Refused to be forgotten ...

I have written about this years ago but somehow today I was reminded again of this. My only comment would be, "I may have accepted the fact but forget you I cannot, will I ever?".

This has perhaps been one of the few toughest struggles that I had to go through. The material needs are nothing compared to what bothersome headaches and heartaches you have caused me over and over again but yet again and again I yearn for more. Nobody will understand this better than those who are going through it. Perhaps only those who are really looking can see into what that person is going through. 1 hand is more than enough to count those who possess such magic.

Bye Bye Tiger

If anyone had noticed, I have long removed my list of wishlist and a couple of things happened. This is one of it and the thing is, I feel exactly the way my friend told me she felt when she tendered her resignation. I was happy until that very moment when I had to go and face my bosses. I know it can be as simple as a chat but it turned out to be more than that.

To be honest, I tried to put in my resignation last year but I retracted it after my boss promised me that I would be promoted. After a 6 month's wait, I did get my promotion BUT to my shock, my bonus was 1 month short and after some digging around, I found out that it was my boss that made that cut. I think it really did infuriate me and made me more unhappy.

According to my zodiac sign predictions, this year is a good year to make a career change and I will get some help especially from females. The strange thing is that my new boss is a guy and the HR manager who called me was also a guy. Oh well, perhaps there are forces at work which I do not see for the time being.

Before tendering, I talked to a headhunter friend of mine, asking him for advice if my move is a advisable. Perhaps I just needed a little more assurance but he did give his thumbs up and I went and did what I did today. I put on a defensive posture and was frank with what I had to say but as expected, things are not as what they seem. I got a curse (some may call it friendly advice) that "1 day I will have to face up to the situations that my boss is facing now and then I will be in her shoes".

The last thing I heard her say before I left the room was that she had already signed and accepted my letter even before this session. I am sure that we are all disappointed to part ways like this but I have always wanted to see a different side of things and a chance is knocking at my door now. I definitely have a lot of things that are not perceived as good traits but to learn from experience is the fastest and most effective way to be better.

How would you like to be treated?

At work, who should your boss believe if there is an incident without knowing a single detail? The staff or the outsider?

As a team, you would expect that the boss be on your side or at the very least willing to listen to the staff or even go and find out the facts. So with some idea then only you can go around pointing fingers or give a smackdown to the party at fault.

The worst kind would of course be to fault the staff then hear the staff defend using facts. Something like "guilty until proven innocent",

By now you should know where I am getting at ... Yes, I was fed a dead cat and thankfully I have my immediate superior to help me out a little. Things have been getting from bad to worse at work. Initially it was just doing more and more work but you will never get the recognition now, you will just get more work and be told that you are not doing good enough!

If its just 1 person who is saying this then the most likely person who is wrong would be me BUT the fact of the matter is that my whole team is of the same opinion. So what my boss is doing is running is a ship full of more and more grumpy staff who are overworked and getting scolded.

If I am really wrong, I will definitely accept the punishment but to be executed even before knowing the fact is ... downright stupid. Good luck in trying to keep the team but some of team cannot leave due to various reasons so for the others, there will most likely be some action. I know I am dead serious about my next move.

Oh yes, I am innocent in the incident and there are more than 1 fact to support it. So mlm mlm to you!

Putting an end to a very long outstanding issue

I am of the view that the person who started something should be the person who puts an end to it. Somehow or rather things just went on silent but I suppose we both did get some consultations. After delaying my decision for quite some time, I really had to put a stop to it and I sent my intention via SMS.

Yes, I am sorry my dear friend, I did not keep my promise to settle it last year. I am now very determined to get it completed this year. I know you will message me once you read this, IF you still read my entries that is but it does not matter because I will update you as I have promised once its done :)

Interestingly this year, I want to make a number of changes and this was not the first but I am cutting down the list of long outstanding wishes. Some I have put a lot of effort into and some I am just plain lazy to get it done. I have been stuck for too long and I want to change it.

Seems like I am quite in the mood for a change just like many others who wants a change in the coming election =)

Drive from KL to Phuket

"Did you say drive???", that was the question that most people asked me when I told them about my plan. It was actually quite an impromptu decision. I was at my aunt's house and they were all talking about going places via land transport to many many places and it just suddenly struck me that I too wanted to drive somewhere as a family outing. I have wanted for quite some time to make a passport for my son and now with this decision, I will just follow through and in future, travel plans may include other countries :)

Since it was a snap decision and with just around 1 week of research and close to no planning, it was like any unplanned things, not so well executed but yet its not that bad either :) Its just the sort of things that I want to do, I seriously do not like to wait too long for a trip to happen and it really shows for my few recent trips.

