What to do when you are bored in office?

Its not that i have nothing to do in office that is causing my boredness but rather slow servers. So today surfing in my most frequented forum, i found a game introduced, its called Rose around the petal. The game can be found here, http://www.freeworldgroup.com/games/roses/

Before you know how to play the game, it will make you wonder how in the world you can get the number of petals from just 5 dice? But once found out, its not so fun anymore. Anyhows it killed my time good enough to pass a few server tasks.

Then there are those long stories that requires more than a few minutes to read (basically like this boring shitty blog that you are visiting), entitled Tree, Leaf and Wind. Some may have got and read it before from an email, i think i created a thread call Chicken Soup based on this story.

TREE=====

The reason I'm called Tree is because I'm good at
painting trees. Over time I started to paint a
tree in
the right hand corner as a trademark for all my
watercolor paintings. I had dated 5 girls when I
was in Pre-U. There's one girl whom I loved a lot
but never dared go after. She didn't have a pretty
face, nor a good figure, or outstanding charm.
She was just a very ordinary girl.

I like her. I really like her. Like her innocence,
her
frankness. Like her cuteness, her intelligence and
her fragility. My reason for not going after her was
that I felt somebody so ordinary was not good
enough for me. I was also afraid that if we got
together all the special feelings I had would
vanish. I feared that other people's gossiping
would hurt her. I also felt that if she was meant to
be my girl, she would be mine ultimately and I
didn't have to give everything up just for her. The
last reason made her stay with me for 3 years.
She watched me chase after other girls for 3
years, and I made her heart cry for 3 years.

She wanted to be a good actress and I was a very
demanding director. When I kissed my second
girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was
embarrassed but smiled and said "Go on!" before
running off. The next day, her eyes were swollen
like walnuts. I purposely ignored what had caused
her to cry and instead, laughed at her the whole
day. When everyone else went back home, she
sat alone crying in the classroom. She didn't know
that I had returned from soccer training to get
something. I watched her cry for an hour or so.

My fourth girlfriend didn't like her. There was once
when both of them quarrelled. I know that based
on her character she was not the one who had
started off the quarrel. But I still sided with my
girlfriend. I shouted at her and her eyes were filled
with shock. I didn't care about her feelings and
walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she
still
laughed and joked with me as though nothing had
happened. I know that she was very hurt but she
didn't know that my heart ached as badly as hers.
When I broke up with my fifth girlfriend, I asked her
out. After going out for a day, I told her that I had
something to tell her. She told me that
coincidentally, she had something to tell me too. I
told her about my break-up and she told me about
her getting together with someone else. I know
who the guy was. He had been going after her for
quite a while. He was a very cute guy who was full
of energy, lively and interesting. His pursuit for
her
had been the talk of the school.

I couldn't let her know how my heart ached but
could only smile and congratulate her. When I
reached home, my heart ached so bad that I can't
stand it. There was like a heavy weight upon my
chest. I couldn't breathe. I wanted to shout but
couldn't. Tears rolled down and I broke down and
cried. How many times have I seen her cry for the
man that didn't even acknowledge her presence?

During graduation, I read an SMS in my
handphone. It was sent 10 days ago when I broke
down and cried, but I hadn't read it since then. It
said, "Leaf's departure is because of Wind's
pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay."

LEAF=====

During Pre-U days, I liked to collect leaves. Why?
Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree she
has relied on for so long it takes a lot of courage.
During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close
terms with a guy. Not the BGR kind but the buddy
kind. But when he had his first girlfriend, I learned
a feeling I never should have learnt - jealousy. The
sourness in
the heart couldn't be described using a lemon. It's
Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only
together for 2 months. When they broke up, I hid
my strong sense of happiness. But after a month,
he got together with another girl.

I like him and I know he likes me. But why wouldn't
he pursue me? Since he loved me why didn't he
make the first move? Whenever he had a new
girlfriend, my heart would ache. T ime after time,
my heart was hurt again and again. I began to
suspect this was a one sided love. But if he didn't
like me, why did he treat me so well? It's beyond
what you would do for a normal friend. Liking a
person is very heart wrenching. I may know his
likes, his dislikes, his habits, etc. But his
feelings
towards me I can never figure out. You can't
expect me, a girl, to ask him right?

