0 Wisdom

How does it feel like to have your wisdom forcefully taken away from you? Extracted from inside you while you laid there watching the whole operation. For those who are still wondering, Im not talking about brain surgery. Im talking about wisdom teeth. My final wisdom was taken away from me yesterday to avoid future complications whereby previously my other set of teeth on the left side have been removed as it caused my more useful tooth in front of the bottom left wisdom tooth to crack and break thereby causing my weeks of pain.

My face now is obviously disproportionate as if I have received a nasty left jab to my lower right jaw. It really was as awful as it looked because it hurt like hell when the anesthetic wore off. Heck, not long after I took a painkiller after dinner, I went to sleep just to avoid being awake for more pain. It is quite evident that you really can't work after the anesthetic wore off because I could not really think right. Some punkass telesales rang me up asking if I wanted to take up a special promotion, I tried to entertain the call after telling her my situation but she really did piss me off when my patience wore off and my simple question was not answered. I think I just yelled to her, "NO!" before she said that she would call later.

At least I got my much needed break from work for 3 days :D The only thing that I dread now are meal times because I don't really want to move my jaw too much, solids needs to be munched and I can only use 1 side of my mouth. Porridge or noodles are my only options for now but I have now already got tired of porridge after just 3 meals. Hopefully tomorrow I can eat rice again or anything other than porridge.

I had earlier planned to have the free McD Sausage McMuffin with Egg until its end date tomorrow but now, SIGH ... T_T I think it might take some time before I can open my mouth wide again for anything like that. Come to think of it, there is supposed to be a buffet treat by my colleague soon. DAMN!

I wonder how its going to be like to have this huge hole at the back of mouth. Food would be stuck there and I definately have to be more careful when biting down because I have lost a cruncher. If I recall correctly, it took me quite a while before I dared to use that part of my mouth based on my previous extraction's experience.

Bluer than blue

I watched a movie with a similar title and my guess was that there was a song that might contain the phrase "bluer than blue" but it turns out that there is a song named "Bluer than Blue" by Michael Johnson. Interestingly, some of what the lyrics portrays are exactly how I feel, this is becoming a trend if you catch my drift :p

The song is actually quite lame but then again like most of the songs that I like, its the meaning behind it to me that actually matters. The lyrics also shows that there is actually balance. If you want something, you have to give up something. Are you happy with what you have given up in order to get what you want? Perhaps its down to how bad you want it. You may enjoy it for a while but come to think of it, was it really worthwhile?

Michael Johnson - Bluer than blue

After you go
I can catch up on my reading
After you go
I'll have a lot more time to sleeping

And when you're gone
Looks like things are gonna be a lot easier
Life will be a breeze you know
I really should be glad

But I'm bluer than blue
Sadder than sad
You're the only light
This empty room has ever had
Life without you is gonna be
Bluer than blue

After you go
I'll have a lot more room in my closet
After you go
I'll stay out all night long if I feel like it
And when you're gone
I can run through the house screaming
And no one will ever hear me
I really should be glad

But I'm bluer than blue
Sadder than sad
You're the only light
This empty room has ever had
Life without you is gonna be
Bluer than blue

I don't have to miss no TV shows
I can start my whole life over
Change the numbers on my telephone
But the nights will sure be colder

And I'm bluer than blue
Sadder than sad
You're the only light
This empty room has ever had
Life without you is gonna be
Bluer than blue

Bluer than blue
Bluer than blue

Actually Im a RED Devil's fan so I should be liking Redder than red :p

Holland 攰

I think it has been 1 month of so that I have started to return home late. My definition of late would be 8+. It is to the point where even my son would be asking me, "爸爸, 你怎么暗暗才来回家?". That stunned me for a moment before I realized that he was right, it was already dark when I reach home and not too long after dinner, it would be time for bed.