OK, so for n00bs like your's truly, its of course a little internet research and a little experimentation here and there. So to help you out IF you have the same crazy idea to drive to Thailand, you will need :

1) A car/MPV or whatever that you drive DUH! Make sure its in a good condition ... not to forget about your spare tyre
2) Car registration card or most people call it geran, I would recommend for you to bring the real thing instead of photocopy since the wordings might be blur on the photocopy version.
3)Touch N' Go or Smart Tag, the latter being the better option, this is to avoid the long queues
4) Water, at least for the journey of 100km into Thailand.
5) GPS or smartphone with GPS + Thailand map
6) More than 1 driver in the car, just in case the driver gets too tired (optional)

The drive up north is pretty simple, just get on the PLUS highway and zoom towards Bukit Kayu Hitam. If you have item 5, its best to have Waze to help you avoid speeding summons. There are a number of road signs that says Speed Camera Operation area. If you are an observant driver, you will notice that only the signs with yellow background will have the cameras :p but its best to follow the speed limit in those area for at the very least 2km. Like any system, there is actually a tolerance for speeding. I have been zooming at 115kmph for many years and only late last year got a ticket for speeding on a trunk road =_=, going 110kmph in an 80kmph zone. Nature breaks along the way is a good chance to straighten your back and legs, perhaps for you to have something to eat too.

If you are a law abiding driver, you should pass the last toll about 5 hours from when you start the journey, breaks included of course. I was a little relieved that I do not have to pay a toll in Ipoh like the old days where it may be a little jam just before you go uphill. Again, if you are observant enough you will notice some strange place names =D

After paying the last toll, you will pass by a place called Changlun, please stop speeding here and this is the time for you to look for a gas station and fill up to the extreme max. Also, you will have to stop at the many shops which sells Thailand car insurance. The last shop is a place called CTC, since you are not speeding, you should see the red sign and its like a bus terminal with food court. I bought my insurance for RM15 which lasts 9 days. Please do check the details before paying. For those of you who have not changed your money to baht, this place also offers good rates.

Passing the Malaysian immigration is easy as 123. Just show them your passport and you are in. They might just want to have a look if everybody is in the car but other than that its nothing.

Not long after this CTC place, you will find ...

 Bukit Kayu Hitam Immigration Complex

Just before you get into the shade of this complex, take a left into the parking area next to the complex. Bring your car registration card along with your passport and a pen. If you don't have the immigration card yet, you may get some at the office next to the toilet. For those of you who don't have a pen, you might just have to enlist the assistance of people who will help you fill in the immigration card for a fee. There are a couple of counters so just line up with the immigration card filled up on both the entry and exit portion. Drivers, you use a special lane where cars can pass by. First get your customs clearance and with your car registration card, you will be issued an import permit for your car to be driven into Thailand. Since its your first time, you will be charged with RM5. Go get your car and pass it to the counter next to custom's counter, the officer will need to see your car before signing off the form. Once that is done, you are in!

Upon driving by the gas stations, you will notice that there are a couple of prices for petrol, in Thailand they have RON91 and RON95. To be on the safe side, I pumped the second most expensive RON95 gasohol. What I can say is that my car ran upwards of 1,000km on them and I still drove it back to KL so it should be good enough for your car. Oh btw, the prices you see displayed are in accordance to real world prices so if you see a good rate, I suggest you fill up :) At the time of writing this post, the price is double of what we are paying so enjoice the real world :p

Now about Thai drivers, they can be a bitch. Doesn't matter what kind of vehicle they use, there is no fast lane ... You will see some assholes hogging the fast lane with miles of open road in front of them and they don't have a rear view mirror. What I had to do was to overtake on the left (the supposed slow lane). Thankfully most roads have 2 lanes so you life is not so miserable. On roads with just 1 lane, you better know what your car is capable of unless you can stand to not overtake. Overtaking trucks/vans can be a nightmare, straight roads would be places where most drivers will be comfortable in overtaking BUT a straight road is also where most people tend to speed up. So imagine going at around 100kmph but you want to overtake a truck/van, when you reach a place which you are comfortable to overtake, you will find that the truck/van will speed up and you better have enough pickup in your car to go faster than them else you will be stuck behind them again. That being said, the road is wide enough to handle the width of 3 cars so if they are kind enough, they will give you a little more space and so will the oncoming car.

