Say Goodbye - Step 2

Sat down together last Saturday to explain/discuss/deliberate with the lawyer. As always, the talk about divorce should be the last resort ... blah blah blah. But hey, that fella was like my lecturers or my ex boss, keeps on yapping and refuse to let me say my piece. Also like my ex boss is that, no matter what other people say, he still thinks that his way is best way and that is the only way of seeing things. OK fine, another thick head to deal with, sheesh.

An age old question was thrown up into the air, "Who would you save when all your close relatives are drowning when the boat they were on sank?". Your spouse, your parents and your child(ren). My answer to this like i have always answered it was that i don't save anyone at all. He immediately turned to me and exclaimed that im wrong, you should save the youngest person first to the eldest. Medically and statistically, i would agree BUT im not looking from that angle. You may be able to save youngest person BUT that person may end up like Del Spooner in I, Robot and question your logics on Why was he/she saved instead of the rest? Why are the others not important? Why would you deprive me of the other people whom i love? Why Why Why??? As famous chinese quote would put it, "Both sides of the palm are also meat", both choices are neither wrong nor right but they will hurt just as much. Even my choice is a coward one, a selfish one, to most maybe cruel or illogical even. I have no answer to the above questions, everyone is equally important and if your justification is that young ones still have a long way to go and old folks have gone through the good and bad then i cannot agree with it. Statistically again, anybody may die in the next minute for whatever reasons, so i cannot agree with his justification. As deliberated here, there is no right or wrong answers, only implications of what might be from your choice(s).

What is most important to you as a parent? Definately the child's welfare. If there is a choice would you want the child to live in a not so clean place but having better people to teach it or have it live in a clean place but people who may have bad influences (smoking, gambling, illiterate). Ideally of course you want the best but in reality is that that it is not as doable. As a matter of fact, im trying to implement some changes which hopefully would make things better.

Would you want to change your "better" life now to revert back to a half dead situation? What i foresee is that from debt free i would most likely be plunged into big negativity which i never really did recovered from the first 4 years. From at least 4 happy person to maybe none which are truly happy? I don't know, i really really don't know, are these really choices? Another point to consider maybe would be the heart is no longer feeling the same feelings it had many years ago.

I have 1 week to make up my mind. From what i have analyzed, current situation is better than it would be if changes were to be made for the the "supposed better". As number 5 of Shortcircuit would put, "Innnnnput, need more input!".

Till then, Take That - Love Ain't Here Anymore

Baby don't you want me to go
So honey, why don't you beg me to stay
For love, and talk the way we used to talk
Till we both know what weve lost
Never say the words we did before
Till it was over

Love ain't here anymore
Love ain't here anymore
Its gone away, to a town called yesterday
Love ain't here anymore

Listen, oh listen, I don't wanna let go
So maybe we can change the way we feel
For love, and open up the way we did before
Now is the right time
And Im sure you'd never say the words you did before
Until you knew it was over

Love ain't here anymore
Love ain't here anymore
Its gone away, to a town called yesterday
Love ain't here anymore

And when I find a place for me to keep my sweet love
Then I will leave it there forever more, yeah
And when I find someone to share I'll never give up
I will hold you and believe that this life leads to more

Love ain't here anymore
Love ain't here anymore
Its gone away, to a town called yesterday
Love ain't here anymore

Would you donate to a stranger to help accumulate RM500k for a baby's liver transplant?

Before i get into the details of the situation, i would like to admit that i am on my all fours in awe of the baby's mother who faced EVERYONE with a smile despite her hardship of dealing with the situation. I have only had a similar situation when my son was hospitalized for fever and vomiting, that was only but 1 night. She had already endured long nights and not enough sleep for over 5 months but she was able to separate work and her feelings almost entirely. How she was able to handle everything was beyond what my best efforts times 2 would fair.

Baby Kai Xin was diagnosed with biliary atresia when she was just 1 month old. To a normal person, jaundice is quite a norm in babies nowadays and the common treatment would be to expose the baby to light sunlight ie morning rays around 8-9am. However, for Kai Xin, this is the reverse and it would be fatal. After discovering this abnormality, she underwent a procedure called Kasai Procedure in hope that it is not as serious as it could turn out to be. Sadly though, despite the procedure, there was no improvement and the worse became reality when a leading professor (THE person to seek for biliary atresia in Malaysia) tried treating her but now, the enivitable have come true. The baby MUST undergo surgery for a liver transplant.