Despite all this, I still wanted to be by his side.
Care for him, accompany him, love him, hoping
that one day, he will love me too. I waited for his
phone call every night, wanting him to send me
SMS. I know that no matter how busy he was, he
would make time for me. Because of this, I waited
for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go
through and I really wanted to give up. At times, I
wondered whether I should continue waiting. The
pain, the hurt, and the dilemma accompanied me
for 3 long years.

Towards the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior
began to go after me. Everyday he pursued me
relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in
time when I felt that I was willing to let him have a
small footing in my heart. He's like a warm and
gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the
tree. In the end, I realized that I didn't want to
give
this wind just a
small footing in my heart. I know this wind will
bring this badly battered leaf far away to a better
land. Finally I left Tree. But Tree only smiled and
didn't ask me to stay. Leaf's departure is because
of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her
to stay.

WIND=====

I like a girl called Leaf. Because she's so
dependent on Tree, I have to be a gust of Wind, a
wind that will blow her away. When I first met
her, it
was one month after I transferred to the new
school. I saw a petite girl looking at my seniors
and I playing soccer. During CCA time, she would
always be sitting there looking at him, be it alone
or with her friends. When he talked with other girls,
there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at
her, there's happiness in her eyes. Looking at her
became my habit, the way she liked to look at
him.

One day, she wasn't there. I felt something was
amiss. I can't explain the feeling except that it's a
sense of uneasiness. The senior was also not
there. I went to their classroom, hid outside and
saw my senior scold her. Tears were in her eyes
when he left. T he next day, I saw her at her usual
place looking at him. I walked over and smiled at
her, took out a note and gave it to her. She was
surprised. She looked at me, smiled and
accepted the note. The next day, she passed me
a note and left.

Leaf's heart is too heavy and Wind couldn't blow
her away.

It's not that Leaf's heart is too heavy. It is
because
Leaf never wanted to leave Tree. I replied her note
with this statement and slowly she started to talk
to me and accepted my presents and phone calls.
I know that the person she loved wasn't me. But I
had the perseverance that one day, I could make
her like me. Within 4 months, I had declared my
love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she
would divert away from the topic. But I never gave
up. If I decided I wanted her to be mine, I would
definitely use all means to win her over. I can't
remember how many times I had declared my
love for her. Although I knew she would try to
divert, I still had a small glimmer of hope, hoping
that she would agree to be my girlfriend. I didn't
hear any reply from her over the phone, so I
asked "What are you doing? Why didn't you
reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head." "Ah?" I
couldn't believe my ears. "I'm nodding my head,"
she replied loudly. I hung up the phone, changed
quickly, took a taxi, rushed to her place and
pressed her door bell. When she opened the
door. I hugged her tightly. Leaf's departure is
because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't
ask her to stay.

Beggars really can't be choosers?

A find the old saying, "Beggars can't be choosers" not really applicable anymore these days. Why? Just take a look around our local pasar malams or a walk up some busy LRT stations. They even have seats waiting for people to 'donate' to them. Well if they are losing a limb or two i can understand but some of them are still able bodied, let's take for example in many pasar malams that i have been at, there would and old aunty carrying a small baby which needs to be fed milk. This is the same person who i saw last year carrying the baby and still suckling from breastfeeding is now feeding using a bottle. Actually if i were to 'donate' it would be for the sake and hopefully betterment of the child not the adult.

Another example would be a blind man about 40 years or so aged. He would be standing in the walkway leading to an LRT station, there he would be holding a plastic mug and waiting for 'donations'. This is fine for the normal people who will want to donate to him because of his condition. I will NEVER give him any money. Why? Because he would contribute to my death, maybe not mine but everyone who walks past him, if you haven't already guessed, he is a smoker. I mean come on you are not supposed to be able to afford smokes if you are begging and hence my argument today, they are not beggars they are lazy bums who just sticks out their hand waiting for people to hand him money for smokes that will kill his kind donors.