You need a lot of focus on the road because their highway is unlike our's whereby its like a trunk road but 2 lanes so there will be other vehicles which will want to make turns or U-turns, so just keep an eye out and always be on alert. Often times the major routes are straight as far as the eye can see.Not really that great for speeding because its not too flat so I always maintained 110kmph or so which is above the speed limit of 80kmph.

Parking in the major cities might be a problem because there isn't much parking space. So just do what the locals do and hopefully you won't be so lucky to pick up a summons :p Anyways, I overtook the police at quite a high speed and was not stopped so perhaps they will be a lenient with visitors =D

Most guides end here but I think I will also elaborate a little on leaving. So once you have had your fun in Thailand and its time to go home, you will pass by the same immigration complex. To save time, I would recommend that you drive your car straight up to the counter and go through customs there. Remember to pay RM1 to the officer, not really sure what is it for though but they will definitely ask for it. Once the human process is done, the next counter will be for your car. So hand over the import form to the counter next to the human counter and show the officer your car and you are done.

For people who wants to buy duty free goods, don't miss the duty free shop on your right. Its in the middle of the 2 immigration complexes. Parking is free if you buy RM200 worth of stuff, perfumes and some other things are excluded from that free parking T&C so go buy an expensive bottle of liquor or get loads of chocolates.

As for the Malaysian immigration complex, same as entry, just let them check your passport and the next counter is intriguing, its a toll booth =_=" The fee is RM3.60, you may pay via Touch N' Go or cash. Next counter will be the customs. If you have spent more than 3 nights in Thailand, you will pass by with not much problem especially if you are traveling with a family. I should have snuck a big bottle of liquor (2 litres and up) because the officer just asked me to pop the bonnet and have a quick look without even touching anything.

So that's my brief summary of driving to Thailand. Enjoy your trip :)

Edit for extra notes :
Depending on where you go, some places like the big buddha temple in Phuket might be a challenge for not so powerful cars. The gradient is marked as 10% but its actually steeper than the upper reaches of Genting. In one of the sections, I had to drop back to gear 1 ...

Checklist for love? Or checklist for the perfect partner?

First off, I don't have the capacity to come up with the below BUT I do have something similar in my head. Yes, often times we are all 'distracted' by 1 or 2 of the qualities, as explained, its only human to err. I'm sure most people can relate in some ways and perhaps you have your own criteria as do all of us :) 

Perhaps not as lucky as this person, I have been in a very similar situation with a very different result. Interestingly, although very difficult initially, I overcame my grief and went on after getting some much needed help (you know who you are =D). This was also explained by Matt except for the getting help part :p You learn from your past and that should enrich your experience and knowledge on what you need or want, more importantly what to avoid :)

You might want to grab a chair and make some tea/coffee, its a long one XD

Copied from here

The phone rang.

She was sobbing badly on the other end of the line.

“I’m going over,” I told her and hung up before she could protest.

1am. It was going to be a long night ahead..

She was still crying when she opened the door. She looked so broken, so vulnerable. I didn’t have to know what was wrong, I just held her in my arms. She cried even more.

“He broke up with me,” she finally said.

I just kept quiet as she let it all out.. questions, tears, anger, hurt.

“Why does love have to hurt so much?”

“No, love.. doesn’t hurt,” I said gently.

“So says the guy who’s been single forever? What would you know about love,” she jabbed.

“So says the guy who’s been your friend though Mr now-ex-#4,” I grinned. “Love doesn’t hurt you.. it’s the person that doesn’t know how to love or appreciate love that hurts you. But love never hurts,”.

“You won’t understand, Matt,” she sighed, “you’ve never been in love…”

“That’s not entirely true, you know..”

“Wait what- so who’s this girl I’ve never heard abou-“

“What did you love about #4 anyway?” I interjected.

“I don’t know… he is just perfect. And I love him so much,”

“But you don’t know what it is that you love about him?”

“It’s just.. the feeling when I’m with him. It always felt right with him. He made me feel loved and I loved him too,”

“That’s it? Just a feeling?”

“Well.. yea. What were you expecting me to say?”