Although I do not have the feeling of not wanting to go to work yet BUT I know for sure that I am burning out pretty fast. To make matters worst, I don't have much leave now to take to give myself a breather. If I have someone sleeping beside me, I think that person would complain that I am snoring because when wake up in the morning, my throat is dry. I believe this is one of the method to detect whether you have been snoring.

What makes it all worst is that my boss are piling even more work onto us while trying to get new recruits. Everything goes heywire but you are still expected to get things done. Come to think of it, even if there are 48 hours in a day, it would still NOT be enough. Btw, I have lost a few weekends to work because there are things that MUST be done on weekends.

Was almost ordered to go Vietnam to do a branch visit to help them establish better governance but in the end was told that they would prefer someone senior to go. Oh well, I don't have leave to extend my stay to go sightseeing or shopping so perhaps its for the better as the boss will not be around to see that we all go home early HAR HAR HAR!

To wrap things up, I am so damn tired lor to the point that I am yawning when I reach office, doing work and now here while typing. ZZZ

Stingy leecher/downloader?

So you tried to search for old movies to download and the torrents are all unseeded but what you found are all just Megaupload or Rapidshare or etc links? The problem with those links would most probably be that the file you want is broken up into several files which needs to be merged before you are able to get what you want. The frustrating thing about this is that you will need to be vigilant to monitor the download and try to continue the next by either waiting for the timer OR reset your Internet connection to get another new IP to start your next download.

Like most of you out there, I can't always be in front of the PC waiting for the file to finish download. Wouldn't it be great if there were a download manager which will be able to do that task for you including entering the captcha texts? It can even reset your Internet connection to get a new IP automatically and its list of supported routers is surprisingly long, though mine is not on the list yet :( If that is not enough, it immediately checks the link's validity once its added to its list. Today is your lucky day because there is really such a download manager and what makes it even better is that its FREE! @_@|||

I was quite skeptical and surprised that there is such a tool after the fall of RapGet :( However, the champion now seems to be JDownloader. It supports a very long list of download sites and it seems to update accordingly when there are changes to the download sites. That is just great news and I can now once again enjoy Korean movies seeing that my friend's site is back up and running :D

*Adds a long list of download links to JDownloader and sleeps while it does the job MUAHAHAHAHAHA*

Edit : Just found out a superb feature for this tool, it can resume your downloads! ie if you have a file halfway downloaded and for whatever reason the download stopped eg you got dc-ed, power trip etc, the file will continue to be downloaded when you restart JDownloader. WOOT!!!

sometimes a little lonely, sometimes a little romantic

This morning while on the way to work, I heard this song being broadcasted and the phrase, "偶爾小小孤單 偶爾小小浪漫" caught my attention the most and I decided to find it so I can make this entry because interestingly this song is somewhat what Im feeling now especially when I have dreams. By the time the song finished, I have forgotten the song title which was announced before it was played and my mind only remembered, "sometimes a little lonely, sometimes a little romantic" which was the meaning of the phrase in English.

So when I got to office, the first thing I did was to use Google Translate to help me search for the phrase and the direct translation of "sometimes a little lonely, sometimes a little romantic" would be "有时候孤单, 有时候浪漫" and with that I began my search to no avail ... I was like, that was what I remembered and I don't think I got it wrong. Since today was not too busy so I did my search for most of the day and downloaded quite a number of songs while searching. I tried also to search by album to see if any other phrase would come to mind but not successful :(

For those who are not so good with Chinese, "偶爾" and "有时候" both could mean sometimes.

