Irrepairable loose screw?

Sometimes movies just makes you realize some things. Maybe I am just taking things too personal but I think there are many consideration points highlighted by the movie and you just have to realize it and analyze it for yourself.

From the movie, "How To Be Single"

I've been thinking that the time we have to be single, is really the time we have to get good at being alone.

But, how good at being alone do we really want to be?

Isn't there a danger that you'll get so good at being single, so set in your ways that you'll miss out on the chance to be with somebody great?

Although I thought I have gotten over her, I find myself still using her as ruler to compare... I didn't even noticed this until I suddenly realize that I always quote her, still praising her eventhough I have already deducted her points. Why do I still think so much of you???

Why are you back again???

I think it has been well over a year that you had not cross my mind but I must have been drunk that I somehow referenced you when asked about how a highly scored girl would look for me. I didn't even flash it for more than 10 seconds and yet you are here now haunting my good night's sleep.

I wouldn't call it a nightmare but perhaps it is because of the unwantedness that it feels like a nightmare. You were not the main point of the dream but yet you were somehow the focus and caused my tachycardia to happen again. You were so attractive that I could not get my eyes off of you despite the fact that you told me that your guy was in the same building. No matter where I needed to go, you would be somewhere in the corner of my eye and I cannot resist to steal a look.

It was a strange setting but its got lots of high tech stuff which I was very interested in. For a techy, he must have died and went to tech heaven because there were so many cool and amazing stuff that could amaze for hours. Probably it was supposed to be a good dream but somehow you managed to turn it into a form of nightmare.

Despite a very apparent lack of sleep, I woke up almost breaking into a sweat in a room that felt as cold as winter with a steady breeze. I cannot explain why but you are like a spectre which I probably can never exorcise.

This song would probably sum up my emotions

鄭秀文 - 放不低 

是你故意欺騙　怪在我太過心軟
你的真話就　等於夢囈　與謊言
無奈你說得太自然　令我聽了也能熱暖
甜言蜜語　原來又一次食言
是你對我改變　你別說世界轉變
解釋得混亂　千絲萬段　太多糾纏
誰沒興緻守這諾言
但卻對我再全心詐騙
胡言亂語　任你講足半天
為何永遠放不低　為何錯愛這一位
但求仍然維繫　不惜一切　我為你執迷
為何永遠放不低　任情愛控制身體
任誰關心　仍未可把你代替
(是明知的　仍願將心意白費)

Truth indeed

Only those who had been forced to do so will well and truly understand this. If it was not pointed out to me, I might still not be able to see it until this day. The fact was bright as day but I had blinders (those used on horses to keep their focus) on and ignored all the signs plus other people. If not because of my nosy friends, I might still be on blinders.

Pixelated

Yay! I managed to win 2 tickets but I watched it alone. *Pats self on the back*

Hi All,

I am pleased to inform you that you have been selected as a winner for the Lowyat.NET Pixels contest. Please be at GSC 1 Utama at 7.30pm tomorrow to claim your pair (2) of movie passes.

In addition to these passes, you have also won special Pixel merchandise (to be determined at random) and it will be given to you along with your movie passes.

We will be there to hand tickets until 8.30pm, so please be on time.

If you cannot make it, feel free to send someone else instead. They will have to produce a copy of this email for verification, along with inform us on the day who's tickets they are collecting.

Regards,

Lowyat.NET

I just got a cup holder while I see others get shirts =( Maybe the staff saw that I am too fat... The standard gift given to everyone was a box of magnets. I had no idea why the heck but I soon found out =D

As usual biased towards Americans type of storyline. Had a good laugh but no one to share it with, maybe not so joyful after all. I suppose it's because I forgot to brush my teeth...

Things happen and this happens?

Or maybe I am just really fucked up?

