Is it written in the stars?

Ironic to think back that there were many many tell tale signs of what is to be. Despite it supposedly being carved into your palm, you choose to deny or ignore that which cannot be changed.

I was told many years ago that relationship will not be a fruitful one by an old palmist. When i asked about how many children i was going to have, he was VERY reluctant to reveal. To me i was just thinking that he is giving me a free reading what can i expect? I can't be asking for my whole life's journey be told without paying right?

I have given her many gifts, some of which are 'supposedly' unbreakable but they broke o_O. So could these be signs of what was to be? One can only argue that you will find what you want to find if you seek it.

An earlier break up when the relationship started revealed how different 2 people look at a relationship. Relationship however is a 2-way thing, so work have to be put into so that things will move. I learned that and worked hard to improve and took a lot of heat from many parties on what should or should not be happening. I believe that everyone have their own ways of doing things, so i took comments and try to improve on what im 'supposed' to be bad at. Perhaps at the tail end, the 2 of us seem to be more of a 1-way street laid next to each other portraying a 2-way street.

Maybe chemicals messed up our brain and clouded our judgement to be together and stay stuck together for whatever reasons. And now that have run out, so have the reasons to be staying together. Its an outcome which saddens the people who tried to microscope and dissect and treat. Perhaps what is to be is to be and its really written in the stars or carved into one's palm, there is no escaping what that had been set.

They say that ..................... (continued)

when you are lonely, your mind will play tricks on you. Perhaps its not playing tricks, when you are awake, your brain is supposed to do something. If you have nothing for it to do then it starts to have fun and gives you images/thoughts of perhaps some unworldly things.

there is no second chance in life. I wonder why the heck there are so many prisoners then? Just have them all dead for the wrongdoings no matter the offense was heavy or light. IMHO if a person really wants to try to correct what he/she have done, at least listen to whether the person genuinely have the intention to do so.

one should look before one leaps. 'Look' can be done from several angles, if you only have your own views then there will never be wrong according to your own set of rules/view. 'Leaps' should only be done when the 'look' is firm and correct/acceptable.

some decisions in life will come back and haunt you. Nobody is perfect, so of course there will be wrongdoings. I have had many many decisions come back and haunt me, some are genuinely my fault so i accept them. Some which are more serious, perhaps are done with consideration of several factors/people. Despite a good intention, the outcome may not turn out to be as expected hence the haunting.

things will never be same again. I believe this depends VERY much on your amount of experience. If you have seen much of the world then there is nothing much to surprise you with.

men should not cry. I believe there was a medical article which said about your eyes requiring some washing from time to time and tears are natural washers.

good people die younger/faster OR good deeds are repaid with bad consequences. So i really find this to be true as there have been many good people who are now gone from this world. Its not to say that bad people will have eternal life but im just saying that maybe we should re-look at life and not being such a good person after all.

钱不是万能, 但没有钱是万万不能. For those who don't understand, "Money cannot solve everything BUT without money, everything cannot be solved". Ironic but very true, many may deny the fact BUT the fact of the matter is, everything revolves around money.

Yet another missed song

Heh, old songs that i used to love are now telling my stories.

知道你不是真的爱我 by 动力火车

从你渐渐地沉默发现你想要离开我
慢慢消失的温柔谁能够承受
为你伤悲为你泪流日子不好过又如何
还有什么可以保留什么都没有
喔~~知道你不是真的爱我
喔~~最爱的时后你却要走
多苦我都会承受最怕你什么都不说
几个伤口几次痛谁付出较多
为你伤悲为你泪流日子不好过又如何
还有什么可以保留什么都没有
喔~~知道你不是真的爱我
喔~~最爱的时候你却要走
喔~~知道你不会永远爱我
喔~~我来的时候你已远走
怪我自己纵容你太自由
爱情里失守却不能多说
对我来说这结果太刺痛
你真的要走我还能说什么

Anybody remembers Mr Neo?

For those who studied in SMKBTR would know him especially the Science stream classes as he taught us Additional Mathematics. Known to be quite a strict man, he is like any good teacher trying to do his best to get the best out of us.

I bumped into him taking the LRT last Thursday. He was bringing his daughter to the government dentist just opposite my office. Using his benefits as an ex-government servant very well :)

He asked me which batch i was from as he has been a teacher for so many years. I told him and also naming a few of my friends who were more popular and smart to spur on his memory.

After knowing which year i finished school at BTR, he told me that he moved on to Sentul to become headmaster there the next year. He just retired 3 years ago, meaning to say he was headmaster for 5 years.

