Sunday, June 21, 2009

有口讲人,无口话自己

I won't claim that im a great adviser always having the best advices to whomever who seeks for help but i do believe logically, the advices i have given are sound and most of the time well thought through. Sadly though i cannot advise myself :(

Although i have forwarded the below to my friends but frustratingly i was not able to apply it to myself, distancing myself from the ones whom i love dearly (this would now exclude her). Below is a forwarded email which i have distributed to my friends who are in a relationship.
Why do we shout when we are angry?

To those who are happily married or who are trying to work towards a happy marriage ...

One day, a professor asked his students 'Why do we SHOUT instead of speak when we are ANGRY?'

All the students thought for a while.

One answered 'Because we lost our cool. That's why we SHOUT.'

Asked the professor again, 'But the person is just right next to you, why can't we talk softly but have to SHOUT?'

Everyone gave their opinions but none was accepted by the professor.

Lastly explained by the professor 'When we are ANGRY, our hearts drift apart. To mask the DISTANCE we felt, we instinctively SHOUT instead of speak so the other party can hear us.'

'But as we SHOUT, we get ANGRIER. And we felt we drift apart further. So we SHOUT even louder...'

'It is the opposite when we are in love. Not only we do not shout, we whisper into each other ears. Why?'

'This is because our hearts are very close, almost never apart. As our love deepen, we reach a state of communication where there is no need for words.'

'We understand each other well enough just by exchanging look,' concluded the professor.

'Therefore, when we are arguing, DO NOT speak words that will make our hearts drift apart. WAIT a few days. When you feel your hearts are no longer far apart, pick up the conversation and continue from there..

I really feel the distance but many a time i am left with no choice, especially so in the area of parenting :( Much to learn, i still have to.

Looking at myself in the mirror i asked, "How dare you scold others what you cannot do yourself?" A big "FAIL" should be etched across my forehead signifying my failures and to remind myself that you should apply what you are trying to impose/advise to others.

I have given advices that "Time heals all wounds" to many friends who were down when they faced their difficulty, this however i have really experienced and time does dampen the effects somewhat. When it comes to myself again, there are so many things which i wish to forget but my forgetful nature is not helping one bit. Is it that the more i want to forget about something, the more i will think about it and hence not able to forget? Time does erode many things, but what i hope to be eroded seems to be made of gold/diamond which are quite resistant to erosion.

Note : I have too many headaches gangbanging me and the hot weather does shorten my already short fuse. Although i felt i have toned down on the number of explosions but when one does happen, it ain't pretty.

Friday, June 19, 2009

What happens after the exam?

I have went through the ITIL exam on Wednesday after (2 weeks plus) 3 days of course. To be totally honest, it was quite similar to college. You labor for the whole duration of the course and in the end, the lecturer gives you a few helpful tips which of course as you'd might expect is like a carbon copy of the question. Tips and hints are limited so you must really have some memory of the content of the course book to get you to pass.

The time was supposed to be 60 minutes and due to a catch which stipulated that if the primary language of the person taking the exam is not English then ... you get extra 15 minutes. Its not like it really mattered, i took the exam very much similar to how i faced exams in the past, answer through the whole thing and that should be the final answer. I think i took about 30 minutes to finish the 40 mind twisting questions in the form quite similar to SPM's History paper. I did a few more rounds of checking and decided that my first answer was going to be my final answer.

2 weeks to find out whether i really passed. I seriously do not want to go through that again, i was absolutely exhausted on the third day. Coffee just barely got me through the day, to think that i even took a bottle of chicken's essence =_="

Thursday went back to work and i was shoved into the deep end of the pool and was forced to survive with little help (ironic that i am an OK swimmer in real life that i used this expression). Hectic life back at the office, many many things to follow up and the more that i have to do being chased by internal and external auditors T_T not to mention the many other parties which i suddenly find myself owing them documents, tasks, meetings, etc etc etc.

Next week is gonna be a blast, i have my boss all to myself, all my colleagues are going for another course! They will be gone for the whole week and i will be the shopkeeper who do not have the authority to do almost everything. Isn't it better to just close shop? :p I seriously hope that there will be no major issues.

I have to clear 1.5 days and there are only 2 more days which i can choose to do so. I was so busy today that i forgot to carry forward my leave, MUST remember to do it soon else it will be forfeited. Sigh, have more audit things to follow up, conduct a huge meeting for another audit =_=" (getting boring ain't it?), so many shit that is causing me to lose even more hair =_=

Come to think of it maybe the ITIL exam was the easier of the 2, at least i have some definite thing to focus on and not so many parties all wanting me to do everything, internal auditors trying to bully and catch my variance against my colleagues, auditors pressuring me for answers from the application support teams, working with kayus who should be given the boot. Time to look for more courses? :p

Monday, June 15, 2009

Baby Kai Xin in the newspapers finally

This is my first time viewing pictures of her bloated stomach. It is hard to imagine the 22 inches waist that baby have when you consider those slim ladies to have 22 inches and up waists. The transplant needs to be done ASAP and your help to gather the required amount is very much appreciated.