“.. something more specific, maybe? I mean, if you thought he’s so ‘perfect’, why’d he still chea- erm, why’d he leave you?”

“Because I’m just not good enough for him? I don’t know..” she paused. “What is love to you then…”

“Hmm.. to me, being together or in love with someone should be more that just a feeling.. it should also be about mutual understanding, acceptance, respect, commitment and trust.”

“That’s what all couples would hope and want their relationship to be like, Matt. But expectations and reality don’t always go together..”

“Or maybe.. someone’s just not trying?”

“Well if you think love is so simple.. why haven’t you been with anyone all these years?”

“I never said love was simple.. but I guess the reason why I’ve never been with anyone yet is because.. I already know exactly what I want,”

“You have.. a checklist?”

“Sorta. It’s not the typical kinda ‘I’d like a girl with long hair, nice smile, etc’ superficial checklist though,”

“Oh. What kind of list is it then?”

“It’s like.. a concept of love. Of what it is about a girl that will make me fall completely in love with her. A concept that has more than three specific reasons that would answer any question as to why I love her.”

“You have a concept of love?” she laughed. “Love isn’t a theory, Matt.. you can’t just classify love by a concept or definition, you simply feel it with your heart..”

“But you see.. the reason why I think there are so many broken hearts, is because people merely jump into a relationship when their heart feels a certain something towards someone. But I don’t think that’s love, that’s merely an infatuation. Personally, I believe there are more than three reasons and aspects that actually determines whether we really are truly in love beyond the superficial ‘I don’t know why I love him/her.. I just do’ reason,”

“That makes sense. So what exactly is this.. ‘concept’ of yours about?” she asked, genuine curiosity replacing her initial skepticism.

“I call it the 4+1 theory. The aspects that will determine if it’s true love or just a fickle infatuation. It’s based on this idea that whenever we like someone, if we really go deeper into what is it that draws us to him or her, we’d be able to find that one specific reason. That’s not love though. That’s merely an attraction or infatuation. But when more than three of the aspects from this theory are present, you’ll be pretty sure that it’s more than just a feeling. For me personally, this determines if I’ll ever fall in love with a girl…”

Mind. Heart. Body. Soul.

The mind aspect, to put it simply, is her intellect. But I don’t mean the academic smarts.. it’s the way she thinks, processes and analyzes things way beyond a shallow self centeredness. It’s the way she puts across her thoughts, not for winning an argument’s sake, but to really try to understand or even sensibly debate opposing views that might leave anyone reflecting on her words or challenge me to think differently. It’s the way she carries herself off with an aura of sophistication and enigmatic charm and no matter how much I might think I already know her or have her figured out, she’ll still surprise me with something unexpected. Good surprise. I like intellect. Personally, it takes a little more to intrigue me and stimulate my senses. If I can connect with someone and talk endlessly about the concept of nothing, then, only then, will we be able to talk about everything else.. and I think that’s incredibly alluring,”

“Ooh.. so my best friend’s sapiosexual too,” she teased. “But what about her likes and dislikes or like her personality.. does that go under the mind aspect too?”

“Well, that’s where the heart aspect comes in. The heart represents who she is by what she values or cares about. The things she likes, the things she dislikes. What really matters to her, as well as her insecurities and fears..”

She bit her lower lip - thinking. “But what if him knowing about my past and all my insecurities scares him or drives him away? Or what if he ever uses all of these against me if someday things go bad between us?”

“Erm.. you do realize that it doesn’t really matter now because whether or not he ever knew, he already chose to leave you right? But.. if he still or ever tries to hurt you in any way, then he is a fucking bastard and I will punch his face,”. I really meant it.

“I don’t think he even cares about me anymore,” she sighed, “maybe he never really did.. we were so.. different. I don’t know why I never actually realize it before,”

“Maybe because then, you were too ‘blinded by love’ to see, or you chose to conveniently ignore the differences. Honestly though, I think it’s critical for two people to understand each other’s heart and learn to accommodate each other’s differences rather than simply turning a blind eye or deaf ear ‘because I love him and that’s all that matters’. Because if two people are too different in the way they think, behave or live.. I reckon it will become a huge problem when the infatuation bubble bursts.”

“I don’t really understand..” she said.

“Let me just ask you this.. does he know how passionate you are towards the arts and music?"