Again being not able to sleep, I decided to try another round of search and found another site which has all the lyrics for the artist and finally I found it ^_^

黃小琥 - 順其自然

一份愛會出現裂痕 兩個人都要負責任
有些成長來自承認 我終於掙脫怨與恨
年輕總習慣去爭論 要別人照我的劇本
滿身傷痕 才知道悲哀是互不信任

不在乎的眼神 內心悄悄破損
在午夜的時分
被一個夢給拆穿沒忘記那個人

Chorus :
我試著讓生活變得清淡
對幸福或寂寞順其自然
偶爾小小孤單 偶爾小小浪漫
不怕大喜大悲那麼難負擔

不想再背負太多期盼
對好奇或關心順其自然
只是那點不安 只是那點辛酸
總會忽然擴散讓心又累又茫然

一份愛會出現裂痕 兩個人都要負責任
有些成長來自承認 我終於掙脫怨與恨
年輕總習慣去爭論 要別人照我的劇本
滿身傷痕 才知道悲哀是互不信任

每一次記憶的翻騰 既美好也殘忍
思念讓舊情有餘溫
將我困在早應該要離開的空城

Chorus 2x

期望有人陪伴

Yes, its her song again. She is now my current favourite singer :p

Why do I always dream of you?

Its not like I don't like it but why does it seems like I am always meeting you in my dreams? Perhaps that is the only place where I can be with you. I used to wish that I can see you all day long and even in my sleep, I would be able to be see you. Those days have passed but you linger on in my dreams.

I don't remember all my dreams but I just know that that is you and we are doing something together. Talking, arguing, playing around etc. Perhaps those are what I have always wanted to do with you but unable to due to various reasons. So like most people, what cannot be done in reality is fictionalized and fantasized in dreams.

Dreaming of what could have been but unable to be realized, SIGH ... Lawsh Lawsh, what in the world are you to do? I wish to be able to sleep without dreams again so that I would not wake up the next morning tired because my brain had to work through the night to generate those images.

Three Doors Down - Here Without You

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it wont take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it wont take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

Seems like there is a song for almost all my feelings.

The skeleton is pounding hard to get out of my closet

I don't think anyone would believe me if I tell them that I have not been truthful to my colleagues for 2.5 years. Only very close people whom I believe in would know about it and of course those who have a keen sense of investigating would find this blog and know about what happened to my relationship. Perhaps someone did find out about this and would like to hear it from my own mouth?

Ever since more of colleagues from the same department moved up to my floor, I have been getting more and more questions with regards to my wife and child. I can answer normally to questions regarding my son BUT when it comes to questions like, "When are you going to have a second child? Your son already 6 years old lor. The gap too big not good". SIGH. I also know lar. I drool when I see a baby, thinking when I can have another of my own.

Today the question other than the above was, "How come you never talk about your wife har?". Usually when this question comes up, I would shy away and evade the question entirely just like about the second baby question. I really have no answer for them. Initially when I decided that I do not want to disclose about my relationship, I thought that I would most likely get another job and either not tell them at all OR drop everyone a bombshell about the truth. Unfortunately, I am not able to secure another job and hence many remain in the dark.

I am now contemplating when I will finally let the skeleton out of my closet. It is going to be VERY hard to explain why I am separated BUT still remain undivorced. Its really complicated and as I have mentioned many times before, I truly believe that money was the main issue. From then until now, I can see changes that I presume are better in terms of financial. I get to finally settle my father's house loan, I get to sometimes buy what I want, do more with my own money, spend time with my friends to blow water, not really feeling too much pressure of being so close to empty pockets. She gets to help out her family with their financial problem, gets to buy a new car, lavish herself with expensive items (maybe she did not buy them herself, but I dinno), go on more trips that I could only dream of.

Feels like a win-win situation until when you get sick or its gets too cold at night or when you just need someone to hold and comfort you after a long hard day at work or just be there to listen to you rant or talk to. If you really put it into an equation, you really have to sacrifice something to gain something else and if you try to gain that something else but unwilling to sacrifice something in return, it will actually be taken away from you. Karma? Yin Yang?

I think if I am asked the same question again, I will just drop the bombshell. I don't think I want to keep on feeling gloomy all the time and evasive when asked about that question. I am not used to lying because I always portray myself as a very straight person and speak my mind, so perhaps I should really tell if I am asked about this again.