Sucks to be an option and never a priority

This morning I read an article about a topic which I was introduced more than 10 years ago but never fully understood until I was really affected by it but not able to realize it still. It was with the help of an unlikely friend who was caring enough to act upon a news. This friend didn't need to spend time to reach out and pull me out of my darkness but I am glad my friend did it and I was able to stand up again although it still might cause a little unrest every time I think about those times.

Anyhows, all the main points touched upon were like hitting a nail squarely on its head. He said that when you are just an option:

• It hurts worse than anything
• It's the most embarrassing feeling in the world
• It makes you question your self worth
• Your future and your life have been completely altered, and it’s scary
• It makes you question your perception of the world, of life and of your personal reality
• It pisses you off and, in a way, motivates you
• It makes you realize you need to slow down, retrace your steps, regroup and redirect

It was like a revelation. All his writings echoed what was buried deep in me but strangely for me, I am not able to express it. In a way it was liberating that I was not alone. It is insanely ironic that I already know this since I was introduced to it more than 10 years ago LOL!

I feel that guys are sometimes poor souls that have to suffer in silence but have to put up a strong face each and every day. You know you have to stand up and move forward but it is like the signals to move never made it to your feet to move. You so want to move but unable to.

Sometimes you do things exactly the opposite of what your mind is telling you. Crazy as it sounds but what you want is to actually just get the response which you already know. Seriously, how dumb can you be???  Makes me wonder how many times do I have to tell myself to stop?

Maybe I'll start by putting some distance. Maybe I'll get another drink...

誰知道一想你, 思念苦無藥

Oldies are indeed goldies! I reminisced while this song was airing however the content is unfortunately another somewhat melancholic song. The lyrics hits it where it hurts most, the truth... Sudden memories might bring up something which you do not want to remember and all the feelings seem to rush back in :(

辛曉琪 - 味道

今天晚上的　星星很少　
不知道它們　跑那去了
赤裸裸的天空　
星星多寂寥

我以為傷心可以很少　
我以為我能　過得很好
誰知道一想你　
思念苦無藥　
無處可逃

想念你的笑　想念你的外套
想念你白色襪子　和你身上的味道
我想念你的吻　
和手指淡淡煙草味道　
記憶中曾被愛的味～道

今天晚上的　心事很少　
不知道這樣　算好不好
赤裸裸的寂寞　
朝著心頭繞

我以為傷心可以很少　
我以為我能　過得很好
誰知道一想你　
思念苦無藥　
無處可逃

想念你的笑　想念你的外套
想念你白色襪子　和你身上的味道
我想念你的吻　
和手指淡淡煙草味道　
記憶中曾被愛的味～道

At least I get to hear some songs which I am not too familiar with so that I can expand my knowledge instead of just sticking to singers whom I always listen to.

Can't catch a break in the cinemas

Today I wanted to use a discount coupon to go kill some time so just picked any lousy movie which matched my time and voila. The problem is some people take things for granted and do disgusting things in the dark.

The story goes that the movie was shown without subtitles which was effing great! When it was realized, they stopped the movie and inserted the subtitles part into the movie (so there is something like a srt file for cinemas too it seems). Anyways, it was a long break between the stopping of the movie and showing it again with the subtitles. The lights were turned on, lo and behold a couple who initially had a girl raised her legs to be put above the chair in front of them and then the guy followed. Thinking that it was their home or something, they both started to wriggle their toes. After a short time which made me seriously sick to my stomach, I can't let this one slide so I MUST SHAME THESE FUCKERS!!!

Knowing full well that I will be ILLEGALLY taking pictures in the cinema, I turned on the flash so that it will alert those motherfuckers and hopefully have them stop doing that disgusting act. I took a picture and unfortunately the pre-flash alerted them too early and the girl probably due to embarrassment tried to very quickly  retract her legs but fortunately for her, I could not capture her face else I would have uploaded it onto Facebook at that very moment in the cinema!

I really felt like going in front to take a picture of their faces!