Another prime example would be of a lady who is thin as a stick and wheelchair bound. Seems to be a mamak because of her dark complexion. This lady usually coupled with a crippled/retard child who also needs to be seated in a wheelchair as his legs seems to be too skinny to hold his weight. The two of them would sit and wait for people to hand them money. Many crippled people don't want to be this way, they would work their way and be respected because they are still capable of living like normal people.

Some would offer music entertainment, but their performances would be much more appreciated of they get organized. The entertainers that i see everyday would be a couple that sits on their chair usually chained to the guard rails at night. One would play the ukulele and the other would sing. Their songs like i said may not earn them contracts but if they really practised with a well organized band they play at some places and earn decent amounts. Its better than sitting outside exposed to the heat of the sun, though covered but sometimes the heatwaves are unbareable.

The worse kind of all would be those blinds that are accompanied by a fully able bodied person to ask for 'donations', in return you get those calenders or some other paper shite. Why would an able bodied person want to go beg by showing the blind around food stalls etc? Those people who are poorer than them are able to survive by working their ass off to raise several children, though they may not be getting fully nutritioned food. Shame on the person who guides the way to this kind of lowness.

Some people speculate that these people are backed by some group to beg. Why? The same bunch of beggars can be seen at different locations many kilometers apart. Some even take taxis to their spot. I mean i don't even travel to work using taxi, and these supposed 'unfortunate' people can afford a taxi ride to their choiced 'working spot'. Great!

I believe there was a newspaper report that interviewed a Chinese (yes from China) beggar asking for donations so that he may return to his country because he had somehow lost his money and could not afford a plane ticket. The report continued to mention that this beggar is able to 'make' about 3k/8k (i can't remember the amount). Heck that is more than my salary goddammit!

The government is supposed to have launched a scheme/project of some sort to help out these people. Its called OKU i think, Orang Kurang Upaya. Those registered will be helped in some sort of ways. Perhaps to get a job instead of just asking for 'donations'. It would be better for them than to be arrested some day as they are considered as obstructing pathways or sometimes referred to as pollution.

The beggars that i mentioned in this post are people who choose to beg, not because they have no choice. The government do look out for them but choose to beg!

Losing someone ...............

Just last Saturday my father-in-law (FIL) passed away. The doctor's diagnosed his death reason to be Acute Coronary Syndrome ie heart attack. But from what i know and told by my wife, from the many many times of his visit to the the very same hospital (University Hospital) for whole body checkups, never once have the doctor(s) ever mentioned that he had a heart problem. The same goes for the reason of his admittance to the hospital 1 week before.

The night before he passed away, he was transfered to the heart specialist section for better treatment, an area called CCU some sort like ICU (Intensive Care Unit). When i went to visit him on, a doctor was treating him and did not allow me into the room to have a look at him. I was told to wait outside and the doctor would explain his condition to me after he had finished his checkup on him. From time to time i do sneak by the room and peek to see what is going on.

After quite a long wait, the nurse with the doctor called for more doctor's help. Being informed by my wife that my FIL was not in any sort of dangerous condition, i did not pay much attention but i still went to peek into the room with more curiousity as to what is going on. A doctor inside ordered a nurse to close the door on me. Another half hour passed before i was informed that my FIL had passed away. I was absolutely stumped to be informed of that.

My mind really went blank. How could this happen??? I just heard his voice from outside not too long ago. I even had to be reminded by the doctor that i must inform the family members. Nobody else was there because no one was informed that he may pass away at any time. I called my wife first and she screamed out at the top of her lungs, i was very afraid that she might have fainted there and then. Then her tears were flowing already and i confirmed with her that her father have passed away. She said she will inform her mother. I called my own mom, quite a similar reaction i would say minus the shouting that is.

The doctor kept on pestering me, asking me what do i want to know. Either this doctor wants to show off his knowledge or trying to cover up his mistake or perhaps trying to avoid a lawsuit. I can't think of anything so what the hell am i supposed to know what must i ask?

