Like butter spread over too much bread

I remember i wanted to blog about how stretched i was at work earlier this year. Stretched to the point where stress would accumulate at my neck and it was so stiff that i can't look to the side. Actually we are stretched in terms of staff, 3 colleagues left and no replacement have come in. The boss' favourite tagline, "Nobody is irreplaceable". Sure its easy for him to say, especially now that he is no longer my boss in a way due to a recent restructure. Just 50% of a boss because he is double hatting ie taking care of 2 portfolios.

To make matters worse, we the supposed replacements for the earlier exodus of staff to foreign banks which just established themselves in Malaysia, are totally new to this field of work. Like many people, one will be very motivated to work in what they thought would be interesting. I was actually overjoyed with the initial work. No more programming, no more bugs, no more pulling my hair out thinking what if the fuck is wrong with my codes, etc. After the orientation and honeymoon period, the workload began to pile up because to begin with we were understaffed as a group of 10 (boss included) would support the whole company.

The learning curve was really like the exponential line because i had to be thrown into the thick of the heat because like i mentioned we were understaffed and others have their own work to do. Asking over and over again ticked them off and you can see it on their faces if not in the tone of their replies. Luckily and thankfully, i have other friends who helped me in my work. They guided me away from most pitfalls but one learns better and faster by doing mistakes. So sometimes i was intentionally left in the dark to fall and to learn to watch out for the dangers so that i won't repeat them.

The bad thing about me is that sometimes i am slow to pick up on some things and its quite apparent now that im in quite a big mess now. My colleagues do offer help sometimes to help me catch up to their speed. I was told i was not running fast enough as my colleagues pace in doing work so i need to catch up. Well to be honest, now im really tired of this running. Getting old ei? Huffing and puffing everyday until im exhausted and will need to go to sleep by 10.30pm every night. By the time i get to my bed, my eyelids are no longer able to be open but i still need to make sure that my little one falls asleep before i can sleep in peace.

Taking leave for rest or even the long break during CNY did not do any good because if you are not work, the work will still pile there waiting for your return. If you go any longer, you can be sure that the pile will only get bigger. I so so wished that i could bring my little one somewhere during his school break this week but that is not to be. Sigh, a big project cutover is looming and the top people are focusing on the successful cutover so that their project may finally begin. On second thought, im actually handling 2 big projects which in the project manager's word would be, "It must not fail!".

"Like butter spread over too much bread" is actually quoted from Bilbo Baggins in the movie, The Lord of the Rings - The Fellowship of the Ring.