I hope the fuckers in this picture will find this picture and be ashamed of your useless self. If I ever see such things again, I will definitely take pictures of your faces!

Damn.. missed out on a free RM499 phone!!!

Godammit, I forgot that I had entered a competition to get a chance to win a free phone. I only realized it when their page started to show their staff packing the phones to be delivered to other winners :(

To avoid spam, I decided to use a less used email address hence I did not know I got the notification that I had won T_T A case where being too careful does not pay off :(

First email notification:

You Guessed Right!

Congratulations on guessing the correct price of the Huawei Honor 3C!

The Huawei Honor 3C which is packed with features like 5MP front camera, Quadcore 1.3 GHz CPU & 5" HD LTPS screen is priced at only RM499!

We will email the redemption code for xxx.my to you soon, be the first 100 to redeem the code and you will get the Honor 3C from xxx.my for FREE. 

1. Be sure to register yourselves at http://www.xxx.my/ before 1st May (Thursday) 12 noon and link the account to your Facebook profile.
2. Head on to http://www.xxx.my/ at 3.08pm on 2nd May (Friday) to redeem the Honor 3C.
3. Only the first 100 to redeem using the code provided in the email will get the Honor 3C for FREE so BE FAST!

All the best and get ready to grab the new Honor 3C!

Reminder notification:

Dear “guess the price” user:

Congratulations that you guess the right Price for Honor 3C.  your Voucher Code is “HONOR3C2GRAM”, this code it bundling with this Email Address  which you fill in our “guess the price” contest

However we got more than 100 users guess the right price, so we will have a little competition called “first come first serve”, this voucher will activated at May 2^nd ,3:08PM, and invalid after 100 usage.

And

The event information as below:

1.       Time : May 2^nd , 3:08PM

2.       We will launch a banner on “www.xxx.my ”on that day

3.       The winner can buy the Honor 3C Free with input the Voucher code

4.       The voucher code will send to winners through Email which filled in “guess the price” contest.

5.       The winner need to finish the register and verify by May 1^st 10:00PM.

6.       For all verification purposes, xxx only recognizes the email you used in the “guess the price” contest

And most important preparation is to register and verify on xxx.my, deadline is May 1^st 10:00PM  :

a)       If you Login in xxx with your FB account to snap, specify your “guess the  price” contest used email  ID in the prompt shown by xxx (Refer below image A).

b)       Please verify whether you have specified the right email ID in your Account Information

 (

c)    if you login in xxx with xxx account to snap, please make sure the vmall account email address is same as the “guess the price” contest used email.  

d)       any other issues, please contact us @ 1800 – xxxxxx.   Or  Email us @ xxx.my@mail01.xxx.com through your contest used Email ID

Come to think of it, I was driving around that time so might not be able to do this anyways =_="

Some people think they understand BUT ...

if you were never in my shoe, I don't believe will come even close to what is really happening. Although there are very wise people around but they may know in general NEVER the exact, what's worse is that they THINK they know but in actual fact they don't and that makes things so very much worse.

It may be strange to announce that although a person may be surrounded by people BUT that person is actually very lonely. I think we can see this with celebrities sometimes, they are the supposed center of attention BUT it's probably not the kind of attention that they truly want/seek.

Do you understand???

Now that's a catch

I saw someone shared this and I think this will be anyone's catch of their life :)

I don't really like beer that much so I will just skip that and follow the rest of the instruction :p Now where does one find such a catch?

Too damned nosy

SIGH... It seems that every time I open my goddamn mouth, I get into trouble. I just had to ask a very stupid question which I knew the answer will fuck me up but I ended up asking it anyways. Now I feel like a goddamn retard not to mention with a mood so spoilt that even with my favourite football team winning did not cheer me up. A lingering sense of idiocy and flashback of unwanted things is fucking me up.

