I, Mercenary

I always hear from my friends and colleagues that we should have a mercenary mind. But wait a minute what is a mercenary? According to dictionary.com, it means "working or acting merely for money or other reward" By this definition, I think so many of you out there are the same but in my mind, I wanted to try to work for the highest bidder of which I have seen seems to be quite handsomely paid =D

Thus after trying many years to be able to be a mercenary, I changed 2 jobs in less than 6 months before which I stayed with my first company for almost 9.5 years. I thought to myself, I have made up my mind and be committed to making this change to try to get top dollar. This also means that I will have to venture into unknown territories ie perform unknown work.

For my first jump, it was pretty relaxed at first and it was mainly still within my comfort zone. But then came the lure of benefits which I previously had so I thought it was a better offer once again hence I went ahead for my second.

In my second jump ie now, a major part of the work is focused on a specific area which I also had experience with. However as days passed, I find that it might be a little too much for me to chew. I felt trapped at my desk whereas previously I was able to move around meeting people from various other departments and vendors. Now is all about paperwork and my attention span is close to non-existent :p

There is a great weight of expectation and a menacing shadow looking over my shoulders. It is not to say I am not able to do the work but it would be better or faster if I can be pointed into a more specific direction instead of letting me wander around looking for the right path like a blind person but is expected to reach the destination like a normal person might be able to in a new place. Sigh...

The thought of wanting to switch again or perhaps go return to where I originally started is looking a whole more attractive. Unfortunately, it looks absolutely bad on my resume to be not able to last 1 year on a new job but it is so very tempting to want to be able to do something which I may like better than now. Decisions decisions...