The ONLY liver transplant hospital in Malaysia is Selayang Hospital. The minimum requirement for this surgery to be done is that the patient should be above at least 10kg in weight. Baby Kai Xin's weight fluctuates between 6.2kg to 7kg due to water retention and difficulty in digesting milk. For comparison's sake, my son weighed 10kg when he was 2 years old (Kai Xin is just 6 months now). Due to its liver failure, the baby's stomach is almost always bloated and she is resisting to drink milk up to her supposed portion. If she does not gain enough weight then she will not be able to perform the surgery :(

The alternative to Selayang Hospital is National University Hospital (NUH) in Singapore where the minimum requirement is just 8kg. The professor have written a letter of recommendation for the mother to try to get financial help from the company to help pay for the surgery whereby the surgery + 1 month stay would amount to SGD150k. As stated, this is only the surgery bill, there are many many other tests which costs SGD20-30k and up which have to be done before surgery is to proceed. If there are complications then that would be another sum and depending on length of stay, it could be another 20-30k and up.

The company's medical is only willing to help with RM30k, much to the surprise or rather UTTER DISAPPOINTMENT of everyone, especially myself. I have personally gone to pull strings with the HR people whom i know to try to help but to no avail it seems :(( The shocking thing is that her grade was supposed to qualify her to unlimited medical finances, so it seems that its just a big bunch of bullcrap.

Point to be noted that better help would come if help were to be seeked from organizations like the MCA or newspapers but in the parents' view, there are other families which are much poorer than them who do not have any other avenues but to seek help from newspapers or MCA or the like. With respect to that and our own initiative, we have started our own fund raising and the person who donated, contributed RM1k. I do not have that much to spare and was only able to contribute RM100 :(

We will run our own fund raising campaign for her to try to help out as much as possible. IF we are able to secure an account where funds can be donated into and IF you guys are willing to contribute then leave your contact with me and i will get back to you when that account becomes available. Suggestions are also welcomed :)

Liars or better management?

Some people call it envy and some people call it good management. Im talking about the thing that makes the world go round, MONEY! Yeah yeah yeah, all my rants are about money but this is not something which you can turn a blind eye to. Even Shaolin monks are thinking up ways to increase their revenue, from what i gathered, its run like a business now and its really profitable as those westerners are really interested with what they can do. So you see, thousands of years of practise is also broken to accept the fact. Everyone is affected but some people (like myself) is NEVER able to have the spare cash to get what they need or more often want.

I will just quote from a few real life examples of people who i know, you be the judge as to whether they are liars or do they have better management of money?

Example 1, its a teleconversation actually :

SK : Hey Lawsh, long time no chat.
Lawsh : Yeah, how are you?
SK : Fine, i got 2 news, a good one and a bad one :(
Lawsh : Oh, what's wrong?
SK : My son needs to get an operation and its not covered by the company's medical :(
Lawsh : HUH??? Is it serious?
SK : Nolar, should be a minor operation and it will cost a few k though :(
blah blah blah about the kids medical issue ...
Lawsh : So what was the good news about?
SK : Oh yeah, almost forgot about that. Im getting a new Civic
Lawsh : WAFAK???!!! You call that a good news??? @_@|||
SK : Errr ... Its good news for me
Lawsh : Char to ... =_=|||

Note : His "old" Civic is only about 2-3 years old

Example 2 :

M : Sigh, no money liao again (payday was just a few days ago) or Payday is xx days away :(
Lawsh : =) LPPL lar
M : *plays with his new precious aka HTC PDA*
Lawsh : Wah new phone again ar?
M : Yeah, got it on the cheap.
Lawsh : How much oh?
M : 2k like that lar
Lawsh : *talks to self, "Niama, just said no money but bought a 2k phone"*
Lawsh : Why did you buy a new one? I thought the last one was still quite new? Some more you already got a few phones?
M : Aiyar, this one more power mar, can do yada yada yada
Lawsh : *speechless*

Note : Absolutely dumbfounded by the crazy nonsense

Example 3 :

