Older AGAIN???

Although i believe i have mentioned this for the umpteenth time but again i feel that i have to reiterate. Im getting old again. I would say that my previous years i am more happy than i am this year. Not because no one celebrated with me or no one remembered but deep in my heart i have a sensation that something is amiss or wrong.

In a way, you can say that i was unhappy. Not because of the fact that i had to pay for my own birthday celebration with my family, not because i did not get a great present, not because of anything that anyone else does. There was this uneasiness in me which i cannot put my finger on or figure out.

Well what to do, sometimes in life you do get shortchanged and all. What you wish for or wanted like usual doesn't materialize, just like what Christians (no pun intended) like to say that you are not on Earth to enjoy life but to suffer, so you are to endure hardships and so and so forth before you get to enjoy Heaven.

Expect the unexpected are what most leaders/visionaries would say but if everything were so easy to be expected then nothing would go wrong, no? I thought that i have finally got my break and got what i wanted after a long wait but in the end, as my ex-boss would always love to say, "Finally there is light at the end of the tunnel". I saw the light diminished and having to start from square 0 (yes not square 1). Sigh how many challenges can a person endure? When i thought i finally got a break, i was reseted to an ever worse base to begin again.

"What can't kill you makes your stronger"? Sounds nice ain't it? Well it may be true to some extent but there only so much a person can take/endure. I have now finally decided to follow through with a plan which i thought i would not use so fast but like i said, im running out of choices and im not getting any younger to start from nothing again. There are so many things at stake, that i would prefer to start from another base instead of having to build the same hope/vision which is looking VERY dim now. I have thought to myself, if i were to start again, why not try to start better with a change scenery if possible. Maybe it can lead to another better light at the end of a very dark tunnel.

I really do need a break, nothing is going right. To all my friends who are helping me, thank you very much.

P/S : I really do sound like im not making much sense don't i? I am really rather lost and down at the moment. Please, "Let there be light"