Sighz, the funeral was very messy and many customs/tradition to follow. I would like to thank all those who helped out in the whole process. He was cremated on Monday (15/1/2007) and is placed at Fairy Park, Meru (falls under Klang district)

A place for the placement of his ashes where the size is about 1.5 x 1 x 1 (in feet, width x height x depth) cost almost 6k. It was of course a double 'room' for future purposes. Not a bad place, peaceful, with a good number i might add, J8. May he rest in peace after ending his suffering for almost half a decade. My MIL (Mother-in-law) told me that he never recovered from an incident when he was younger as a fisherman, from the description it seems to be pneumonia, coupled with his heavy smoking habit.

I may not be a devote, but may He shine and take care of him under his care.

Thinking back ....................

Sometimes our memories will flash back into our mind when we least expect it to. Well it happened to me just a few days ago.

Im sure we all have fond/good memories of our past. What came back on my mind was so sudden it really did caught me off guard. The time i held a girl's. How it felt, the feeling of not wanting to let go because it was such a great feeling, the sweat, and the surprising smell that is there. Thinking back i was perhaps the foolish one to say it was stupid/idiotic to not wash your hand after shaking hands with your idol or etc. Why? Because for me, that smell that was left behind was something that no perfume can match, well i hate perfumes anyways. Its really hard to describe, its sweet, its aromatic, made me had a feeling that i really don't want to wash it away. But then again, if i don't wash it, it may get smelly and i may not have the chance for another hand holding session LOL.

It was really an experience which i will not forget but sadly, it was also something which did not happen again. Perhaps it was really just my imagination or just a strange virgin feeling from that first time experience. I did however enjoyed my time and learned quite a few things from the hand holding sessions. No im not gonna reveal it, go experience it yourself :p

Of course there must be progress than just holding hands. Perhaps because i was again a virgin when it comes to kissing. I swear to God (if there really is One), the taste was sweet, i mean really like sugar but not overly sweet, just perfect. It was really and eye opener though it was quite rude to open your eyes so wide during kissing :p. Another thing which could not replicated, kinda sad and strange why good things don't always happen. But if everything was like the first time then you will not have the same appreciation nor have these kind of memories right?

The more i dwell into these memories the more i could not sleep. I was stupid enough to put my hand in front of my nose to see if i could relive those experiences, but of course it did not smell like anything. Crazy thoughts filled my mind and wasting my sleep time since i don't get much sleep time anymore as i have to wake up early to go to work now. Something like how the saying goes, "You leave house before the sun rises and only returns when the sun is set". Kinda pathetic and unfair to my young family. There is no use in dwelling in the past, i have beautiful wife and son to enjoy my life now, why not create more good memories so that i can relive them when im more free in the future :p

Memories are to be relived not to live in :)

Reality Checked Me

On Friday, i had a sudden reality check again and really felt that i was getting too old and cannot keep up with the youngsters. This time it was about a game, DotA (Defend of the Ancients). I played this game with my colleague. He showed me around the game, which character to choose, what to buy, where to go etc. So after a few minutes, i found myself to lost because i don't really know what to do.

So i decided to do some read up like what and how i did when i started to play Warcraft. Found tactics and guides i did but understand them i could not. All those terms used were beyond my comprehension. Perhaps its because im still relatively new to the game.

Try as i may but because i have not keep with the game and therefore many terms used were really alien to me. Trying to just understand 1 guide (a general one at that) was beyond what my tired brain could take after another crazy day at the office.

Sighz, though my age don't show it but i feel really old and hopeless like those always reported by really old people. If my PC was still working perhaps i could play more of the game to get myself updated again. I was pretty good when i played Warcraft but now with work and a kid, not to mention a dead PC which cut me off my supply of games :(

Hope that i can get enough funds to get a new PC come the New Year. According to those astrological books my luck seems to quite OK next lunar new year so i better make the most of it!

Wish me luck

So damn slow ...