A : I have just got a new phone yesterday, ori and its so nice --> refering to Nokia 5800
K & Z : Yawor, how much ar? I also wanna buy
A : RM1300, i can give you the contact from the guy i bought from. He is very helpful and will help you load the softwares and etc
Z : Ok, give me the contact i will go there and buy since my phone ngam ngam rosak liao
K : I will also go and find my handphone seller friend.
SERIOUSLY, the next day ...
K & Z : See, we got the phone liao
K : Mine is AP and its just RM1150
All : Lawsh you should buy this one also ...
Lawsh : *no comment as he does not have the budget of that magnitude*
after lunch ...
All : Wah those bags are cheap wor (ranges from RM30 and up, Petaling Street merchandise)
Ladies : *gives whatever crap excuses including NO MONEY TO BUY!!!*
Lawsh : *mouth gaping open but no words can flow out*

Note : *shakeshead in disbelief* willing to spend more than 1k for a phone to make calls but not willing to buy clothes/bags @ 3% of the price they paid for their phone

Example 4 of someone whom i think i knew some time ago :

C : I don't have enough money to pay for credit cards
Lawsh : Sorry, im up to my ears in debt as well but i will help you out when i get my bonus.
C : Look at this new dress/shirt/shoes i just bought.
Lawsh : *smiles* Looks nice
Lawsh : *also notices the stack of books which may stand 2 feet tall or more*
after get bonus ...
Lawsh : *pays off most of the debts for C*
after a few weeks ...
C : hehehe, im not able to settle my credit cards again
Lawsh : *have no words to express the extent of anger in him*

Note : I cannot spend my money on what i want and yet i do not have any money ...

So from then on, i do not believe ANYONE who says that they do not have any money because they DO NOT know what the real meaning of not having any money! SO FUCK THE HELL OFF IF YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT, GODDAMNED FUCKING LIARS!!!

mlm mlm

CHAMPIONE CHAMPIONE

3 in the bag and in 2 weeks time we shall see if history is in the making. Super long post ahead!

I will start off with something unconvetional :D

This summarizes the quotes of the IM chats below.

