Confirmation - Important/Necessary?

In life there are many things you would like to be definite, 100% sure. For the things you are unsure, not 100% sure, you will if possible try to ensure that its as close to 100% as possible. Of course the debate may spin off to say that even when confirmed, there is still a chance of it not happening the way you expect it to be. Hence, here lies the dilemma, to 100% confirm but still there is a chance of it not happening.

Perhaps its more apparent in those cases which are not 100% confirm. I am 99.999% sure that tomorrow will come and the sun will still rise from the east to set around 12 hours later in the west. Where is the 0.001%? Catastrophes or unpredictable events may happen which may be beyond our control/comprehension/knowledge.

A gathering with a list of confirmed attendees who are supposed to meet on a specified time and date. The events in the days leading to that date may influence this confirmation, it is not until the very moment of the gathering that you know who will really show up as per confirmation. I have seen many cases of FFK and/or cancellation of gatherings when a supposed confirmed list of attendees are supposed to show up. In more extreme cases, it was called off just before it was supposed to start.

The human mind is superb at imagination, working out scenarios based on logics (sometimes even illogical) of what an outcome may be. So if you know a person so much so that what he/she may do next is predictable, are you 100% sure that that is how something will happen? If you are sure, do you want to see it for yourself to confirm your prediction? Being the curious me, i am one of those who would be very interested to see confirm my prediction. If the outcome is not as per predicted, what led it away from prediction?

Recently an old (in my mind, unresolved) issue resurfaced, knowing how a person thinks helps you guess what may happen but you are not 100% sure if that is what is going to happen. So what does a curious person have to do to find out? You have to open Pandora's box to get at the secret, wait for the predicted to happen or somehow influence it to happen, whether what has been predicted will happen as per prediction is to be confirmed.

If what you have predicted is 99% bad in almost all the scenarios, would you still want to find out? Is it the fear of what is predicted making me sleepless or the curiosity to know what is the real outcome? Will i be able to sleep better after exorcising this ghost? All is yet to be seen/revealed/resolved when it happens. As per my explanation to a friend with regards to my this issue, i used an analogy, "If you are 99% sure that by hitting your head with a piece of wood would hurt, would you want to hurt yourself to prove that 1% wrong?"

Apologetic note :

In my quest for confirmation, im sure that i have grilled more than 2 friends for answers on what happened leading to their breakup. Im sure it must have hurt them a great deal more to having answer me and reminding them of what they would want to put behind them. I sincerely apologize for my rude/inconsiderate behaviour which may have caused them further unhappiness.

The 1 year that made me a bad statistics

Im known to have bad memory, especially with dates. Facebook now helps me with birthdays, my mobile phone with all my contacts, a list on my office table for IOUs (list of work to be completed), my Lotus Notes Calender for accepted meetings and etc.

Some dates however are etched into my brain, A's birthday, J's birthday and her house phone number, J's (another one) birthday and even how to get to her old house which i went a couple of times almost 10 years ago, C's birthday. Sorry to my guy friends though, i don't remember 90% of you guys not that you guys are not important to me but somehow it just refused to be saved into my memory. However, many fond memories are always playing in my mind where there is a trigger.

We tend to want to put bad things past us and not remember it but this is something which i really want to erase from my mind if its even possible. Sadly though, this date was unwillingly etched into my mind. Thought most of the day i was occupied with packing up things from the old house to move to the new, my mind cannot seem to want to shut out what i do not want to think. In fact, i did not get much sleep, though i could fall asleep but i would be suddenly awaken though i cannot keep my eyes open. It never got out of my system even now at the time of writing this.

I cannot remember the things i want to remember and instead my mind is filled up with unwanted ones. From part time frown degraded to full time frown and not being able to smile properly. Expecting more bad news soon but its already expected so there will be expected reaction from myself.

Number 19

Another wishlist item is crossed out. Though its just a 95% success, i think i can't bring it any further as we have already moved in. Finally after so many years and around 500k in total (from everyone), we got our own house. With everyone scrapping the bottom of all their available savings, we got it done.

Since everyone is practically broke, we have to make due with what we have. After so many years cropped up in a little house filled with so many stuff up to our necks. We all have to be contented to have some extra flexing space but with no furniture. "Beggars can't be choosers".

Even after emptying my supposed future funds ie giving up the best interest rate in the country, i don't think the house will be complete as we have wanted it to be. Tough choices will have to be made and even more sacrifices to try to complete the dream move.

Project cost overruns are hard to curb, many unforeseen issues will arise and slaps you in the face leaving you almost scared stupid especially for those who are inexperienced. The budget was 100k but final bill is more than 120k, if not for a last ditch effort, i don't really see where 20k would magically appear to settle the issue.

I got to admit, i really don't know how some people can stand to move houses so many times. I was fucking exhausted. Basically i moved my own stuff only, not even touching the living room things @_@ My motor functions were next to useless as i could not lift my arms beyond my head, i can't clinch my fist, i had to drag my feet up the steps.