The undersea cables which connects SEA with the rest of the world it seems was damaged in a series of earthquakes in Taiwan. The Internet was so slow that i could not even go into my dashboard to make a post. So here i am to make up for it.

After my visit to the dentist, that very night, the teeth near the patched up begin to ache as well. Talk about psychological effects. Sighz i think i will need to pay a visit to a dentist AGAIN because when i felt around with my tongue there seems to be holes or pinches of pain.

I can't have the chocolates that my sister gave me as Christmas presents. T.T

Today has been a lousy and busy day. Not to mention a no money day ...........

I started out forgetting to bring extra cash to go to the dentist. My wisdom tooth is now causing me problems. The dentist said that there is hole now :( I had to pay the fee with borrowed money from a colleague. While waiting my turn to see the dentist, my sister SMS-ed me to say that wants me to buy bus tickets. Since its on my way back to office so i thought to myself i will go after my session with the dentist. But as usual the forgetful me just walked past the big building called bus station :x

Then i decided to mend my shoe since there is now a hole in it :x So during lunch hour i went to seek a cobbler to mend my shoes while i go look for a place to have mee goreng. So in my mind i thought that i can go to a roadside mamak where they usually give big portions. To my disappointment, it was closed. Perhaps the owner is Christian or he is expecting that there will not be too many customers today. So i had to settle for another un-tried shop. I took my lunch with my usual pace which is fast. So by the time i was done, it was not even 15 minutes. So obviously the cobbler won't be done so fast. So i tried to loaf at the shop but with a boring show i could only stand 10 or 15 minutes more. During this time, it occured to me that i forgot to get tickets for my sister. So i went back to the cobbler place hoping that he would be done.

As what i had in mind, the cobbler was not done so now i have to loaf around standing. The cobbler asked me, "You are done with your lunch already???" with an annoyed face. I blushed when answered him. So standing around trying to not be a statue or a nuisance blocking the walkway i looked left and right and left and right to see where else can i go to not like pressure the old cobbler. Finally i spotted a fruit stall to buy a pack of pineapples which i consumed rather fast again, damn my eating habit sucks when i need to kill time ...........

After i finished the pineapple, i told the old man that i wanted to go away to get the forgotten tickets and return later but he told me that it would only take a while more. Then i scoured around again to see what else i can kill my time with. Then i noticed those replacement heels, and i poked at them to see if they were any softer compared to mine since i always felt that my shoes heels were too hard. He told me that all heels are roughly the same, then i told him my experience. He quickly said that if he added some rubber soles it would be softer and before i could answer him he had already started to cut the soles according to the shoes' heels. I thought to myself what the heck how much would that cost while sweating since i only had about RM20 left in my wallet. Im cursing my forgetfulness again.

When my shoes were done, i grabbed them and put it into a plastic bag thinking that it needs to dry more before some me using them again. I almost left without paying *sweat* by just saying "Em koi", but luckily i came to my senses and asked how much it cost. RM15 poorer and short of money to buy tickets i had to return to office to borrow more money :( Why not withdraw from the ATM? Because this month's limit is up, and my colleague won't charge me any interest :p

So with a thick face i went and borrow more money from my colleague and went about the business of buying tickets. On the way down to the escalator (outside the building), i again remembered another forgotten task, i need to mail some letters. Dang what is wrong with me today :x Sighz not wanting to go up again just to collect some mail so i went ahead and bought the tickets.

Now i hope by the time i leave office, i will remember to bring the mail along to put it into the postbox.

Grrrrrrrrrr that is just my personal things, again the servers plan to take an extra holiday or something. This time its the testing servers. They just refuse to talk to each other quite similar to the one last week but another type. Why do things always go against you when you need to settle them ASAP? Reminds me of the saying, "The whole world is against me". 1 whole day later, the problem is still not solved, intranet don't have any firewall so what the heck is wrong with this stupid server!!! Remember my enhancement that needs to be in production by New Year, the task that im stuck with is essential to testing................

I can't think anymore because i suspect my teeth situation is not settled yet, the teeth next the one repaired this morning is starting to hurt.

Sighz what a lousy day.