Too bad meebo does not keep the date as well :( Should be somewhere in December

[18:56] R: how coem last night you guys lost?
[18:56] Lawsh - : how do i know?
[18:56] R: lousy ma lousy lo
[18:56] Lawsh - : im not the manager
[18:56] R: the whole team is overrated ma
[18:56] R: KAKAAKAKA
[18:57] Lawsh - : tiuh
[18:57] R: cannot even beat a bunch of kids
[18:57] Lawsh - : a bunch of kids dominated the EPL in the 90s
[18:58] R: not true
[18:58] R: there were old ppl in the team
[18:58] Lawsh - : gallas, silvestre is just 20 hor?
[18:58] R: pallister, scheichel, keane
[18:58] R: your other defender
[18:59] Lawsh - : LPPL lar
[18:59] Lawsh - : sure got mixture one
[18:59] Lawsh - : almunia also not too young
[18:59] R: the only young ppl were beckam, giggs and scholes la
[18:59] Lawsh - : butt
[18:59] R: butt was useless
[18:59] R: nevilles were old
[19:00] Lawsh - : nevilles same class as becks and giggs lar
[19:00] Lawsh - : =_=
[19:00] R: gary is older la
[19:00] R: phil maybe
[19:00] R: and he was crap
[19:01] Lawsh - : his value is his versatality
[19:01] R: thats why you got rid of him
[19:01] R: kakakaka
[19:01] Lawsh - : not me
[19:01] Lawsh - : i would not have sold him :)
[19:02] R: anyway, i think in another 2 years then you all hailat liau
[19:02] R: ferguson is smart, he time his leaving with the others
[19:02] Lawsh - : hahaha
[19:02] R: giggs, scholes, van der sar
[19:03] Lawsh - : i would dump VDS this year
[19:03] Lawsh - : last year also quite lousy
[19:03] R: problem is cannot get replacement
[19:03] Lawsh - : they should play fm :p
[19:03] R: the good keepers are already with clubs
[19:03] R: the only one is buffon
[19:04] Lawsh - : got others also :)
[19:04] R: even that almunia is crap
[19:04] Lawsh - : yeap almunia is crap
[19:04] R: others is reina and cech only lo
[19:04] R: cassilas will never leave
[19:04] Lawsh - : cech is really really damn good
[19:04] R: no la
[19:04] R: last time he was damn damn good, after his injury he is lousier liau
[19:04] Lawsh - : reina is also crap, i get him in the game is because he can free transfer before liverpool
[19:05] R: reina is brilliant
[19:05] Lawsh - : yada yada yada
[19:05] R: ok la
[19:05] R: canno ttalk to you liau
[19:05] R: need to shower and get ready for dinner
[19:05] Lawsh - : ok
[19:06] R: need to celebrate arsenal's win
[19:06] R: KAKAKAKKAKAKA
[19:06] Lawsh - : not keane finally scoring meh?
[19:06] R: he score in champs league liau ma
[19:07] Lawsh - : EPL more games mar
[19:07] R: now he is scoring and torres is back
[19:07] R: become tien sia wu di liau
[19:08] Lawsh - : ROFL
[19:08] R: kekekeke
[19:08] Lawsh - : we shall see at the end of the season
[19:08] Lawsh - : top during xmas is not champs at the end :D
[19:08] Lawsh - : so enjoy!
[19:08] R: thats what i like about manu fans
[19:08] R: all also so optimistic one
[19:08] R: cannot face up to reality
[19:08] Lawsh - : wahahhahaahah
[19:08] R: KAKAKAKAKA
[19:08] Lawsh - : dunno who wait for more than 10 years liao
[19:08] Lawsh - : talk cock only
[19:09] Lawsh - : "this year will be the year"
[19:09] Lawsh - : dunno hear how many decades liao
[19:09] R: what decades lo
[19:09] R: same thing ma, you all also wait so long to take it from us
[19:09] Lawsh - : 2 decade kambing soon
[19:09] R: now its our turn again liau
[19:10] Lawsh - : see another "this year will be our year" even before you win it :D
[19:10] R: eh no, i didn't say that
[19:10] R: i just said you guys no chance
[19:10] Lawsh - : [19:08] R: now its our turn again liau
[19:10] Lawsh - : yeah ok lor
[19:10] R: that one i mean our era is coming ma
[19:10] Lawsh - : oh same line lar
[19:10] R: maybe not this year, but very soon liau
[19:11] Lawsh - : not yet win also celebrate liao LOL
[19:11] R: but i think we will win it this year
[19:11] R: lmao
[19:11] R: either us or chelsea
[19:11] Lawsh - : yeah like i said 2 decades baking soon but still repeating the same thing
[19:11] R: arsenal 3rd, villa 4th and manu in uefa cup
[19:11] R: HAHAHAHA
[19:11] Lawsh - : now nov only
[19:12] Lawsh - : still got 6 months
[19:12] R: usually after christmas we have the best run one ma
[19:12] Lawsh - : luckily my meebo got history one
[19:12] R: its always our start that let us down
[19:12] Lawsh - : we shall see :)
[19:12] R: yes we will

A quote from an IM chat after a sad 1-4 thrashing by Liverpool for comparison to what he said earlier in the season

[18:05] R: you all kena rape
[18:05] R: HAHAHAHA
[18:05] R: eh, 4-1
[18:05] R: HAHAHAHAHAHA
[18:06] Lawsh -: no comment coz whatever i said, sure you will kena
[18:07] R: hehehe
[18:07] R: you got watch the match?
[18:07] Lawsh -: i kena liao yesterday from as far as singapore so i will keep quiet
[18:07] Lawsh -: i should not have watched ...
[18:07] Lawsh -: cursed them :(
[18:07] R: hahaha
[18:08] R: i hear the mamak near my place so quiet
[18:08] R: when you all score the penalty so much noise
[18:08] R: then silence after that
[18:08] Lawsh -: :)
[18:08] Lawsh -: we shall see what happens in the end
[18:08] Lawsh -: i never celebrate until the fat lady sings
[18:08] R: in the end you guys should win la
[18:09] R: we only celebrating the thrashing
[18:09] Lawsh -: hehehe, i wonder what happened to the spirit of "this is the year" :p
[18:09] Lawsh -: ALL liverpool fans also taunt me this earlier this year
[18:09] R: aiya, we wanted to make it more exciting ma
[18:10] R: let you guys equal our record first
[18:10] Lawsh -: yada yada yada ...
[18:10] R: but you never know
[18:10] R: like you said the fat lady hasn't usng yet
[18:11] Lawsh -: yeah that is why i never taunt you or my other friends :)
[18:11] Lawsh -: IF and WHEN we win, i will :)
[18:12] R: but that one is the whole picutre liau
[18:12] R: right now we just enjoying the thrashing we dished out
[18:12] R: kekekeke
[18:12] R: how rooney was feeling last night = priceless
[18:13] Lawsh -: haiyar its not like you guys never kena thrash also mar
[18:13] Lawsh -: its a wake up call lor for me
[18:13] R: this is at old trafford ler
[18:13] Lawsh -: some of them especially ronaldo is really not like it
[18:13] Lawsh -: i would say some are lazing around liao
[18:13] R: ronaldo does not perform in big matches one la
[18:13] Lawsh -: the tackles also not spirited
[18:13] R: he can only bully the lousier players from lousier teams
[18:14] Lawsh -: ronaldo did not use his head to think, always kena 2 on 1 marking sure lar cannot do anything
[18:14] R: so now ppl will learn how to play against him liau
[18:14] R: i think blessing also that hyypia came on to play
[18:14] R: he was really good