Excerpts from Sin Chew Jit Poh dated 15/6/2009 :



Sunday, June 14, 2009

I just don't get it???!!!

I consider myself as a serious person. So i would expect that what i say would be considered as serious especially if im not smiling. To my horror, the more serious i want to convey my mind, the more likely it is treated as a joke. @_@"Vice versa, my jokes would then be considered as facts ...

After being in the working society for quite some time, cold hard truths must be toned down and gently broken to the target unless they are like me who would prefer to take it up as it is. I have angered many people when i told direct truths and learning from that i have to take a longer route of breaking the news to them.

That being said, there are a bunch of people who won't be able to grasp what im trying say and i had to think of another way of putting it to them. You can't call them stupid as some of these people are very intelligent in their own ways or at work. Perhaps they have become specialized in those field that they are not able to comprehend what is outside of that circle?

Sometimes i feel its really hard to communicate and i feel like trapped on an island speaking a complete set of different language. I have to use sign languages which have limited expressions to put forward my real intent. SIGH ...

A somewhat related song :
Linkin Park - Given Up

I wake in a sweat again
Another day's been laid to waste
In my disgrace

Stuck in my head again
Feels like I'll never leave this place
There's no escape

I'm my own worst enemy

I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say

Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me

I don't know what to take
Thought I was focused but I'm scared
I'm not prepared

I hyperventilate
Looking for help somehow somewhere
And no one cares

I'm my own worst enemy

I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say

Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me

Goddddddd!!!!

Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my
Put me out of my fucking misery

I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say

Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me
A somewhat related to my intent song :

迪克與牛仔 - 愛如潮水

不問你為何流眼淚
不在乎你心裡還有誰
且讓我給你安慰
不論結局是喜是悲
走過千山萬水
在我心裡你永遠是那麼美

既然愛了 就不後悔
再多的苦我也顧意背
我的愛如潮水
愛如潮水將我向你推
緊緊跟隨
愛如潮水它將你我包圍

* 我再也不願見你在深夜裡買醉
不願別的男人見識你的嫵媚
你該知道這樣會讓我心碎
答應我你從此不在深夜裡徘徊
不要輕易嚐試放縱的滋味
你可知道這樣會讓我心碎 *

既然愛了就無怨無悔
再多的苦我也顧意背
我的愛如潮水
愛如潮水將我向你推
緊緊跟隨
愛如潮水它將你我包圍
Repeat *

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

The RM500k donation account + other details (updated)

This is a continuation from this appeal. If you intend to help, the details are as per below.

MBB Account Number : 1-14013-213313
Name : Lee Huey Jing (the mother for Loke Kai Xin)
Email Confirmation : hueyjing[at]hotmail.com --> replace [at] with @, this is was done to prevent bots from listing this email address for spam.

NOTE : This is not those fund account and if there are too many transactions it may be blocked.

There is a Facebook group but its a closed group and only for direct friends. If you want to read more about their appeal, then go on and have a look there.

A friend from far away have taken the initiative to bank in to me before this before i managed to get this account number and transfer to her. He donated RM500!

Her ex-colleagues are now trying to help source newspaper publications and other sources to help get more donations. I will update as and when i get these details.

On behalf of Huey Jing, i would like to thank those who will donate to her and help her cause.

Edit for the benefit of those who do not have Facebook :

From: ericloke[at]hotmail.com
CC: hueyjing[at]hotmail.com
Subject: Thank you for all the well wishes and update on Kai Xin
Date: Wed, 10 Jun 2009 09:37:14 +0800


To all dearest friends, colleagues, and friends’ friends


First of all, I would like to say thank you in a million for the kindness help out and support on us (money, lucky star, lucky rice, prays, well wishes and etc). At here, I would like to make an updates to you all on how is Kai Xin and also our trip to Singapore.

We are safe and backed to Malaysia from Singapore after several assessments were carried out included recipient and donor. For Kai Xin, she went through all the assessments; her status for now is still ok and if she don’t carry out the liver transplant operation, surely will lead to the lend stage of liver failure.

As usual, a lot of relatives, colleagues, friends asked me when is the operation is going to carry out, is the transplant operation date being fixed and etc. However, myself and even the liver transplant team couldn’t given me a tentative date for the operation because her weight is not up to the requirement 8.0 kg (at least 7.6 kg and above, they will start the workout and most probably arrange the date for us). It is because the main factors for the transplant is not only timing, it is also depend on the patient’s requirement and health condition. Thus, we only can do for now is pushing up her weight and maintain her healthy level at the tip-top condition.

For you all information, as spoken to the liver transplant team, to workout a liver transplant is not easy as compare to other operation. They required a lot of assessments to be carried out for both recipient and donor. When everything (patient’s weight, health condition for patient and donor, mentality readiness, and so on) is ready for the patient and donor, they will quickly arrange the operation in the soonest time. Surely, they wouldn’t take the risk to go for the operation if the patient and even the donor are not fit. During the assessment week, we also met up with social worker and psychiatrist.