Seems that I have lost the interest to update here. I wanted very much to talk about my Australia vacation and also about my new job but I just don't feel like writing anymore. Maybe I should concentrate on those post to get my mind of whatever shit its occupied with now.

FAITH ...

Just the other day, heck its almost everyday now that this topic is being brought up at my workplace. I was *ahem* discussing about GOD with my colleagues with roughly the same arguments as below. I think the below can provide takeaway for both believers and non-believers, I will still remain "accountless" :p

Professor : You are a Christian, aren’t you, son ?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, you believe in GOD ?

Student : Absolutely, sir.

Professor : Is GOD good ?

Student : Sure.

Professor: Is GOD all powerful ?

Student : Yes.

Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student was silent.)

Professor: You can’t answer, can you ? Let’s start again, young fella. Is GOD good?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Is satan good ?

Student : No.

Professor: Where does satan come from ?

Student : From … GOD …

Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?

Student : Yes.

Professor: So who created evil ?

(Student did not answer.)

Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, who created them ?

(Student had no answer.)

Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?

Student : No, sir.

Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?

Student : No , sir.

Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?

Student : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.

Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student : Yes.

Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.

Professor: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Professor: Yes.

Student : And is there such a thing as cold?

Professor: Yes.

Student : No, sir. There isn’t.

(The lecture theater became very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)

Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?

Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, well you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?

Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man ?

Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Professor: Flawed ? Can you explain how?

Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.

Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Professor: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)

Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class was in uproar.)

Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?

(The class broke out into laughter. )

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.

Student : That is it sir … Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.

P.S.

I believe you have enjoyed the conversation. And if so, you’ll probably want your friends / colleagues to enjoy the same, won’t you?

Forward this to increase their knowledge … or FAITH.

My arguments :


1) There is a real scenario whereby Darwin's so called theory was witnessed in a person's lifetime. Perhaps there are more but we are not looking correctly or you need many many lifetime to prove this change.
2) If GOD is so great then why are there so many version of HIM/HER/IT? To create confusion, to test your FAITH? OK you win.
3) The dumbest thing in my mind about GOD is that he created evil, bad things, suffering etc. Why the fuck would this GREAT GOD create those things??? HE/SHE/IT must be so full HIMSELF/HERSELF/ITSELF that you MUST believe in HIM/HER/IT that if you are able to overcome such adversities, you will be able to enter Heaven.
4) There are numerous ways to clear ones' sins, the easiest of which is to just to believe. The other just requires a little more money and you are purged of your sins as well just by repeating what a prophet did many decades ago. Another is to meditate and/or follow some rituals which will enlighten you and thus allow you to be promoted into Heaven. ALL puns intended.
5) HEAVEN, or HELL for that matter must be so full of occupants that both will reject new residents, exception to this would be religions that have continuum ie one will be reborn. The downside to this is that why are there more and more humans? Of course the counter argument that I can think of would be that we have destroyed sp many other lifeforms and thus they are becoming us to take revenge? Perhaps I have not been taking into account of plankton of which their numbers have yet to be or should I say cannot be estimated, so the balance of how many lives that are maintained is still intact ... hmm ...


I am not really "attacking" any religion per say but at the same time I am actually taking a swipe at major religions altogether. I think I better stop here so I can get my sleep

Oro and de gozaru

Non Rurouni Kenshin fans you can stop reading now.

I have been waiting since August trying to see if I can watch this in a cinema but no such luck. So the next best thing would be to wait for the DVD release which got ripped and uploaded early January. I somehow just suddenly remember about it and search for it and was totally glad that its available. Because the show is in Japanese and some translations are really totally dependent on the translator's choice of words of sentence construction, I think I might need to watch this a couple of times with different subtitles :p

For those who have not watched the movie, you should stop reading here because I am going to praise and criticize based on my opinion, there will DEFINITELY be spoilers ...