It never cease to make me wonder how his own words bit him back. Although not yet champions but already celebrating in December, however when closer to end of season, he changes his statement to cover up for his earlier cock talk. All of them got the Rafa virus i suppose, when on top talk cock, when lost, talk even more cock XD

Another Pool fan who is overly optimistic :p Should be somewhere in February when Liverpool played against Real Madrid in the Champions League

[20:28] D: when man u play liverpool?
[20:28] D: we shld go out and watch!
[20:28] D: :P
[20:31] lawsh: i don't watch any games now for fear of jinxing them :)
[20:31] lawsh: and they have done well since
[20:31] D: ...
[20:31] D: WATCH!!!
[20:31] D: :D
[20:31] lawsh: i will do ANYTHING for them to win :D
[20:31] D: ...
[20:31] lawsh: hehe
[20:31] lawsh: sorry lar
[20:31] D: mebbe depends on where u watch them xxx (edited as its not suitable in this topic)
[20:32] lawsh: i will watch when we have secured the league at least
[20:32] lawsh: i did that last season, and i will do it again
[20:32] D: ...
[20:32] D: no need to watch this year. it's LIVERPOOL!!!
[20:32] D: hehe
[20:32] lawsh: i found out about this not watching thing helping the team and so from then on, i purposely miss matches
[20:32] lawsh: yeah right
[20:32] lawsh: all talks since before xmas
[20:33] lawsh: ALL liv fans that i know have been talking like that
[20:33] lawsh: i only see the result in may
[20:33] D: coz we liverpool fans!
[20:33] lawsh: who lifts the championship then only can boast
[20:33] D: now, we resting players coz champions league...
[20:33] D: not boasting...
[20:33] lawsh: im realistic :D
[20:33] D: we cheeering!
[20:34] lawsh: ok, whatever that gets you going
[20:34] D: :)
[20:34] D: Real Madrid will go down on the 25th!
[20:34] D: HEEHEE!!!
[20:34] lawsh: hehehe, IF gerrard is fit enough
[20:35] lawsh: without him i don't think so
[20:35] lawsh: raul is terror :p
[20:36] D: he resting for tat match...
[20:36] D: raul old already... :D

Haven't really get his response since we won the title but im sure i'll be getting the same shit also, "NEXT YEAR IT SHALL BE LIVERPOOL" --> they have been saying that for dunno how many years already =_=" 2 decades by my calculations.

BOO HOO!!!

DONE! (pic was taken at Anfield 1994)

Evra mocking Rafa Benitez to tell the world, "ITS OVER!!!"

Exactly the number of EPL trophies he won ^_^

My favourite number!!!

For me however the job is not done yet, there is still another important match the Champions League. Barcelona will be a really tough opponent.

Busy <--> Fucking

Most of my friends read my status today directly as that, but the fact that i was VERY slow to reply should suggest that those arrows are there for a purpose. I do not deny that i am trying to mislead people to think the obvious but it also allows me to see who are really active in IMs.

Instead of having to deal with auditors from just 1 company, now i have 2 ^_^ Having a normal human body, i am not able to sextify satisfy both at the same time, heck at that, they should not cum come on the same day =_=

As the sexytary clerk, i had to prepare a reply to Business people answering their queries on an IT techinal issue but at the same time high level enough and it must be understood by business people who have no IT sense nor understand IT terminology. I have been trying to explain as best i can in the most non-IT techinal form for the past 3 days, when i believe that i have a good enough draft, it would be still too technical, not high level enough and the worse is that i have to rearrange all the points downside up when everything have been written in a flowing manner of replying all the queries. Sigh, this is what you get for serving many big bosses at 1 go. You have to sextify satisfy each and every one of them one by one!

