Don't FUCKING ask me about these anymore.

Q = Question.
SA = Sarcastic answer
RA = Real answer

Q : "Hey lawsh, when do you want to move in to your new house?"

SA : "Oh hey, i just i want to do a case study on how the forest can reclaim Cheras at my new house, you know just like how the forests reclaimed Angkor Wat."

RA : "I don't fucking have the money to continue the renovation works. And by the way its not owned by me. I can only manage to get through the month every month but i still carry debts, so how to take on more debts when you are already negative?"

Q : "Do you still live at your old house?"

SA : "Oh yeah, been renting for almost 2 decades already, very kam ching"

RA : "I would very much love to have a place of my own be it even by rental BUT i can't fucking afford it all. It is really hard for me to explain why i don't have enough money, im not a spendthrift person in fact i would honestly admit that im fucking stingy."

Q : "So how is your house searching going on?"

SA : "Im spoiled by choices"

RA : "I have found several decent and of course after years of defiance not to look at non-landed properties, i had to give in as i do not have enough means to be able to look at the numbers required monthly."

Q : "So when are you going to have a second baby? 3-4 years gap is a good time already"

SA : "I am so damned happy to have sex everyday that i don't want to stop it for 9 months due to the pregnancy"

RA : "If you know the size of my house/room then you will know that there is not enough room for me to expand my family. This coupled together with my negative monthly income goes hand in hand with why i can't afford another one now. I too would LOVE to have more children, my original intention is to have 4 in total, 2 boys and 2 girls given the choice."

Q : "You still with M******? Why not try other places?"

SA : "M****** is so damned good with its super benefits that i refuse to leave, i can kick back and relax but still enjoy all those shit"

RA : "I have been job hunting since this post. Its not like i did not get any offers at all, i did get one about December last year. Its salary offer and benefits are fair enough BUT some more realistic calculation methods were introduced to me and it is not much of an improvement (around 5% annually, a good increase should be in the region of 20-30%) to my current job. To add a twist to this story, i received a promotion letter on 1st April backdating my promotion to January 08. So by staying i still got the salary being offered by that company and retain the benefits which i am entitled to now. Another offer did come in by a famous consulting firm but it was more towards programming which i do not prefer and hence being a stupid fucking idiot honest person i went and told the HR that given the choice i would not take it up, BUT in reality if i really took up a job which i could not handle then it may be worst given the fact that it has taken me more than 2 years to receive just 2 offers."

Q : "Long time no see you, you look fat"

SA : "I don't have to worry already, my stocks are wholly owned by my wife already"

RA : "To be honest with you, i eat much lesser than i did before marriage. Why am i still expanding sideways? I have no fucking idea, i don't exercise much before and after marriage, so not much difference in that sense. I take half portion of rice after my marriage especially at night. I dislike fatty meats because they make me puke, i eat a whole lot more veggies nowadays, a lesson learnt far too late as i have already suffered the consequences of pimples and acne outbreaks."

Q : "Are you balding?"

SA : "9 out of 10 bald men are rich men, i may be joining the 9's club"

RA : "Its genetics, i have not have much hair since my schooling days. The 'M' sign on my forehead only makes it more apparent. Perhaps too much Maggi could have contributed to it as well."

Q : "Why do you always act like you are cool?"

SA : "Did you know that you use less muscle by frowning than to smile? It means that you won't get wrinkles as fast"

RA : "To be honest, i did not know that by NOT smiling, its cool @_@!. Im not built to smile, if you ask me to smile to take a photo, my lips would end up like a straight line only. Unless im really happy, you won't get a real smile out of me. I do LOL alot real life but its mostly sarcastic."

Note : more may be added if i can think of more