When you are just about to give praise to a service, they go back to being not worthy of being praised. On the same day (about 2 hours) that i applied for a new land line, the contractor who is supposed to do the job called saying that he wants to go and do it, i got the shock of my life from this super fast efficiency. Sadly though, the internet service was utterly disappointing but hell what else is new? I think i'll just retract the praise that i gave them a few days back.

Im still adjusting to life here but deep down, im glad this is finally done after so many years of wait. It would have taken MUCH longer if not for the separation. We all sacrificed something for a bigger picture, a gain that would benefit most BUT at the expense of those who must be sacrificed and someone who is yet to understand.

Note : Special thanks to my cousin, WJ and my friend, Ian for helping us in the move on 15/8/2009. Hontonyi arigato!

RM28

Some people love their date, some people dread their date. Usually the younger and older ones would be those who love it and those in the middle don't really want to see it coming. Me? I feel like its just another day, could be happy or could be sad. I think both happened at the same time.

Not really possible right? Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps its a matter of perception or even mathematically for what im about to explain.

Just like the previous years, this day will be spent with my family. My definition of family is all of my closest kin. However, this year ... it would be 1 person less BUT then again 2 extra person. Mathematically this is a gain, no? True ... but 2 does not make a 1. Then again, further thoughts will show that 1 wants to be 1. Confused? Perhaps only for those who don't know but that is not relevant in this topic.

I was without internet for 4 days and finally when i am able to get online again in the office, i found 28 wishes on my Facebook and at the end of the day i received 13 SMS wishes from 14 senders (LOL, mathematically impossible again :p ). In the 13 SMS-es, 1 is from a job agency and another which i later found out was from an insurance agent who seems determined to get me to sign up with her policy.

4 paragraphs and what the heck does it have to do with the title of the post? That was the amount of money i had in my wallet on my day. When the bill came for the family dinner, the waiter politely declines my Amex as they do not accept cards (DANG!!!), red-faced me (due to the beers as well :p ) had to be bailed out by my sister who took the full payment of more than 3 RM50 notes worth. Way to go, old man...

p/s : I love using auspicious numbers, that is why this is backdated.

A letter from 1994

Im packing up my things to move over to my new house and in the process of doing that, i am throwing away many things. Many fond memories came back =) Flashbacks when looking at the items. Fun and games of all sorts were found tucked away in a drawer here and a cabinet there. Games like bottle caps, eraser overlapping, small cartoon cards (where we used our hands to try to flip over), my old toys like a motorcyle and dune buggy from MASK, transformable plane, stickers of all sorts, "sim" (Canto) card ie flashy cards (actually stickers as well) of Dragonball and HK Idols, presents from old friends, cards from old friends, unused greeting cards, McDota Fried Chicken vouchers (don't ask me where i got it from @_@|||), my phone card collections, my sports trophies (just 2 only wor =( ), coinboxes, several pencil boxes (those with magnets and can open both sides).

All the things at my age then were very treasured. Coming from a not so well off family, many things were second hand or throwaways by other people. So those which were bought either by my parents or angpau money are even more treasured. Speaking of which i have not found several of my most prized possessions :( A Matchbox Porsche and a yellow photo album containing some of my most treasured pictures (no need to guess, girls included and no, im not telling who they are :p ).

A lot of mixed emotions when i had to decide what to keep and what to throw away. Due to wear and tear and of course the erosion of time, with a heavy heart i junked many things. I suppose this is what you have to do when you move or clean up, some of the things are more than 10 years old (refer below on some) and maybe its because they were truly special that i kept them, i know i have another box containing more special stuff but like the Porsche and the album, they must be together as they are more special to me.

Although all were from 1 person (yes a girl) but it does not mean i have anything for her, its the special attention and handywork which led me to want to keep them for so long i suppose. I seriously don't remember if i did reply the letter. Thanks Jess, you made me smile from ear to ear when i found these again. I think i will still keep these, there are more actually but some were so cleverly made that it can't be scanned ...

One of the best greeting cards i have EVER received
I don't remember doing well in studies at all >_< Page 1 of the letter from 1994, ^take note of the date written. "I am truly honored to be a recipient of your letter"
Page of the letter from 1994. "You, my friend is certainly NOT low class"

I got U ^_^

Hehehe not a new gf YET, but rather i got a rather nice number thanks to my sis ^_^ A 018 number which i would most likely not maintain with U Mobile of course :p Though not the special number i had in mind but i got something which is not too shabby either :D

The number is 018-xyy mmdd where mm = my birth month and dd = my birth date ^_^ What's more shocking is that all the below costs just RM10!

Can you believe all this for RM10?

The simpack + Reload card worth RM10!
2 mobile phone screen cleaner
2 vouchers to Sushi King worth RM10! Those type of pen i got tonnes lar =_=
A cap too, but i got loads of caps already ...