“Well, no.. not really. He’s more the sports kind of guy and doesn’t like theatre and stuff so I didn’t want him to get bored if I talked to him about things he isn’t interested in..”

“Then i’m guessing he probably also doesn’t care or know the little things about you. Like how you’re afraid of the dark and why you’re actually scared of darkness.. how family and relationships are really important to you.. that ice cream is your happy pill. You know, I’m even going to bet that he doesn’t know you go to bed every night, clutching your phone just hoping and waiting for him to text you goodnight..”

She started to tear again, but I continued..

“You see, it’s not a matter of whether it bores him or not.. it’s a matter of whether he bothers or not. I mean, if he doesn’t even know these things about you, then he really doesn’t know you at all. How then can he say he loves you?”

“But I really loved him,” she murmured softly to herself .

“I know you did. I know you still do and it’s hurting you like shit. But you need to know that for any kind of relationship to work.. two people need to give and take. Sadly, with him, it seems like you’re the one who was always giving. If he actually really loved you back as much, he’d make a greater effort to close the gap and bridge the differences between you two. He’d want to hear what you have to say, he would actually consider your opinions, your needs and your feelings. He’ll not just tell you or text you that he loves you.. he’ll show it by the things he will do or be willing to do no matter how inconvenient or silly it might be, just because.. he knows it’ll make you happier or better. To me, when it comes to a relationship, the heart aspect isn’t just a feeling or who you/he or she is anymore. It becomes two hearts beating as one. Two people wanting to understand each other.. sharing the good, the bad and possibly a future together; actually bothering and supporting each other’s feelings, values, dreams, thoughts, emotions,”

She stayed silent for a long while before she looked up, holding my gaze.. there was this unspoken tension building before she finally spoke again.

“But.. what if something that’s important to me, is not something the guy might feel same way about?"

“Then I’ll try-” I caught myself. “I mean, if I were him. I’d try. I’d make the effort.. because it’s important to you and you’re important to me,”

She remained silent again. She wasn’t crying anymore but this time, the prolonged silence was starting to grow even more deafening.

“Matt,” she finally spoke - softly, “do you believe in love at first sight?”

“No.” I said flatly.

“Oh..” she sighed. “You know what you said about mind and heart.. it’s actually starting to sink in and I’m beginning to realize that maybe these two aspects weren’t exactly a big part of my relationship with him,”

“So what made you fall in love with him then?”

“Well.. don’t laugh, but I’ve always thought that with him, it was love at first sight. I mean, there was just this spark between us from the very first time we met,”

“Cos he was hot?” I scoffed.

“No.. don’t be an idiot,” she tried to hide her smile but failed. I rolled my eyes. “Okay fine, yea maybe that. But it wasn’t the only reason!”

I raised an eyebrow.

“He was really nice too! And he was always sweet to me,“ she began her defense case. “He always made me feel happy, secure and loved without even having to try, you know?” I just continued staring at her waiting for her to go on. “Oh never mind, you’d never understand..”

“Actually.. I do. And I think I now understand what it was that made you fall in love with him.

The body aspect.

The body aspect is about physical attraction, intimacy and presence.

I don’t believe in love at first sight. I don’t believe you can just “instantly know” you’re in love or that someone’s THE one just by “first sight”. No offense, but I think the whole love at first sight concept is bullshit that only exists in movies and fairy tales. In reality, it isn’t love. That very first attraction.. is probably lust. Lust at first sight”.

“What nonsense! It’s not like I was lusting over him from the very first time I laid eyes on him! Maybe it’s the case for guys.. I mean, sex is always on a guy’s mind whenever he meets a girl right? But it’s different for girls, Matt..” she protested.

“Okay. You know what.. since you brought up the age-old guys and sex debate, I’ll tell you this secret to clarify something about guys for the first and last time.. probably 99% of guys are naturally sexual. If you ever meet any guy who tells you he isn’t sexual at all, it’s not that he’s gay – no, gays are even more horny .. he’s likely to be a liar and you should be more wary of him. BUT! Here’s the thing.. even though guys are sexual by nature, it isn’t always the only or most important thing to a guy,”

“Really?” now she raised her eyebrow with that annoying smirk on her face.

“Oh come on, you girls know how it is, plus you aren’t exactly saint-like innocent either.. sometimes you see a hot guy and you start fantasizing or making statements like ‘omg have my babies’..”

“That…” she started blushing.

