I can now only be with you in my dreams

Its finally a reality... After so many years, the cat is finally out of the bag and it was really really strange. I never imagined that it would happen this way. At least its much better than I had expected. I thought I would react badly to it but I am more calm than ever. You really do know how to handle situations. Too bad your reading of people is still very poor.

It was a great chat. You taught me many things and I revealed secrets which many would like to know. Interesting what a couple of hours of chat would end up. I think it was really OK because I have already been mentally prepared for this ages ago. But the stupid idiot which resides in me refused to see the logic. Today it has been proven and I really do know it that well.

Will I ever dream of you again? I wonder how it will be? Will it still be as exciting as before? Come to think of it again do I want to dream of you? We shall see, my special friend :)

Damage - Forever

CHORUS
I'll be loving you forever
Deep inside my heart you'll leave me never
Even if you took my heart and tore it apart
I would love you still forever

You are the sun, you are my light
And you're the last thing on my mind
Before I go to sleep at night
You're always 'round when I'm in need
When trouble's on my mind
You put my soul at ease

There is no one in this world
Who can love me like you do
So many reasons that I
Want to spend forever with you

We've had our fun, and we've made mistakes
But who'd have guessed along that road
We'd learn to give and take
It's so much more than I could have dreamed
You make loving you
So easy for me

There is no one in this world
Who can love me like you do
That is the reason that I
Want to share forever with you

CHORUS
(And girl I pray you leave me never)

BRIDGE:
Coz this is a world
Where lovers often go astray
But if we love each other
We won't go, won't go that way
So put your doubts aside
Do what it takes to make it right
Coz I'll love you forever
No one can tear us apart
CHORUS (TILL FADE)

  Hmm ... you do occupy a very big portion of my heart :)

나는 안 되는 거니 정말 안 되는 거니

Its interesting how some songwriters are able to combine words and express things  in a much better way. It really takes time to appreciate and understand them. I think this song is a very good match with the drama and it makes a lot of sense.

Tim - 안되니

슬픔에 지쳐 눈믈 흘릴 때
너를 위해 함께 울어줄 사람
이 세상 모두너를 등짛 떼조차
먼저 너의 손을 잡아줄 사람
언제라도 부르면 한걸음에 달려갈
그 사람이 나란 걸 왜몰라
Reff :
나는 안 되는 거니 정말 안되는 거니
매일 너를 웃게 할텐데
마지막 그 날까지 너의 곁을 지켜줄 단 한사람
그 사랑이나일 순없는 거니
아픔에 겨워 비틀거릴 때
너의 상처까지 안아줄 사람
먼 곳언을 보며 나를 울릴 울리때조차
오직 너 하나만 바라볼 사람
너를 위해서라면 다 잃어도 행복할
그 사람이 나란 걸 왜 몰라
**Back to Reff
갖고 싶은 사람아
죽을 만큼 닿고 싶은 사람아
힘겨워도 견딜 수있었던 건
니가 내 곁에 있어서 사랑할 수있어서
기다려도 되겠니 바라봐도 되겠니
니가 내게 오는 날까지
나의 마지막 순간 눈물처럼 떠올릴 단 한 사람
내 사랑이 돼주면 언되겠나
내 곁에 머물면 안되겠니

The English translations :

Tim - Can't it be me?

When you cry because of sadness,
The one who could cry together with you
Even when everyone in the world turns their back on you
The first person who hold your hand
Whenever you call, will rush into you
Why don’t you know that person is me
Reff :
Can’t it be me? Really can’t it be me?
Everyday, I would make you smile
The one who will watch over you until the end
Can’t that person be me?
When you stumble because of pain
The one who hold you from being hurt
The one who embraces your scars
The one who only looking at you
The person who would happy even lose everything for you
Why don’t you know that person is me
**Back to Reff
You are the one I want
You are the one I really want to reach
The reason I was able to go through the hard times
Because you were with me, because I could love you
Can I wait for you? Can I see you?
Until the day you come to me
Like the tears of my last moment, you are the only one I remember
Can’t you be my love?
Can’t you stay with me?

 I am asking this question too much ...