Hmmm let's see, the simpack supposed to cost RM6, reload card Rm10, Sushi King voucher RM5*2, a pen and a cap. Woot! Paid RM10 and got more than RM26 worth of stuff :D Not bad at all IMHO

A card from $witz€r£and

Zbjernak told me that he would send me a card, expected that it would be related to my birthday. To my surprise, the card reached MUCH faster than one would expect mail to be delivered within the country :p Sorry lar but Pos Malaysia really do suck big time!

My mom put this red card on my PC table and i was not really happy to find that it was folded :( Being the money capital of the world (some sort), all the money signs were not really that surprising until you read the finer print :p Click to enlarge the pics below :)

The folded card from $witz€r£and :(

Birthday wish from my dear friend

Thank you my dear friend, always thoughtful despite the massive distance.

My spirited experience

I remember the last time i tried to go into this place, it was already jam packed :( So we had to settle for Laundry then The Apartment. This time, Andy SMS me inviting me to an event whereby there will be free drinks. He claims that i was the "thirstiest" hence i was the first person he thought of to invite. On normal occassions, being on a Thursday night and all, it would be 90% or more that i will decline the offer (yes, even if its free!).

Since we went right after work and not wanting to be too early, we went for dinner and it was magnificent and we were stuffed. Not a good idea seeing that we will be downing booze fast and hard soon :p Unfortunately after a slow (we are trying to kill time) dinner, it was still early so we went for some window shopping, seeing that my paycheck is already spent to pay bills and debts so i could not get what seemed to be a very interesting and educational item :(

We decided to enter Sanctuary eventhough the event coordinator have not arrived yet to get us a table. After registration we got some vouchers for free drinks and we were on our way to start the night :D Lychee water with a vodka spiked jelly was the first drink and it was quickly emptied seeing that we were thirsty XD Next up a mug of Heineken, usually wouldn't be on my mind since my last encounter left a very bitter taste. This mug was much better and still waiting for the coordinator we had to slow down a little.

Finally after around 30 minutes of loitering around, we got a place and the spirit of the night would be 2 bottles of vodka. To my surprise, it was tasteless and one would not know that there was vodka in the mixer. I always thought vodka would be very "burning" since it is used by Russians to keep warm in the winter. Not knowing how much was in my drink i did not try to down it unnecessarily or too fast. After a couple of rounds, we decided to pay a visit to the Ice Bar where more of our vouchers would be handy.

The bartender filling up our shots of vodka.

The "shelf" full of drinks

On first entry, it was a little like Genting but later on, we were all starting to shiver (while waiting for our shots being prepared). We took pictures here and there, enjoying the welcome cold room on a hot night. When our shots were ready, the extent of the cold got a grip on us as all of our hands were shivering while trying to hold the test tube shots up for a cheers. Ok, non-mixed vodka should be different from mixed drinks, i thought. Cheers and down it went, but FUCK! its not even felt by my tonger or throat, almost like water. Im beginning to doubt that this stuff is really useful for cold weather. Another shot was downed and i had to go visit the loo. My glasses were immediately covered with vapour due to the big difference in temperature, it was still unuseable after i emptied my bladder and made my way back to our table.

A few more rounds of mixed vodka then the event of the night, "The Last Man Standing" competition in the Ice Bar. Andy registered himself when i went to the loo. 13 people entered the Ice Bar, 3 of them girls! Surprisingly the first person who left was a guy! To make things more interesting and hasten the competition, the DJ made up a new rule that the guys in the Ice Bar are to be shirtless (Woot!). Luckily for me, i did not register else my i would have to reveal all my ugly fats :p All the guys in there had shaped body (ie workout in gyms etc). The DJ kept on emphasizing that there were naked guys in the Ice Bar XD A few more guys gave up before the girls finally gave up. My friend made it to the last 4 or so before he could not take it anymore.

By that time i was already almost 12.30am, never thought my eyes would stay awake this late as i usually go to bed by 10.30pm or so. Reached home at around 1.15am after collecting my car from the LRT parking. Rested for a while before i tried to get some shut eyes. Twist and turn, not really feeling too hot from all the drinks but i just could not get any rest. Before i knew it, my alarm set at 7am was ringing already. Upsidaisy and off i went to work without much sleep. I think my no rest is etched on my forehead or something as everyone i met said that i look like crap, heck i was feeling like crap. All i can feel are the spirits running through my body and keeping me up. Had my breakfast coffee and 2 more cups in a meeting to keep me awake.

A couple of friends noticed my strange IM status (did not sleep and fuelled by spirits) and asked me if i were possesssed XD R treated me to more coffee and 1 more meeting made up my day of fuelled by spirits. When it was time for sleep, i felt the crappiest ever, even harder than my saddest days nearly a year ago =_=" I must have forgotten my experience at the end of last year where drinking was almost a weekly activity and i would be running on alcohol the next day. Thirst is cured for the time being and another activity is being planned for a going-to-be-non-bachelor friend :p