I have been skipping several project meetings just to try to keep up with all the adhoc "urgent" matters. Luckily though, its just 1 meeting or so per day but just when i thought i will get a breather, a breathing-down-my-neck person would give me a big smile and requests for more info which i have to source for them. Yahoo!!! Call and call, almost always the people you are trying to reach are not picking up their damn phones!

I took full advantage of my lunch time, going for almost 2 hours to breathe in carbon monoxide and whatever exhaust fumes from the busy streets. Being the gentleman that i am, i accompanied 2 ladies to do their shopping and i just dragged myself along so that i won't have to go back to office so fast to face all those carbon dioxide producers. Wanted to purchase an item which was on sale but a quick recap of what i still have in my wallet refrained me from doing so. Pay day is more than a week away and due to some urgent financial needs, i now unfortunately have credit card debts again )!@#&%_(@*$%&+!(*#%$)(*@$#%

My second half of the day is almost entirely dedicated to the 2 teams of auditors, 1 of them asking me to magically conjure up a report of which i do not have full info to wave my magic fingers and *poof* (magically creating) the report out of thin air. Sucks big time to be pushed around by a bunch of youngsters and running around like a good dog to do their evil collections :p

I think i have traveled more 200 floors or more today alone. 100 floors was achieved within the first 30 minutes of my arrival to office. I now have to review documents at home, yesterday i wrote the reply at home, i don't really work well with documents in office after office hours. I more than wish to announce that im busy fucking but sadly i am really fucking busy. However, if you guys are able to hook me up with a girl who wants to exclaim happily that she is also busy fucking PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do so. Until that happens, im gonna remain as fucking busy :(

Its always the guy's fault!!!

Last week someone on a public forum stating that he wanted to divorce his wife. Going through all the pages again today, i find that we have MANY similarities. In fact, i have actually contacted him via PM and tried to give him my advice and also what i have went through along plus answering his queries regarding the matter.

In his thread, there were bashers and analyzers. Bashers are mostly the female members, i can understand where they are coming from and why they said the things that they did. The analyzers some supported his view and there also some who are just kids who haven't even hit puberty, so most a negligible. The good ones have suggested some good opinions which should be given a try but him being like me very restricted in financials may not be able to secure those kind of services though there may be free services.

Those are the things which outsiders can judge based on what information which was divulged. However being there and done that, i know his pain of not being able to do what needs/required/suggested to be done. Things are not that simple when you are the "victim". Its not to say that i have not done the things which he had done (that is where the many similarities kicks in), things do not work out as how other people suggested/planned it for you. Only those who are on the field who will know what is going on.

The feeling of not having a single cent at the end of the month, to see your accounts having zero balances (i have big debts which he may or may not have, which were not mentioned other than his study and car loan) and yet still have to squeeze water out of a rock to satisfy others. A zombie who purpose is to serve and MUST NOT expect anything in return. Sigh, im beginning to question whether that is my subconscious self who created that thread voicing out my innermost feelings and disappointments.

I am not as open as he is hence i have divulged close to nothing of what i have been through. It has never been my nature to share my secrets after what happened to me earlier in life, which of course im not going to share here as well. At least i know that i am not the only one who suffered in silence just like the way he did. I feel for him, in some ways, he is in a much sadder condition than me.

Akai Ito - 366日

I wanted to share this with someone but i don't think i can do so without rousing some type of suspicion but anyhow, its such a popular song now that i think many people already have it :)

Tried to embed it here but it seems that the file size is too big to be played via streaming :[

2.8MB version
5.5MB version

The lyrics with translations :

それでもいい　それでもいいと思える恋だった
sore demo ii sore demo ii to omoeru koi datta

Even so it's okay, it seems I'm in love


戻れないと知ってても　繋がっていたくて
modorenai to shittete mo tsunagateitakute

Even though I know you won't return, we're still connected


初めてこんな気持ちになった
hajimete konna kimochi ni natta

I felt for the first time


たまにしか会う事　出来なくなって
tamani shika au koto dekina kunatte

That we won't meet, not even once in a while


口約束は当たり前
kuchi yakusoku wa atarimae

So a verbal promise is only right


それでもいいから…
sore demo ii kara…

Even so, it's okay...