被夢想分隔兩地 用思念熬過孤寂 不停 想妳

Im not sure how old this song is but it captured my attention even before the chorus. Its very rare that a song is able to do this to me because I will need some time to digest the meaning. When I read through the whole song, it was really wonderful and hence I recommend it to you :)

Tank & Ella - 懂我再愛我

T：以為你會開心 用飛奔傾訴愛意 來我懷裡
為什麼你不靠近 憤怒地關上自己 淚眼迷離
用多少心 才帶來的驚喜 我還想說 妳不聽

E: 你懂我再愛我 就不會傷害我
在幸福的路口 被失望壓垮了
你懂我再愛我 我就不會病了
害怕聽見許諾 不知道能相信什麼

T: 從前妳很開心 我丟掉苦悶自己
微笑 學妳 (E: 微笑 學我)
被夢想分隔兩地 用思念熬過孤寂
不停 想妳 (E: 不停想你)
我將感情先堆滿在心底 打拼榮耀獻給你

E: 你懂我再愛我 就不會折磨我
被回憶勒住了 痛到虛脫沉默
你懂我再愛我 我就不會怕了
好想勇敢走過 像從前最擅長快樂

E: 你懂我再愛我 就不會折磨我
被回憶勒住了 痛到虛脫沉默 (T: 痛到虛脫沉默)
你懂我再愛我 我就不會怕了
好想勇敢走過 像從前最擅長快樂
像從前最擅長快樂
(像從前最擅長快樂 像從前最擅長快樂) 快樂

 Its very meaningful to me because I would definitely want someone to be able to understand me well and catch me when I fall. It would be best that I will never fall again :)

Suicide ...

I recently had a series of long chats with someone who would fall under the category of equal to worst enemy. What I told this person was what I wanted to say but at the same time should not be said. Makes no freaking sense ... ei? I know what I am trying to do and at the same time, I really know that I should not. Walking a very thin line between life and death.

Relieved and worried at the same time for what I have said. This is driving me really insane. So close yet so far. Just a touch away but feels like a million miles away. Although I can basically catch what you think but I dare not think that I was 100% right because you are not a normal person to be reckoned with.

This has really affected me psychologically which in turn will affect me physically. My brain and heart goes into overdrive each time I think about this matter. I am scared to think about it but it never seems to be able to leave my mind. Like a gum stuck to your shoe and very hard to get rid off.

Only time will tell if what I have done is suicide or the road to glory.

Waking up too early

For some unknown reason, I am waking up too early everyday. Perhaps I have too much on my mind and it cannot be resolved when my mind is resting. My body don't feel right as well. Its a strange but familiar feeling, So familiar that its really scaring me now.

I find this song very nice and meaningful from a Korean drama which I just finished, 49 days.

Shin Jae - 눈물이 난다

니가 숨쉰다 니가 살고있다 내 가슴속에서
심장이 울린다 니가 걷고있다 내 가슴속에서
처음 내게 왔던 날부터 그리움이 되어 넌 나를 부른다
자꾸 눈물이 난다 시린 눈물이 난다
가슴 아파서 너 때문에 아파와서
니가 그리운 날엔 이토록 그리운 날엔
보고 싶어 또 눈물이 난다
목이 메인다 끝내 삼켜낸다 사랑한단 그 말
바람에 띄운다 멀리 보내본다 보고 싶단 그 말
차마 전할 수가 없던 말 긴 한숨이 되어 가슴에 흐른다
자꾸 눈물이 난다 시린 눈물이 난다
가슴 아파서 너 때문에 아파와서
니가 그리운 날엔 이토록 그리운 날엔
보고 싶어 또 눈물이 난다
자꾸 흘러내린다 니가 흘러내린다
가슴에 차서 가슴에 니가 넘쳐서
아픈 눈물이 된다 그리운 눈물이 된다
내 가슴에 넌 그렇게 산다
자꾸 눈물이 난다 시린 눈물이 난다
사랑하니까 사랑은 눈물이니까
너를 곁에 두고도 이렇게 곁에 두고도
못다한 말 너를 사랑한다

English translation

Shin Jae - Tears are falling

You’re breathing, you’re living, in my heart
My heart is crying, you’re walking, in my heart
From the day you were beside me, you’re always in my thoughts, calling me
Cold tears keep shedding, falling non-stop,
My heart hurts because of you and it keeps hurting
On days that I miss you, days like these, because I’m missing you
My tears are falling again
I’m choking on the words, even swallowing it, the words “I love you”
Launching into the wind, flying far far away, I’m missing those words you said
The words that couldn’t be communicated to you, becomes a long sigh and flows through my heart
Cold tears keep shedding, falling non-stop,
My heart hurts because of you and keeps hurting
On days that I miss you, days like these, because I’m missing you
My tears are falling again
The you that’s always been appearing right in front of me, is filling my heart, overflowing it
Becomes tears of heartache, yearning tears, you keep living in my heart like that
Cold tears keep shedding, falling non-stop,
Because I love you, because these tears are tears of love
Even if you were by my side and couldn’t say those words,
I really love you

Suddenly

Like most of the other songs which I like, its the meaning the lyrics carry determines whether I like it even more seeing that it has a good rhythm to it.