Our conversations were few and far in between literally speaking as we were seperated by other commuters. We both alighted at BTR station and now he drives a SLK (small little kancil) which is an upgrade to his very old Honda kap.

He still looks very much like he was when he was teaching us 10 years ago. His hair neatly combed with his grey hair here and there. Put on a little weight IMO but again like i said, he still looks very much like in the old days.

My first ever HDD died T_T

I remember i bought my 20GB HDD at either PC Fair or MicroFest where i went along with my friends hunting for cheap CDRs to burn games or animes. I used my CNY angpau money which totalled about Rm200+. Because my PC died for quite some time so i took out my this HDD so i could use my those external IDE connector to access it via my office laptop, BUT sadly it died on me when i wanted to copy some songs which i wanted to listen to in office, the dreaded "tak tak tak" sound was heard and my Mp3 folder was empty. In this HDD there are more than 10GB of my favourite songs, my entire song collection, mixture of English, Chinese, Japanese, Malay and other languages songs. If anyone every copied any songs from me, now is the time i wish they liked my collection and still have it with them so that i can copy back what i have lost.

The song which i wanted to hear most now can only be streamed which is not a good thing as the admins in my office now are trying to keep tabs on which IP is utilizing high bandwidth so streaming is bad. The song is called 分手吧 by 张震岳.

写一封没有地址的信
想寄到你的心里
告诉你渐渐变淡的爱
你是否曾经注意
过去的美丽日子已经不再
我还在傻傻地找寻
也许你想要说但说不出口
我知道你想说
分手吧 我们分手吧
不要在骗我说你还爱著我
你我的梦
彼此的不同
就算是当作一时糊涂爱错
分手吧 我们分手吧
不要在骗我说你还爱著我
你我的梦
彼此的不同
就算是当作一时糊涂爱错
分手吧

写一封没有地址的信
想寄到你的心里
告诉你渐渐变淡的爱
你是否曾经注意
过去的美丽日子已经不再
我还在傻傻地找寻
也许你想要说但说不出口
我知道你想说
分手吧 我们分手吧
不要在骗我说你还爱著我
你我的梦
彼此的不同
就算是当作一时糊涂爱错
分手吧 我们分手吧
不要在骗我说你还爱著我
你我的梦
彼此的不同
就算是当作一时糊涂爱错
分手吧

分手吧 我们分手吧
不要在骗我说你还爱著我
你我的梦
彼此的不同
就算是当作一时糊涂爱错
分手吧 我们分手吧
不要在骗我说你还爱著我
你我的梦
彼此的不同
就算是当作一时糊涂爱错
分手吧

>90% of the words used in this song describes how im feeling now.

T_T *Tears rolls down my cheeks*

Alone since 23/8/2008

To the outside world, the unthinkable had happened. For the people involved, perhaps you can call it that the volcano finally erupted. The tension and patience could not be held back anymore and therefore had to be released. Accumulation of problems on top of each other which could not be resolved resulted in this incident. Every effort which can be thought of by me have been tried to be done but sadly to no avail.

Yes, everyone would agree that its a great pity and waste to throw in the towels after so much effort have been put into it. Everybody would love to help but let me ask you, how do you want to help if you do not know what is the problem? Even if you know the problem, there must be co-operation from the people involved to try to resolve it.

Who is the selfish one i have not a scale to measure against. What is left now is a big headache as to how to make others understand that like many things in this world, what is seen is not the real thing.

Though i do not sleep as late as i used to 12+, but i wake up every morning, feeling that i have not had a proper rest. This could be due to several causes. Im having dreams almost throughout the night, good and bad ones. I don't get much dreams before this which is good as your brain do not need to generate those images and keep on working when you are supposed to get rest. When i do wake up, i check on my son, making sure he is not too out of position from his sleeping area on the bed, try to pull covers over him so that he won't get cold. He is not afraid of the cold as he is a 'hot' type of person, even in airconditioned rooms he would reject being covered with blankets.

My panda eyes are so aparent, it reminds me of looking at an old friend of mine when we were in school, his eye bags were always there and dark, wanna take a guess? Not only that, my mind is blank despite looking like im troubled by deep thoughts.

2 paragraphs of the chorus from Nobody Knows by The Tony Rich Project

I pretended I'm glad you went away
These four walls closin' more every day
And I'm dying inside
And nobody knows it but me
Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
And I'm crying inside
And nobody knows it but me

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' about
The love that we had
And I'm missin' you
And nobody knows it but me