Nike lar!

For those who have caught my strange behavior have tried to console me and try to give me very sound advices but perhaps i have made up my mind or even have not the confidence nor spirit to carry out what is in my mind. A very long winded chat spawned from my status update, with what cannot be considered as crazy advice is as follows :

[14:50] R: wat so stupid?
[14:55] Lawsh: sigh
[14:56] R: was that the answer???
[14:57] Lawsh: answer to?
[14:58] R: wat so stupid?
[14:58] Lawsh: thinking vs feeling
[15:01] R: too chim for me liau
[15:01] Lawsh: its my rant mar
[15:01] Lawsh: doesn't have to be understood
[15:02] Lawsh: for the time being, i can't even understand myself
[15:02] R: for me always go with feeling
[15:02] R: dun think too much
[15:02] R: if you feel it is the right thing, or if you feel you want to do this then just do
[15:03] Lawsh: haha as an adult you should know that that is not the way to go
[15:04] R: aiyo, you feel most happy without probs when you are a kid ma
[15:04] R: so why change?
[15:05] Lawsh: because education killed me?
[15:05] R: no, cos you think too much when you grow older
[15:05] R: :P
[15:06] Lawsh: bad side of me, i like to think when its not really required
[15:06] R: and there lies the problem
[15:06] Lawsh: when i really do need to think, like before i open my big mouth, its not that effective or fast :p
[15:06] R: when you think too much, got too many pros and cons liau
[15:06] R: then after all that thinking can still make the wrong decision
[15:07] R: number 1 rule, if you feel you will be happy doing it, then NIKE
[15:07] Lawsh: consequences
[15:08] R: consequences is later
[15:08] R: most important is to feel happy at the present
[15:08] R: no one knows if there is a tomorrow one
[15:08] R: but that being said, must also be reasonable la
[15:09] R: dun feel like spending all money then do that
[15:09] R: lol
[15:17] Lawsh: that is where reason kicks in
[15:18] R: reason la, but not think too much
[15:18] R: as long as not too over the top then ok
[15:25] Lawsh: not everything can gung ho one
[15:26] R: true la, but sometimes also really need to gung ho ma
[15:26] R: do or die
[15:27] Lawsh: well for this case i think i should not
[15:27] R: there you go again
[15:27] R: dun think
[15:27] R: feel
[15:28] Lawsh: we shall see how things progress
[15:29] R: good luck
[15:31] Lawsh: long process because im not nike-ing :p
[15:33] R: I know, cos you stil thinking about it ma
[15:33] R: YOU"RE NOT LISTENING!!!!!
[15:33] R: kakakaka
[15:34] Lawsh: hehehe
[15:34] Lawsh: cannot lar
[15:35] Lawsh: that is why stupid stupid? :D
[15:35] R: not considered stupid
[15:35] R: maybe its CLUELESS
[15:35] R: hahaha
[15:36] Lawsh: + low confidence + not so much courage for the consequences
[15:36] Lawsh: + others *sigh*
[15:37] Lawsh: so *sigh* stupid stupid :p
***the rest have been edited as the advices have ended, the topics that follow is not for this story

Perhaps a made up mind is not so easily changed after all. Sound as they are, logical as it may appear but for someone who did not know what was on my mind, he was spot on with one side of me. The suppressed me who really want to carry out what has been on my mind for many many years. The changes of time do not allow me to do so for it has also changed many things. Confidence has been eroded and time after time of stupidity have caused growing fear in me. "Dare to Fail" was a title of a successful book of a failed man who rose from the ashes of his failure, failure is not what i seek, its what i do not want to encounter. However, from my own permutations and simulations, nothing good can come out from what i seek to carry out if i do it now.

The crazy thing was after speaking to him and letting him coax me to Nike, i was so very close to doing it. I was there and had the chance, the opportunity was begging me to take up. My racing heartbeat somehow jolted me back into reality. "Do i really want to do this now?". I am so very close yet i am also so very far. *Chuckles* Decisions, decisions...

A second chance did knock on my door again. Is there really someone upstairs trying to knock my idiot head to come to senses of all the opportunities which presents itself? Perhaps the consequences of spilling the beans may not be as bad as i thought but i do not have the balls to face it. The amount of fail so far have made me smaller and smaller, more fear avoidance than a Leo would normally be. I feel like wuss now, a rat, a scaredy cat. Only time will tell if i really will live to regret my decision or forever hold my peace.

I foresee another opportunity presenting itself very soon, perhaps i can carry out what i wanted to do in a more subtle way, i can't draft up a good enough plan to do it in a gung ho manner. I will have to explain myself when the subtle method is finally understood, perhaps that would be my final stand, my judgement day. I told someone that, "You may try to make the most perfect plan but reality always mess with your plans". I am shooting myself in the leg with a double barrel shotgun, aren't i? :x :x :x