Kim Bo Kyung - Suddenly

아무런 말도 떠오르지 않았어
amuron maldo tto-oreuji anasso
너의 얼굴 다시 볼 줄
noye olgul dasi bol jul
정말 몰랐어
jongmal mollasso
내 마음속 깊은 어딘가에
ne maeumsok gipeun odin-gae
묻어둔 채
mudodun che
여지껏 그리워하며
yojikkot geuriwohamyo
아파했었지
apahessotji

돌아보면 미소 띈 얼굴로 날
dorabomyon miso ttuin olgullo nal
바라보며 항상 뒤에
barabomyo hangsang dwie
서 있는 것 같아
so inneun got gata
어지러운 이 기분에
ojiroun i gibune
홀로 밤을 새며
hollo bameul semyo
아직 남은 그대 흔적에
ajik nameun geude heunjoge
울곤 했지
ulgon hetji

이제 말해줘
ije marhejwo
내가 뭘 잘못했는지
nega mwol jalmot-henneunji
이제 말해줘
ije marhejwo
내가 부족했던 건지
nega bujokhetdon gonji

정말 그대를 미치도록 원했어
jongmal geudereul michidorok wonhesso
그댈 다시 볼 수 있기를
geudel dasi bol su itgireul
항상 기도해왔어
hangsang gidohewasso
이렇게 내가 죽을 것만 같은데
iroke nega jugeul gotman gateunde
이젠 그대가 내게 올 순 없나요
ijen geudega nege ol sun omnayo
제발
jebal

혼자서도 잘해낼 수 있다고
honjasodo jarhenel su itdago
너 없이도 잘해낼 수
no obsido jarhenel su
있을 거라고
isseul gorago
다짐하며 오지 않는
dajimhamyo oji anneun
잠을 청해봐도
jameul chonghebwado
니 말투 니 표정만
ni maltu ni pyojongman
또렷이 떠올라
ttoryosi tto-olla

이제 말해줘
ije marhejwo
내가 뭘 잘못했는지
nega mwol jalmot-henneunji
이제 말해줘
ije marhejwo
내가 부족했던 건지
nega bujokhetdon gonji

정말 그대를 미치도록 원했어
jongmal geudereul michidorok wonhesso
그댈 다시 볼 수 있기를
geudel dasi bol su itgireul
항상 기도해왔어
hangsang gidohewasso
이렇게 내가 죽을 것만 같은데
iroke nega jugeul gotman gateunde
이젠 그대가 내게 올 순 없나요
ijen geudega nege ol sun omnayo

정말 그대를 미치도록 원했어
jongmal geudereul michidorok wonhesso
그댈 다시 볼 수 있기를
geudel dasi bol su itgireul
항상 기도해왔어
hangsang gidohewasso
이렇게 내가 죽을 것만 같은데
iroke nega jugeul gotman gateunde
이젠 그대가 내게 올 순 없나요
ijen geudega nege ol sun omnayo

제발 제발
jebal jebal

Im sure not many of you would understand Korean so here is the translation :

I couldn’t come up with any words.
I really did not know I’d see you again.
Somewhere buried deep inside my heart.
I have longed and ached for you.

When I turn around I see the smiling face.
The face that is always there, behind me.
This dizzy feeling keeps me up at night.
Traces of you keep me crying again.

Tell me now, how was I wrong?
Tell me now, was I lacking?

I really desired you like crazy.
I always prayed that I could see you again.
I feel as though I will die like this.
Can’t you be the one coming to me now.
Please.

I told myself I’d be fine alone.
That I could do well without you.
I tell myself this as I try to force myself to sleep.
But all I can think of are the way you speak and look.

Tell me now, how was I wrong?
Tell me now, was I lacking?

I really desired you like crazy.
I always prayed that I could see you again.
I feel as though I will die like this.
Can’t you be the one coming to me now?

I really desired you like crazy.
I always prayed that I could see you again.
I feel as though I will die like this.
Can’t you be the one coming to me now?
Please.
Please.

 I think this will be my new ringtone for now :)

Halfway through working age

Seems like I have joined the club. It was no big event but I loved the time and dinner my friends spent with me on the eve, very thoughtful and filled with chocolate =Þ

Once midnight struck, I began to receive Facebook wishes which was very nice. Some are a little strange though, saying something like the whole community also wishes me and I don't even live near that area. Its great to be not forgotten as I received SMS from a faraway friend whom I once considered to be one of my closest friend. Thank you all.

I chatted with another faraway friend on Whatsapp whom I thought remembered my day as well but it seems she was just trying to get confirmation from me whether I will attending her big day. All the while I thought she would wish me but in the end we just had a fun conversation like old friends who have not met in a long time would.

 Seems like I woke up at the right time to capture this

Someone was messaging me at this time so another screen capture

Sigh, Im feeling old and my body tends to agree. During a recent trip, I was struggling to climb a few flight of stairs. Perhaps the excuse was that the weather was too hot (it was summer) and it took its toll. 30 years of labour some more before retirement. I wonder how will it be ...