叶いもしないこの願い
kanai mo shinai kono negai

My wish didn't come true


あなたがまたわたしを好きになる
anata ga mata watashi wo suki ni naru

That you would come and love me again


そんな儚い　私の願い
sonna hakanai watashi no negai

My fleeting wish was


今日もあなたに会いたい
kyou mo anata ni aitai

That I could see you again today


それでもいい　それでもいいと思えた恋だった
sore demo ii sore demo ii to omoeta koi datta

Even so it's okay, it seems I'm in love


いつしかあなたは会う事さえ拒んできて
itsu shika anata wa au koto sae koban dekite

When I meet you again one day.


一人になると考えてしまう
hitori ni naru to kangaete shimau

When I’m alone I’ll get lost in thought


あの時　私　忘れたらよかったの？
ano toki watashi wasureta yokatta no?

Should I forget about that time?


でもこのなみだが答えでしょう？
demo kono namida ga kotae deshou?

But this tears should be the answer to it right?


心に嘘はつけない
kokoro ni uso wa tsukenai

You just can’t lie to your heart


恐いくらい覚えているの　あなたの匂いや　しぐさや　全てを
kowai kurai oboeteiru no anata no nioi ya shigusa ya subete wo

I remember being scared by all your smells and gestures


おかしいでしょう？　そう行って笑ってよ
okashii deshou? sou itte waratte yo

Funny isn't it? I laugh when I say it


別れでいるのにあなたの事ばかり
wakare de iru no ni anata no koto bakari

The only thing separating us is you


恋がこんなに苦しいなんて　恋がこんなに悲しいなんて
koi ga konna ni kurushii nante koi ga konna ni kanashii nante

A love like this is so painful. A love like this is so sad


思わなかったの　本気であなたを思って知った
omowanakatta no honki de anata wo omotte shitta

I thought about you seriously and thought I knew you


恐いくらい覚えているの　あなたの匂いや　しぐさや　全てを
kowai kurai oboteiru no anata no nioi ya shigusa ya subete wo

I remember being scared by all your smells and gestures


おかしいでしょう？　そう行って笑ってよ
okashii deshou? sou itte waratte yo

Funny isn't it? I laugh when I say it

別れでいるのにあなたの事ばかり
wakare de iru no ni anata no koto bakari

The only thing separating us is you


あなたは私の中の忘れられぬ人　全て捧げた人
anata wa watashi no naka no wasurerarenu hito subete sasageta hito

You're the one I can't forget inside, the one I'm completely devoted to


もう二度と戻れなくても
mou nidoto modorenakute mo

Even if you never return again


今はただあなた…あなたの事だけ
ima wa tada anata… anata no koto dake

For now it's you and only you


あなたの事ばかり
anata no koto bakari

Only you

AISHHHHH SHIBBAL!!! (updated)

For those of you who are not so familiar with Korean, the above means "AHHHH SHIT/FUCK/DAMN/CRAP!!!". What makes a Monday even worse? Not enough sleep? Well, not enough sleep again it seems as i woke up again too early like 2.5 hours before my alarm rings but its OK, i managed to get fast downloads and got 2 movies completed :p.

The fucked up thing for me was that my relatively cheap and not so trusty/reliable laptop bag for work suffered another set back. On the first day i got it, a few months back, one of the rubber zipper broke in half but that's OK and relatively easy to overcome. Today however, the biggest (for the laptop) compartment's zipper malfunctioned, the zipper teeth are misaligned and won't close anymore T_T. Luckily though, this is a modern bag and is a 2 headed zipper but its not a very good direction to pull at so ... SIGH.

Sigh, like the saying goes, "Cheap stuff are not good stuff" =_= Just when i needed to cut down more on spending, i end up having the need to spend even more. SHIBBAL!!!

Edited (around 8.45pm) to include more SHIBBAL today :

Perhaps i should not have made this post so early in the morning. After work, i tried to start my car but my car's dry cell battery went dead. Great, i start the day with a broken zipper and i end my working day with flat car battery. Since this is something which cannot delay so RM165 flew into another person's pocket T_T.

AISHHHHH SHIBBAL!!!