“That.. is exactly my point. It’s the same with guys. We might talk and think about sex a lot more openly than girls but it isn’t always the only thing on our mind. When I said it’s lust at first sight.. I didn’t literally mean you want the guy naked and in bed. What I meant is the momentary attraction or desire– he might be hot, he might be charming, he might have smiled at you that made you feel a certain way.. but that’s not love. That’s really just a superficial physical attraction. Saying “I’m in love” right there and then just completely takes the special meaning out of the word ‘love’. If you ask me, I personally think the process of loving or falling in love with someone involves discovering the person and then perhaps developing feelings. It could happen quickly or over a longer period of time, but not at first sight,”

“Hmm.. that does make sense,” she paused and then her lips curled up forming that annoying smirk again. “Oh wow, this is the first time you and I are talking about sex huh..”.

“You never asked..”

“Tell me then.. what is sex to you?”

“Sex.. to me, is merely a physical act. I am not part of the whole “sex is sacred/taboo” camp but then, I don’t take sides with the whole bed hopping culture either,”

“I can’t believe you just said that sex is merely a physical act..” she began in a disappointed tone.

“But sex really is just a physical act if it’s without emotions or feelings. And that is why I distinguish between sex and making love, the same way I clearly differentiate ‘loving’ and ‘being in love’ with someone,”

“Oh.” this time, she smiled. She understood.

“Don’t get me wrong.. I think physical intimacy is very important in a relationship but for me, the one physical aspect that matters the most.. is the physical presence. That, is also what I reckon made you fall in love with him.

“Okay this, I really want to know…” she said.

“The physical presence is simply being there. You want him to be with you. You want to be there for him. Because just being there with or for each other makes your day, or you as a person, a little better. You may act or behave a little different when you’re with him, but in a good way – in a way that you actually feel completely comfortable, safe and you. Perhaps even without you knowing, you smile more and laugh harder. You feel real, genuine joy. And even on days when the smile can’t happen, you know you don’t have to pretend to be okay or be self conscious in front of him; because its perfectly okay to be the way you are and feel when you’re with him. He cares about you and you feel loved when you’re with him. Sometimes, there are no need for words or explanations.. just his presence, him being there for you, holding you.. makes you feel better or believe that it’s going to be okay again. Because you’re not just holding on to someone for attention or sympathy.. you actually feel and believe that you’re holding on to a part of or the rest of your life..”

Which leads to the fourth aspect – soul.

The soul aspect to me, is the deepest form and the final affirmation that should answer any remaining doubt or questions as to whether we’ve truly fallen in love with a person.

It’s when you start noticing but still appreciate all the other little things, even the flaws - especially the flaws. It’s when you truly know a person stripped down of all their walls, exposed to their soul and yet still accept and love him or her. It’s a level of understanding and acceptance that goes beyond the “honeymoon everything is perfect” period.

It’s when you finally realize this one person is someone you can always and want to tell everything to, and you want to ask and know everything of him or her as well. It’s when you actually want to share your life and trust your secrets with this person; and you can. This someone is the first person you think of when you’re happy, sad or when something significant happens. This same person is someone you can call at 1am in the morning and they’d drop everything to make time for you, staying by you till the sun rises or you’re better again - as you would for him or her as well. This person cares and will listen. Will really listen, giving you their undivided attention and genuine love; not necessarily every time but any time you need him or her. This one person makes your problem their problem and they go through it together with you just so you don’t have to go through the pain and tears alone,”

It was at this moment, for the very first time, she looked at me in a different way but said nothing.

“You see, the soul aspect..” I continued, “is when you start to see and want to share the rest of your life with this one other. And not in a clingy “I can’t live without you” way, but in a way that I can still live my life without you as I have before I met you, but now that you’ve come to exist in my life, I see the possibility of a life with you and now I actually want to make decisions and live a life, continuing to create more moments and memories together with you”.

“Well.. so.. have you met this one person yet? I mean, I’m sure it’s almost impossible to find that ‘perfect’ girl who fulfills all of your four aspects of love right?” she mumbled. I could barely hear her. She wasn’t even looking at me anymore.