As I was extremely eager to watch this, I can only try to draw comparison with my recollection of the anime and to try to enjoy it. It started off not too bad but for those who don't know the story at all might have the same questions as I did. From beginning till end, it was never properly explained why Kaoru's martial arts discipline was "attacked" by the so called "Battousai". To me it can only be deduced that it is a ploy by Kanryuu's men to try to get dojo land on the cheap.

In the interest of time, the story of how the characters got along was cut short BUT they had the time to re-visit how Kenshin got the cross scars =X IMHO that in itself are the OVAs, a short movie would have made more money :p

Why the heck is the priest in this movie??? If the priest is in this movie then Sano will most likely not get better and will just remain as a lame street fighter. I can only imagine that the second movie must have the fist fight with Saitoh just to push him over the edge a little to understand that he must get better especially with defense. As a member of the Sekihotai, its a joke that he got along so well with Kenshin without being awaken his complete defeat to Kenshin. Sigh ... For those who don't notice or know what the Chinese/Japanese character that he wears on his back, 惡 which means evil.


If the masked guy is Aoshi ... then I am utterly and bitterly disappointed. He was like so damn lame ... Almost made to look like a fool. He is another character who is supposed to push Kenshin off his limit to return to his Battousai nature but he got shrugged off like a better than average fighter zzz

How the fuck does holding a katana in am abnormal style (katana is facing downwards) makes him seem to be more serious??? Although by doing so, he does gets to hit back at his opponent. Its a harder stance to attack because the blade runs parallel to the arm and this means that you have to get close to the opponent which often times means its more dangerous. This was shown a few times in the movie but to me it really does not make much sense to me. I think in the anime, he will assume his Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu stance when he really wants to get serious.

Saito is normally introduced as "Shinsen Gumi Sanban Taicho, Saito Hajime" (Shinsen Gumi Third Division Captain/Leader, Saitoh Hajime) but in the movie, the guy who said this was cut down right with just 1 swing not long after finishing that intro. His Gatotsu was not even done justice ... shown without any description. Ayam disappoint. Saito in the movie looks fat ... =_= though he does his best to impersonate the cool character.

The movie did not end with an indicator that there will be a sequel ie to go after Shishio Makoto. Since they have cut out so much story, I think there can be only a few movies. They tried to squeeze too much into 1 movie and although most of the storyline stayed true but it just begs to differ a little too much for my taste. I thought I would jizz watching it but the wave was just not enough to send me over :p

I'm not sure if you guys noticed but the katana used by Kenshin is slightly more curved at the hilt. That left me a with a big query. Why is it like that??? Was it caused by the many bodies it cut through? Was his strength so powerful that it was curved from too much use? @_@

Restoring and Jailbreaking my Ipad

Woke up in the morning to find that my Ipad is not accessible anymore because someone tried the password too many times. Doesn't matter who it is, the Ipad is locked and even when I did what it showed ie "Ipad is locked, connect to iTunes to unlock" it cannot be unlocked. So I had to do what I put off for quite some time already ie to upgrade. My Ipad was stuck in iOS 3+ since the day I got it.

Thankfully Google was a lot of help and I took my few minutes course but got too excited and made a mess. Could not find Installous (duh, the must have if you jailbreak) and again found the solution but overdid it. Added too many sources and slowed the damn thing down and every other thing which I wanted to install would require Installous to be removed =_=|||

In the end I could not take it anymore and re-did the everything, restore and upgrade. Thank goodness that I have a fast Internet connection else I would be stuck at the download firmware page for hours. Restore and upgrade was a pain but not something that is too different from flashing in Android. Lots of reboot and updating so you just have to wait it out.

Once the waiting is all over, I rebooted it once more just in case before I do the jailbreak using absinthe. This part was the easiest (the app only have 1 button to press) BUT you guessed it, more reboot and updating =_= You would think that after so many rounds of reboot, the bloody thing would be satisfied but you are in for a shock =D Cydia on first launch also requires reboot.

