did try out the max zoom and my shaky hands were very noticeable but Mega O.I.S. kicked in and i got a good shot of my target ^_^

Its first real test would be my sister's trip to Bali. 10GB of memory should be able to accomodate them for their very short journey. Looking forward to enjoying the beautiful scenery captured when they come back =D

p/s : Uploading the pics here was really a pain, all the pics are almost 6mb in size EACH *sweat*

Half awake from a deep slumber

This is not about me waking up too early today. That would be the post above ^. I have got confirmation on something which i had suspected since Saturday. Things did not worked out as planned as im tied up with many other matters but in a way, im glad that this happened this way. It could have been worse and i may have lost a good friend.

If you can see me now, you will be able to know that im unhappy from my facial expression, im not known to be good at hiding how i feel. How i feel is generally shown on my face so depending on how 'black' it is, i would generally advise you to not test my patience because i believe it would have been reduced to zero or a bomb waiting to explode. However, depending on what it is, if you ask, i may share it if its not something which i do not want people to know.

I noticed that i have been in a deep slumber with a fantasizing dream which i did not wish to wake up from. A dream is a dream and reality it must face when i am awakened. I have actually scripted what might happen without taking into account of third party which may interfere, so what really happened now is just like what life can throw at you, surprises just when you least expect it.

In my script, i can see 2 endings where neither have a happy end, the way i see it. I have however factored in a unknown variable which have caused me some sleepless nights before. Since its unknown and very necessary, therefore there are infinite number of possibilities of how things might go. Since its a dream of course i would want the happier ending of the 2 to happen, knowing too well that its the least likely. But this unpredictable person have thrown up many surprises so the possibility no matter how remote it may seem may happen because she sometimes think very differently from other people.

I have changed my script very much factoring in more reality based variables. Perhaps i have underestimated a bit of the third party factor and too immersed into my fantasy that when things happened it just blew me away like what happened now. It doesn't matter because this is for the better, more for her and though less for me but i truly do wish her good luck as i have no confidence that i can come close to what she would have wanted. Many a time during her past relationships i have wanted to help but the green-eyed monster in me prevented me to do so.

After getting this out of the way, i can now hopefully concentrate on more pressing matters. My financials, "Say Goodbye", my job and what is left of my family. How funny is this, as i chatted with her, i talked about my other dream which now im striving towards is to provide for my family and try to shoulder more burden which my parents have been carrying for so long. With the heavy big stones which im carrying now, i must add-on more rocks and pebbles so that i can hopefully achieve that dream. There is still a long long way to go, next year's trouble is already in sight and nearer to now would be next month, 2 huge hurdles and i may have to go back into negatives to achieve what is asked of me.

Why is it half awake you may wonder? There is a small part of me that have not given up yet or to be more precise, is unwilling to surrender until i have got the answer told to me face to face or at least in a form which is concrete and will break this worthless piece of shit in me.

*Heaves a huge sigh of frustration!*

Ryu - My Memory (OST of Winter Sonata)

My Memory moh doo gee uhk hae yoh geuh soon gahn
Noon eul gahm euh myun ah joo jahk eun eel doh boh ee neh yoh
You're far away dah deul soo up neun goh seh
Sa rang hahn dah neun mahl doh gee dah leen dah neun mahl doh ha jee moht ha goh

Jung mahl mohl laht joh geuh dehl ee luht geh dah shee mahn nahl jool eun sehng gahk joh cha moht het suht joh

Ah jik nuhl sa rang hae ee jeh lah doh neh geh goh behk hahl kkeh
I want to love you forever
Neut jee ahn aht dah myun ee luht geh nah wah hahm kkeh young won hee

Oh leht dohng ahn geuh dehn nah ae gah seum ae mahn eun shee gahn heul luh doh
Ah joo muhl lee ee juh doh sahl ah eet sut joh

Jung mahl mohl laht joh geuh dehl ee luht geh dah shee mahn nahl jool eun sehng gahk joh cha moht het suht joh

Ah jik nuhl sa rang hae ee jeh lah doh neh geh goh behk hahl kkeh
I want to love you forever
Neut jee ahn aht dah myun ee luht geh nah wah hahm kkeh young won hee

English Translation

My Memory At that moment I remembered it all
When I see those memories they seem so small..
You're far away in a place that I can't reach
I can't wait for these words of love to be said

I really was to blame
Will I ever get to meet you again?
I can't even imagine that
I still love you and now I'll confess that to you
I wanna love you forever
It's not too late
Be with me forever

For a long time you've been in my heart
Much time passes and still you're far away, but I will stay alive

I really was to blame
Will I ever get to meet you again?
I can't even imagine that
I still love you and now I'll confess that to you
I wanna love you forever
It's not too late
Be with me forever

Say Goodbye - Step 1

After some info gathering, it seems that this is much more complicated than the reverse of this process =_=. To add insult to injury or rub salt into a wound, it costs a heck of a lot more too =_=|| I suppose this is to let people think through of this decision not to mention the time it may take to complete the whole damn thing.

As if being completely empty is not enough, now i have to find ways to shelve out more stupidly and definitely not welcomed especially at times like these (yes, the economic recession). Although she has stated that she will take up half the payment BUT it will still cost me like half my salary BEFORE tax and EPF.

Clauses will definitely be put in place to protect both parties' supposed rights. Although i would supposedly benefit more from it but i think there are actually 3 losers from this outcome. SIGH, i have no words to describe. Having seen several cases of what im about to go through, i don't see how things will turn out like how i envisioned when i first made plans on children. Although i have marched on through rain and shine for more than 4 years but things got more and more heavy to shoulder especially when we have been jettisoned by someone who thinks that she had thought it through mostly i would say is for HER own good. I suppose it matters not anymore, like how i always predicted, once a person already made up their mind, they would not listen to other's logic and believe that the decision made is final and there is no 2 ways about it.

The timeframe for all this bullshit could range from 3 months to 9 months of which i may not be able to complete this wish within my stipulated timeframe. This is kind of out of my control and i did not have much knowledge prior to setting it. It matters not i guess, the result is already a foregone conclusion written before i can have any say. She may argue that i have been given ample time to turn things around but things are not as they seem (in reality) when compared to what you think MIGHT be happening.

Let the gamesjourney begin and march on, in rain, shine, thunderstorm or flood! Come what may, fall and get up i will, try and retry, give up i cannot!

YOSH!!! 1 down, 9 more to go

Finally, the Rock has come back to ... i managed to complete 1 of the task i set for myself. I really have to admit that that 5 figure debt was really taxing me. Every month after getting my pay, i would have to channel 50% to pay them, one of which i can only afford only to pay the minimum sum. Sigh not as much from now on i suppose.

How did i do it? I suppose you would get this from any financial adviser who is really out to help you, consolidate all your debt and negotiate a good deal. My way was somewhat of standard practice in a way, i take a big loan and shoot a couple of birds right out of the sky.

Settled my car loan, several cards' debt and the extras are for a greater good. I will be facing my first payment next month and if my calculations are right, only 1/4 of my salary will be used to service the now big debt.

The bad thing is of course, im really seriously down to my last penny. There is no more umbrella, no more secret stash. My lifestyle will largely remain unchanged ie to not be able to spend too much. Still with the same budget on food and travel per month, the only difference, i have is a little more breathing space, just a small amount which hopefully i can save up and do something.

2 months in only 1 down, i still have a looooooooooooooooooooong way to go. Gambateh!!!