“No, it is not impossible and I don’t think its asking for too much. You see the thing about these four aspects is, we often and will find one or two aspects in many different people. And that alone may be enough to make us attracted to them or develop a crush on them. But really, that is not love at all. If we like a person because “he’s cute” or “the way she thinks”, that’s just us liking the body and/or mind aspect of a person. The reality is, we are always going to meet many people who possess these different aspects of mind, heart, body or soul. But on a rare occasion when you do meet someone who possess all these four aspects.. you’ll almost definitely know that he or she is not one of many but may just be the one. So personally, I won’t settle for anything less unless she possess more than three qualities. You know people write the symbol of love as < 3 (less than three), I actually think love should be more than three.. I define it as 4+1. “

“So what’s plus one?” she asked, still not looking at me.

“Plus one…” I trailed off – unconsciously.

“Matt?” she placed her hand on top of mine, finally looking me in eye again.

“Plus one.. is something only the one who's meant to be will ever know and hold the answer to”.



end.

Thumbs up for the effort :

Update on 3rd March 2013:

Hello to you who might be reading/following this.. thank you for reading and your patience as I wrote this story.

This is actually my experimentation to a different style of writing (I am not a writer by profession/ i'm not from an "educated" literature background either); in a way, this was written as a reflection of reality and a confession of sorts.

For those of you who can relate or like this way of writing, I thank you for your time, comments, for liking and sharing. I do appreciate it. It actually kept me writing when I wanted to abandon the story.

So thank you, sincerely.

Perhaps I will write something of similar nature again someday; if you'd like to read my future writing, you can follow me if you want to and when I do.


Love,
Matthew Zachary Liu

FAITH ...

Just the other day, heck its almost everyday now that this topic is being brought up at my workplace. I was *ahem* discussing about GOD with my colleagues with roughly the same arguments as below. I think the below can provide takeaway for both believers and non-believers, I will still remain "accountless" :p

Professor : You are a Christian, aren’t you, son ?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, you believe in GOD ?

Student : Absolutely, sir.

Professor : Is GOD good ?

Student : Sure.

Professor: Is GOD all powerful ?

Student : Yes.

Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student was silent.)

Professor: You can’t answer, can you ? Let’s start again, young fella. Is GOD good?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Is satan good ?

Student : No.

Professor: Where does satan come from ?

Student : From … GOD …

Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?

Student : Yes.

Professor: So who created evil ?

(Student did not answer.)

Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, who created them ?

(Student had no answer.)

Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?

Student : No, sir.

Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?

Student : No , sir.

Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?

Student : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.

Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student : Yes.

Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.

Professor: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Professor: Yes.

Student : And is there such a thing as cold?

Professor: Yes.

Student : No, sir. There isn’t.

(The lecture theater became very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)

Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?

Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, well you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?

Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man ?

Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Professor: Flawed ? Can you explain how?

Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.

Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Professor: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)

Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class was in uproar.)

Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?

(The class broke out into laughter. )

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.

Student : That is it sir … Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.

P.S.

I believe you have enjoyed the conversation. And if so, you’ll probably want your friends / colleagues to enjoy the same, won’t you?

Forward this to increase their knowledge … or FAITH.

My arguments :


1) There is a real scenario whereby Darwin's so called theory was witnessed in a person's lifetime. Perhaps there are more but we are not looking correctly or you need many many lifetime to prove this change.
2) If GOD is so great then why are there so many version of HIM/HER/IT? To create confusion, to test your FAITH? OK you win.
3) The dumbest thing in my mind about GOD is that he created evil, bad things, suffering etc. Why the fuck would this GREAT GOD create those things??? HE/SHE/IT must be so full HIMSELF/HERSELF/ITSELF that you MUST believe in HIM/HER/IT that if you are able to overcome such adversities, you will be able to enter Heaven.
4) There are numerous ways to clear ones' sins, the easiest of which is to just to believe. The other just requires a little more money and you are purged of your sins as well just by repeating what a prophet did many decades ago. Another is to meditate and/or follow some rituals which will enlighten you and thus allow you to be promoted into Heaven. ALL puns intended.
5) HEAVEN, or HELL for that matter must be so full of occupants that both will reject new residents, exception to this would be religions that have continuum ie one will be reborn. The downside to this is that why are there more and more humans? Of course the counter argument that I can think of would be that we have destroyed sp many other lifeforms and thus they are becoming us to take revenge? Perhaps I have not been taking into account of plankton of which their numbers have yet to be or should I say cannot be estimated, so the balance of how many lives that are maintained is still intact ... hmm ...


I am not really "attacking" any religion per say but at the same time I am actually taking a swipe at major religions altogether. I think I better stop here so I can get my sleep