Learning from my earlier mistakes, I just added a couple of sources which I remember having before I encountered any issues. So before Installous is even on my mind, I needed to upgrade a couple of the apps which came with the jailbreak and you must be familiar with what is required by now ... After you installed Installous, you get to reboot some more =D

Thank heavens that you don't need to reboot the damn thing some more when installing games. But now I have to find back what I had before and try to get it all back. The hindsight of that issue was that I got someone to do the jailbreak for me before and did not bother to get to know what my friend helped to install. One thing I noticed in iOS 5.1.1 is that my Ipad is using up the juice quite fast, hmm why is this feeling so familiar?

There are a few sources now which offers Installous but I think its best to get it from the original source (of course its more lessons from the earlier experience). So I would just recommend a couple of things to you if you are new to jailbreak (which I doubt very much) :

Sources :
http://cydia.hackulo.us
http://sinfuliphonerepo.com

Cydia tweaks/apps :
Installous (DUH!)
SBSettings (you will get Activator once you choose to install this)
Barrel
Fake Carrier

Since I am more of the n00b here, please do recommend more useful stuff :)

How many days are there in 1 week?

Based on my education and understanding of how a calender works, its 7 days. What about your's? Is your week different from mine? Do you have more or less???

Perhaps one would argue that a working week is 5 days or 5.5 days, heck many are now going 7 days a week as well.

Perhaps another one would argue that his/her leave would coincide with a public holiday so his/her 1 week is actually longer as well.

So I guess it should work the same way as well you say that you will be planning 1 week of activities which consists of 8 days and oh since there will be a public holiday, let's make that another +2 days. OK, so other people's 1 week have more days than mine and my understanding of 1 week is totally fucked up. Well, fuck my plans and enjoy your week.

How would you feel when you get the short end of the stick? So the next time when I say a week, its gonna be however the hell many days that I plan it to be. I don't give shit about your useless calender which always says that its got 7 days in it.

I always say the "right" things at the "wrong" time

I used to be a quiet person. I don't talk much because I don't have much to say particularly to the people whom I don't know. But if I am close to someone I might be a little more chatty but therein lies the problem. I almost always speak my mind so that means I am shooting so damn straight that people who don't know me might think that I am crazy to utter some things.

I am not sure how you are brought up but I have been constantly reminded that I am not supposed to lie. I had the shock of my life when I went to college. YOU CAN'T FUCKING SURVIVE IF YOU DON'T FUCKING LIE!!! I get to meet so many interesting and bad characters that I realize that I have tomust lie.

However, sometimes I unknowingly let slip what flashed across my mind and it normally lands me in a pile of shit so high that its over my head. Can't say that I don't really deserve it. To be honest, I was really telling the goddamned truth BUT nobody likes the truth. I hate myself for not being able to control myself BUT I will hate myself more if I kept it in too much.

Sigh, its sad that sometimes I will turn my friends away because its perhaps not what they want to hear and the stupid me just reminded them of their grief or wrongdoings. I do hope my close friends understand me enough to know that I am me and for me, I believe that the truth is better than lies especially among friends. Of course they are entitled their own fantasy bubble that should not be burst by my unfortunate knowing of their truth. For this I apologize for all the wrong or uncomfortableness that I may have caused.

I really must shut the fuck up more before I lose more friends. Too bad I really just can't help it if I see something wrong and let rip. Also, some people when talking about some secretive stuff they tend to be a tad too loud and I would overhear and then butt in :p So here's news for you, whisper even softer when talking about secret stuff because some people's hearing are better than others and will pick up what you say =D

Still dreaming

I have been on anti inflammatory (to suppress pain and also to reduce swelling for my ankle) for almost a week and the night pill is drowsy. I was really hoping that it would KO me until morning and it did a pretty good job but while sleeping, dreams would invade my slumber and sometimes cause uneasiness. Since a young age, I believe I have a mild form of insomnia and I have learned to cope with it with a going-to-sleep technique. I would imagine a sky filled with stars, almost similar to what you would see if you are going to pass out. Well at least that is the last thing I remember before I find myself waking up in the morning.