On donor side, since father is not a suitable person to be the donor, now they work out the assessment on mother. The reason is father’s liver artery is too short and narrow if the surgeon cut out the left lobe of the liver. Although there is no risk for father, but it will lead for future complication and the result will not be good for Kai Xin. When I heard this outcome, I feel so sad and really cried out after walked out from surgeon’s clinical room.

I think the GOD must has more important tasks for father to carry out. On the day, it is a very difficult night (Thursday) for me and Huey Jing to fall in sleep, we feel worry, tension, fear and etc. Because right after the surgeon turned down me as the donor, immediate we arranged Huey Jing to carry out the most important test (CT Scan) on Friday morning. Is very lucky and I think mostly there are a lot of wishes, prayers from you all to support us, Huey Jing successfully went through the vital scan and her liver size and artery structure is very complete and straight forward (our legs were shaking when the pediatric surgeon Prof. Prabha [liver transplant main surgeon] opened up the hospital system to go through the scanned result in front of us, wow at that moment both of us can only pray, pray and pray). So at this stage, Huey Jing is a suitable donor prior the rest of the assessments.

So the next course of action in summary is: -

  • Kai Xin has to gain her weight up to 8 Kg, liver transplant team will arrange the day for operation when her weight up to 7.6 Kg (Current weight, 7.2 kg inclusive of water in her tummy)
  • Maintain Kai Xin’s healthy level as good as possible
  • Mother can carry out the rest of the assessments anytime
  • Kai Xin currently is at UMSC for medical treatment and will stay in UM for longer period in order to gain up her weight. As recommended by doctor, they will use a feeding pump machine via n/g tube to feed her gradually in the night time (less milk volume and increase feeding frequency).

Lastly, we couldn’t believe the response is so well after we mailed out our story to our closed group friends, colleagues, relatives and other friends which we don’t know them as well. You all are always in our heart because you all giving us the best supports from money (as of 9 June 09, RM 38,435.00), well wishes, lucky stars, lucky rice, and also prayers from everywhere such as churches, temples, mosques and etc.

We will stay strong and continue the long journey with our Little Kai Xin.

Warmest regards,

Eric, Huey Jing and Little Kai Xin

Saturday, June 06, 2009

Im too old for this shit ...

This lazy bum is having a hard dreadful time trying to study. Lazy bums always come up with excuses as to why things could not be achieved, hence this is my shot at the list :p

  1. The FUCKING hot weather is helping VERY MUCH!!!
  2. I don't have a study table anymore. You are NOT supposed to study on your bed because your bed is for sleeping and its already programmed in your brain. I had no choice but to study there as i need a quiet environment to study BUT the pre-programmed instinct to sleep when on bed occurred and i would be yawning before i get to finish the first page of the day.
  3. One should NOT lie down when studying because its very much the same as the above. I try not to slouch too much as i will usually get a bad backache if i slouch for too long. So since im studying on my bed, i lie stomach down and put the book on the floor.
  4. For effective studying, every 1 hour of so of cramming should be separated with a 5 minutes rest, being the lazy bum and taking full advantage of this "break", it would usually last more than 10-15 minutes :p
  5. The "i-can-study-more-tomorrow" mentality kicks in because in my mind, there is always something else better to do :p
  6. On weekdays, i can only allocate about 1 hour or so to study as i would usually return home dead tired after a hectic day in office. So my usual rest time is now chewed up by this cramming session, great motivation to carry *thumbs up down*
  7. Each page seems like there are 10 potential items to be memorized, good going for someone who have poor memory.
  8. The book is as thick as a semester in college's book and im supposed to finish that whole thing in about 2 weeks with just 3 days of lessons in class.
  9. "Im too old for this shit ...", Roger Murtaugh in the Lethal Weapon series
17th is the exam date and i may be the youngest fella in class, if i fail then ............ @_@||| EPIC FAIL!

Monday, June 01, 2009

What's worse than studying? (updated)

For workers, they would really love to go study again coz work sucks. For students, most likely the would not have an answer to this.Maybe some would answer like me, EXAMS!!!

I have not been studying for 6 years or so, now i have been enrolled without my knowledge for a course, of couse the worse thing is that its attached with an exam. Though it will be an objective (ABCD selections) questioned format, cincai tembak is not the way to go as there is a supposed clause attached, since it paid by the company, if you fail the exam, you will have to pay for the exam. Great stuff right since i did not even know that i would be enrolled for something with this kind of bias clause.

My course will start in 2 weeks time, for 3 days. No idea when is the exam, hopefully its not on the 3rd day, else i will have to start studying now =_=" The course book though having info will be more meaningful when explained properly so not much point in trying make sense of a partial nonsense.

Browsed through the sample paper for a bit and saw my worst fear T_T It requires good memory and need to think similar to how History questions were in SPM T_T SIGH this is not good at all T_T

This book is by Pink Elephant *sweats*

Full front cover

Sample exam paper.

For the record : I HATE EXAMS!!!

Edit : I found out the exam date liao. Its .................. on the last day of the course wahoo!!! I have about 2 weeks to study. And this crap is like SPM History questions. SHIBBAL!!!
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