I don't really what is in my mind that might cause my dreams because its definitely not about work. About other things, I have tried very much to not think too much. What I'm really thinking is when I am going to visit my friend in a far away country with my son. My initial plan was to go somewhere end May but then I realized that its actually winter there ... Even when its not winter its cold, so I don't think it would be a good idea and a colleague of mine was there during winter and she said that there is a possibility that some places might not be open due to the weather. September holidays is not that long but he can't skip classes because this year he is having some exams during that time. Sigh ...

Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
When the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone up there will find me
'til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up when everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone up there will find me
'til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, aaah-ah
Ah-ah, ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
When the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone up there will find me
'til then I walk alone...

Twisted

On weekends which I am alone, I would be so lonely. So last weekend I went out with my friends for a movie. In my opinion, it was a great movie. Hotel Transylvania, very recommended because I laughed for almost the whole movie.

While leaving the cinema, I did not really pay attention to the steps and twisted my right ankle. With that, I was bedridden for a couple of days. I really couldn't walk much because it was really painful so I tried to restrict my movements to go to the toilet only. The rest of the time I would just watch some movie or drama. I even rewatched an old movie which I don't think I will get bored of.

My time in bed also left me time to ponder on some questions which were posed to me but I chose to ignore or shy away from. I guess some of the advices which I did not take before were really good because when I am calm like this and have time to think about it, its really true. So I will be taking more advices into consideration and of course will listen better.

On top of that, an old question came back into my mind. Actually this was also asked by a friend. Perhaps I was not so calm when I initially considered about this query but now that I am trapped in bed, I am thinking of reconsidering this matter. There is more than myself to be considered and some of the things when I think back really scares me and I really dislike it. Would things really be different this time around? I think the only way to find out is to try it but to do so, its really not simple and it will definitely need a lot of change again. 

What cannot be expressed comes out as a deep long sigh

That was a line in a song which I recently came to know and like. To some extent, I believe everyone would have the same feeling or action. For me, a sigh is like a signature probably because there is always something in my mind which I cannot express to others. Perhaps I am just being overly careful with what I know/feel vs what I should say. That being said, I am someone who will speak my mind, LOL complete irony...

A couple of weeks ago, a colleague announced that she just split from someone whom she was supposed to marry at the end of this year. Many of her friends were surprised but all were supportive of her. Her question was, "Should I still remain friends with him or not?". The crowd was split and my advice to her was that it really depends on whether she wants to maintain a relationship. Based on her own answers to her friends, it was obvious that she wanted to remain as friends BUT as a guy, I know that there will always be a flicker of flame and may want to harbour a small minute possibility. If it has been made clear then it really depends on the other person on how they want to think.

Another colleague of mine told her to totally cut ties with him. Her reasoning was simple, to avoid complications of what I just said above. Depending on your character, this may or may not be the best solution. To me, if I know this person well enough, I will know how they think and depending on that, the correct decision will be obvious.

Just a couple of days ago, my friends also asked me the same question. The above 2 scenarios are both correct in their own ways. A part of me does not want to but the other part is directly the opposite. So the decision that I made is based on what I currently can or cannot do. Since I know what I must overcome will take time, the best solution is to be far away BUT I cannot do that as I have a responsibility here. Else I would have left a couple of years ago. So I am neither here nor there but let go I must and allow time to erode whatever that is left.

Am I lying to myself again? Perhaps with the answer which I had sought for so long is now known, I can really let it go but time is required to dilute and wash away what is not to be. However, some things are so deeply etched into me that I can never forget even with time. It pains me very much each time that we are close again but you are actually so far away. SIGH ...

There you have it folks, I have made sighing my signature. I sigh to let off the pressure that have accumulated in a troubled me.